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Claudia: Artie has these insanely strong opinions on everything, it’s ridiculous
Pete: Really?
Claudia: Yeah, go ask him something no one should have an opinion on
Jinksy: Hey Artie, what's the worst multiple of 4?
Artie: 12, obviously dumbass
(Bonus):
Myka, calling out from the other room: Oh please! It’s clearly 32!
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Myka: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it
Pete: Just rip the bandage off.
Myka: It’s Helena
Pete: Put the bandage back on.
[Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker.]
Artie: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Leena: ...I did. I broke it.
Artie: No. No you didn't. Pete?
Pete: Don't look at me. Look at Claudia.
Claudia: What?! I didn't break it.
Pete: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Claudia: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Pete: Suspicious.
Claudia: No it's not!
Myka: If it matters, probably not, but Pete was the last one to use it.
Pete: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Myka: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Pete: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Myka!
Leena: Okay, let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Artie.
Artie: No! Who broke it!?
Claudia: Artie...Steve's been awfully quiet.
Steve: REALLY?!
[Everyone starts arguing]
Artie: [Being interviewed] I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
Artie, walking into a scene of disarray at the B&B: What did I miss?
Claudia: I'm gay.
Artie: But I've only been gone two hours!
HG: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
Claudia: This knife is actually a magic wand.
Pete: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.
Myka: *cocks gun* Magic missile.
Artie: What the fuck is wrong with you people.
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