personal inappropro (rant)
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I wish I didn't cope by making myself orgasm.
It's been hurting me. But nothing else makes the thoughts go away.
But I think I went too far tonight. I even threw up a little. I could only get one out. But the thoughts aren't gone, just muffled.
I don't know what to do. It's horrifying, the things I want to do when I go too long without an orgasm. The things I consider doing. The things I want to happen. The terrible thoughts that come back.
I'm not hypersexual, I can't be. I don't have any sex partners. And it's not like I can't focus on things because of sex.
But I know something is wrong. Something is terribly, terribly wrong.
And I don't see my therapist for another 3-4 weeks.
Is it because of Helen? I can't talk about her on tumblr.
I need a way out of this. Something that can make the thoughts go away, that makes me feel good, but doesn't involve orgasming. And I need it Now.
