#indgo

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haha your inbox isn’t empty anymore nyeh

❝ i ... don't think so. ❞ younger student, maybe ? if she had to guess, cereza would say that they're not too far apart when it comes to age, but ...

... WHAT IS THIS FEELING, EXACTLY ? her guts, maybe. her instincts. something telling her to RUN AWAY.

|| expansion always brings you back to self.

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. I’ve never read a book that has read me to filth and helped build me up again at the same time. Growing in an environment where the expectation was to fall in line always left me feeling like I wasn’t from here. Everyone mindlessly following traditions and rules that didn’t resonate with them manifesting in negative energy and brewing confusion and anxiety in my world. I coped, I developed defence mechanisms and survival tactics to get through a plethora of different situations I’ve come up against in my early life. I’m learning these things now, some are repressed memories, others are lingering questions and some are are flashes that come as a sting. They called me secretive, anti-social, selfish, unsmart. They compared me, which worked out in my favour because I’d never want to be those people. They gaslighted me, doubted me, moved me, left me, confused me, broken my trust..and that’s all before I got out into the world. I was a Sensitive indigo child with astrological signs in each element in a world that I couldn’t understand and had no one to make it make REAL sense to me.

A simple book did what no ones ever done:

Let me know that I am in fact not crazy with the thoughts, feelings and things I’ve experienced as reality.

That I am in fact different due to my heightened awareness and sensitivity to the energies around me. I feel everything.

I’m not anti-social but in fact extremely disappointed with what I see in the world and my own world. So much self inflicted dysfunction and disharmony, people are suppressing things they should be working on with mindless surface level bs and wondering why things are suss. So I run to where I’m safe and understood, and that’s probably what I do 80% of the time when disappointment arises.

Growth is pushing me to dismantle my moat and keeps* but, not without caution and a new understanding of my boundaries. What I accepted in the past is no longer, from myself and people who decide (because it is a choice they have) to be apart of my life. I have to be consistent in shielding and clearing my body of energies that I may have picked up along the way.

I was only about 8 years old when I heard the term Indigo Child, it never left my memory.

At 25 it’s all starting the make sense.

xo