#imwriting

Eu vi uma menina de coração belo

De alma aflita, de rosto sincero

De viver marcado com faca cravada

Vi seu desespero

Eu vi a menina mais bela

Eu via a alma dela

Coisa que espelho não mostra

Coisa que a mídia rejeita

Coisa que babaca nenhum se interessa

Vi a moça que cabisbaixa pensava

Que nunca na vida seria lembrada

Que nenhum poeta dela escreveria

Mas vi nela não só uma linha

Vi todo universo

Que um verso não poderia conter

Vai entender esse coração dela

Num dia está esplendido

E no outro reseta, esquecido que a vida

Ela prega essas peças

Pra sentir a dor alheia e dela se lembrar

E nos encalços da vida se levantar

Levante-se menina de alma ferida

És bela como ninguém jamais será

És forte como academia nenhuma conseguirá imitar

És de caráter firme que nem o ego consegue esconder

Tens talentos mas não consegues ver

This is me. Why?

Do you do this or only focus on one project at a time?

After ten years of world peace, an atomic bomb bonked my father on the head. Chinese officials reported him as the sole casualty of the incident and said if it were anyone other than my father, the whole matter could have been forgiven. His face was on their money, his name mentioned in every pop song, his way of life studied and followed by the progressive youth. Or, so I hear, as news from that half of the world has been hard to come by ever since the first Sino-American War.

I only met my father once, as he lived and worked in China while my mother and I planted our roots in a small Texas city, and I only remember the last thing he said to me, which was, “Do whatever blows your mind.” It’s advice I’ve always fallen back on, and it’s the advice I always give. So, whenever I have the unfortunate pleasure of finding myself in a conversation, and someone asks what I do for a living, I don’t tell them I’m an aspiring inventor or a budding entrepreneur.  I look them straight in the eyes and tell them, “I do whatever blows my mind.” Usually people are taken aback, no doubt assuming I’m a pretentious fellow too embarrassed to talk about my personal life. To an extent their assumption may hold true. 

“That sounds just great,” a woman once told me. “I hope someday I’ll be able to do that.” 

“Well it’s not always what it’s cracked up to be,” I said. “Do whatever blows your mind often takes the form of living near the brink of unemployment.”

I jumped back on to Tumblr today, simply because I missed the warmth I housed from writing and had been thinking a lot about how little I was scribbling in comparison to the last couple of years. So hello, old friend.

There is something extremely nostalgic about keeping a logged account of moments in your life and looking back on them. I suppose this is how professional writers feel when they have hardback evidence of their pen to paper, that one rainy afternoon just happened to be the words that spilled on to a notebook and in to permanent print. It’s fascinating. An unsettling notion of sorts. Those sentences are now gone and unchangeable and you could be held accountable for every syllable ‘til the day you die. 

Perhaps it’s the narcissist in me that longs to share snippets with the worldwide web, but then who doesn’t in this day and age?

In just over a month’s time I begin my actor training at LAMDA. This time it’s a degree, finally! People think I’m crazy, I can tell. I’ll say ‘it’s a long time coming’ and they’ll say ‘was it two years you auditioned for?’ and I’ll resist the urge to cringe and reply sweetly ‘no, six’. I don’t regret a thing. 

All the years in between have helped me grow in humongous ways. Recently I have managed to cope a thousand times better with my mental health, which is always a working progress, but when you see how far you’ve come it’s less of a ‘Hello darkness my old friend’ and more of a ‘F*** off you c***’.

I have worked 100 freelance jobs and loved (almost) every second of it. I finally spent time on my photography, now working professionally on all sorts of projects, which makes my heart blossom every day. I’ve played a wooden snowman on ‘expenses only’ in a Christmas show and dressed up in the most glamorous 18th century gowns in an opera adaptation. There’s been a 6 year old throw up in my singing class while everyone else cried and a 16 year old student tell me I’m the reason they won't give up on their dream. I’ve invested in so many things to build more stepping stones and thank goodness for all of those rejections. Thank goodness.

Now I am like a powerhouse. I’ve never been more ready to face the intensity of drama school training and I can't bloody wait to have my own space again (ma, pa, moo I still love you)! But this is my time and I will soak up every second.

I’m sure being engulfed in such creativity again will fuel the fire in me to continue writing, so stay tuned for a hell of a ride.