#inkled thoughts

My heart still constricts at the thought of you. I know it’s been weeks, or months, but I still cannot let my feelings go. You were still the one I think of in the mornings, and also my late thoughts at night. You still remain to be my muse even after a long period of time. And you know what, I do not want to think about you anymore. I want you out of my mind, out of heart, and out of my life. By this time, you don’t remember me much, maybe I was just another friend to you, the one that mattered only for a few moments, and then gone. This hurts so bad, I miss you so bad, and yet I can’t do anything, for you don’t want to be with me anymore. I’m out of ideas. I’m almost out of life, and yet I still fucking love you, damn it.

She is the girl who would laugh at simple things, but you may find it hard to make her cry. A collection of thoughts and ideas, which still cannot be put into words. She is the girl who would dress in her finest clothes, wear make up and be beautiful, and yet she would laugh so loud that people, would think that she is not classy. She is the girl who would be her best, and yet inside, what she truly feels is, she would always be the second best, and she would always be a failure to herself. She is the girl who is a collection of negativity and positivity, a beautiful mess that could not be fixed, someone so intricate that cannot be understood, but as beautiful as the abstract paintings of a fine painter.

she got the reddest lips, and a personality to die for. she was ideal, he was flawed. everyone loved her because of her sparkle, and everyone loved him because of his darkness. that’s why when they met at crossroads, he saw her special, and she saw him beautiful. and as the world spun at its axis, as days come, both of them found love in one another. but the longer he stayed, the faster he faded. he was darkness, and she was all sparkles. she was shining, and he was gloomy. he was the stormy sky, and she was the starry night. that’s why when she was not looking, he ran away, left her heart on the pedestal, and took a different path. she was worth loving. it was real. he was in love. he was in love with her, that he let her in, he let her feel what it was like to be him. but, in the end, he was losing himself in the light. he was everything she is not, and it felt too much. she was too much.

It’s 4 am and I’m thinking about your name. I’m thinking about what would it feel if it slipped from my lips when you asked who was the one I love. I’m thinking about what could have happened when you called me at a late time and you asked me what was my favorite word is, what if I told you that it was your name? I’m thinking of the times that I almost called you in a way that you would distinguish the love I tried to keep from you. It’s 4 am and I’m wondering what could have happened if I told you that your name is my favorite word and I am in love with you.

I saw you again in the crowd of people, You were smiling at them, talking with them with ease, and you did not notice me standing there, waiting for you to just look at me. But I know, I am just being stupid, for why would you notice someone like me? Someone so broken and lost, someone so ugly and misshaped. How could I even wish in the shooting stars? When I knew that my wishes would never be granted. For I know you would never love someone like me. Someone that is a weed among the most beautiful flowers, someone that is left to be forgotten.

Oh God, please tell me. How can I something that you would miss?Something that you would crave for?Something that you would love?Please, please tell me. For I am going insane.

I'm careless. I often break things that are valuable to everyone. I tend to break everything I touch, and I literally disappoint everyone. I'm a careless person, and you know, I'm going to break your heart. I'm going to accidentally slip it in on manholes and forget where it went. I'll just clumsily hold your heart and in a matter of time, it wouldn't be in my hands anymore. I would be your worst lover, I'd be forgetting everything and breaking almost every thing. You'd hate me for that. So please, don't love a careless girl like me. For I'd just misplace your love, and I'd just break your heart.

Tell me, please, how can I be something that you'd miss? How can I be the one that you think of late at night, wondering what I am doing? How can I be your one favorite song that you did not hear for a long time, and now you want to listen to me, all over again? How can I be someone that you crave in the days that we lose touch, and you think of what we could talk about in the late hours? Tell me, how could I be something that you would miss? For God, I miss you so bad.