#imgayaf

i want yasu yatagarasu soooo bad

Me at 8 years old:

-Had a crush on an athletic hispanic boy I knew

-Dreamed about getting married to him

-Kids? Maybe? (Didn’t think about that a lot)

-Wondered if he would ever like me back. I don’t think he did.

-Wrote him a love letter, which I’m pretty sure embarrassed him. I think he threw it away

Me now, at 16 years old:

-Daydreams about a laid-back, badass, 6′, biker chick with piercings and tats and wild hair coming to take me away on her Harley

-Wants to live a domestic life with her

-Perhaps adopt kids, a boy and a girl

I went on this trip thinking I was bi or pan and would remain attracted to guys.

I was so wrong.

The girls on my trip were some of the prettiest I have ever seen.

There was a charming girl with anxiety and panic disorders who was so polite and sweet.

There was a short, cute girl who was a dancer and had ultra thick thighs that I couldn’t stop staring at.

There was a chubby, good-looking girl who could be raucous and loud during the day, but at night, became quiet, calming and a wonderful intellectual conversationalist.

There was a gorgeous, hispanic girl whose makeup was always on point and who lent me her eyeliner when I realized I didn’t pack any cosmetics.

And there was a half-asian girl who I got a crush on. She likes rock music and is so chill and has this sense of humor that is a little intimidatingly calculating. She mentioned that she is not entirely straight (yay!!!!). Her eyeliner is always on point and she had these gorgeous golden eyes and this deep voice and I didn’t realize I had a crush on her until near the end of the trip.

We almost always sat next to each other on the plane and she would sometimes fall asleep or look out the window and half of the time that it seemed like I was looking out the window, I was actually looking at her. Sometimes I would lay on my hotel bed and an image would creep into my mind of her in a wedding dress. Whenever she would talk to me, I would feel myself tense up and wonder what was wrong with me.