#internal ableism

It’s sometimes easy to forget when you’re ambulatory but have stamina issues due to weight and leg/foot issues that it is okay to get a better mobility aid than a foot-ankle orthotic, or a rental wheelchair...

When I went to Disney, the months leading up to it I had talked to two separate co-workers about how I was trying to get better at walking so I can walk around the parks. I would probably end up in one of those rental wheelchairs, but I wanted to try.

Both of these co-workers were occupational therapists who worked with wheelchairs, and they both out right asked me, have you thought of an electric scooter rental instead?

And their reasoning was this, you need a mobility aid to get around and you need agency, and that last bit was important to them when they gave that advice. It was fascinating to hear that advice from two people whose job it is to find people a wheelchair that can get them around in their daily life.

If someone ever said to you “stop making neurodivergence your whole personality,” what would you say in response? Because by definition a neurodivergence is a neurological disorder (I strongly dislike that word but it’s the scientific term) affects your behaviors. Isn’t that at least a part of your personality?? How you behave and how you react to the world around you is a huge part of who you are, so why is it…

I have seen a alarming post that struck me

Most autisic folks without learning or intellectual disabilities are often talked down to because of their frustration of their autism. Some had suicide baits

STOP THAT. NEVER SUICIDE BAIT

Every person experience their autism different. Some have more pros then cons others have more cons then pros

And gues what it's all valid to point out

We all see posts on how wonderful autism is, mostly from actually autisic folks without any comorbid disability.

Sure you have folks self mocking or make struggle posts or educating folks about their sensory nightmares

But never how much they hate it. If such folk tagg autism you will angry autisic folk. And thats sad. Everyone is aloud to love or hate their disability.

For me, their are parts of my autism brain that I hate and parts that I love

Why must every autisic person love their autism. If they hate it maybey you ask why and what are your struggles or how can I help

BUT DON'T DO SUICIDE BAITS EVER. SPECALY NOT TO AUTISIC PEOPLE WITH LEARNING AND INTELLECTUAL DISABILITIES THEY ARE THE MOST FUBEREBLE.

just

Big study in the Journal of Neurophysiology about the effectiveness of CBT...and the single determining factor for whether CBT would work was whether the patient already believed that their condition had a psychological genesis and could be helped by CBT.

Meaning it can’t work until I believe it can work.

Here’s a link to a pain scale I like. I want you to note that level 5 pain is moderate pain enough to interfere with daily activities. 3-4 is still significant as it intrudes on your mind and concentration that maybe you can do stuff but you didn’t do it as well as you could have. It’s easy to feel like you need to be above 5 for it to be significant, but the fact that you have constant pain are alarm bells no matter how bad it is. A smoke alarm is still telling you there’s a fire no matter the volume of the alarm or size of the fire. And I know well from experience when you ignore a small spark of pain, it will get bigger. I understand the feeling that it’s not enough and it’s not just internal ableism but the ableism of society that says “everyone aches just take an Advil!” So like it’s also not your fault your having trouble coming to the terms of the reality of this pain.

To address your next concern, I would like to tell you about my left knee. In 2008 I was at gay night for Halloween at the roxy I think it was. I got drunk and tripped over a coffee table. I woke up the next day to a swollen knee like never before and a strange feeling when walking. I saw a doctor, treated it for sprain and moved on with my life with some pain but nothing major.

That spring I worked for anime Boston as the director of registration, so I’m not just walking around a large con, I’m on my feet working it and in charge of all the registrations for like 18k people. My knee exploded with pain. I called my mom for my crutches from when it was sprained and carried on. Everyone asked me what happened and I had to explain over and over an old injury was flaring up.

Now this time in my life was convention crazy. I worked AB but attended a lot of east coast cons and even made it to Dragon*con that same year (‘09) and by then I had bought a cane just for cons and pursued an answer at my doctors. I had patella subluxation. So when I went to a con in Atlanta stretched across 4 hotels I felt no guilt in taking advantage of their handicap seating. This allowed me to wait in line sitting at the entrance, get a decent seat and enjoy some great celebrity panels.

I know that if people knew my injury came from being drunk at a nightclub would judge me for my handicap. But truth is those same people probably drink and are at the same risk of tripping over their feet and getting a life long injury like mine. The only reason these kinds of people think someone like me would deserve less is because they mistakenly think it couldn’t possibly happen to them.

But you know what? When I told my convention friends they laughed with me at the circumstances and didn’t question my use of disability services. They could see my leg was never the same and had to sometimes remember to slow down, which they gladly did. You might be surprised what the people whose opinion matters most to you think of the whole situation. I can’t judge what the people in your life are like, but there are reasonable people out there and I truly believe we are surpassing the ignorant.

Furthermore, while I know drinking was obviously a factor, I now know that I am naturally unbalanced due to a problem with my feet. I also just have balance issues in general that I think may be attributed to autism and adhd. That means that my chances of falling fucking up my knee were very high, and if it didn’t happen then it would likely have been a matter of time. But even if it was a pure drunken accident, it doesn’t matter. Everyone has accidents and they still deserve respect for their needs as a disabled person.