#ily meta

I heard from some people, Quimchee planned the entire night sequence on December 21st to be filled with hints and set ups for events and character dynamics in the future. Though I don't know how far Quimchee is gonna put the hints since it's past Dec 21st already, but hey, Quimchee always insert some symbolisms and foreshadowings anyway so I wanna analyze this one particular scene because it has a lot of foreshadowing materials, and try to predict their dynamic in the upcoming Chess Game.

Analysis

1. Nol with the blindfold. He is hiding his eyes from crying so much. But why is he crying in the first place? One can only guess the reason, but we know the phrase: Eyes are the window of the soul. It immediately reflects our emotions, our fears, and our deepest emotive shades. Nol is hiding his true feelings (whatever it is: love, relieve, heartbreak, fear, anxiety) from Shinae. He is closing his eyes, ignoring whatever reality in front of him, and chooses to live in the moment with her --regardless of the consequences that might come after.

2. The head band covering Shinae's neck --or the delicate part of the body that must be protected, as Nessa once stated. Nol took it away from her. He also told her to take off her shoes earlier. Combine these two, and you have Nol basically rendering Shinae naked vulnerable in front of him. She believes Nol's excuse to play things fair without question; even without the blindfold, Shinae is pretty blind herself, because she couldn't see he's not fine at all.

3. Their outfits. They're both vulnerable in their own ways; Shinae without her shoes and her headband, and Nol in hospital gown with the bandages that covered his wounds. But, while Shinae's neck is out in the open (completely open with her feelings), Nol's neck is wrapped in bandages (hiding his feelings completely). They're not seeing eye to eye; it's not fair.

4. The dance movement. Nol is twirling Shinae around. Even in blindness, he had Shinae dancing at the palm of his hand. By lying and hiding behind a mask, he had her under his control. (Not that he has any malice --he just wants to make happy memories with Shinae before he's gone, but from here, we get a glimpse that Nol is capable of manipulating his partner to move like he wants to.)

5. The color. Rand said he has faith in his team. His words are in red in black, signifying power. He has conviction they won't lose to Yui. And sure enough, the duo is dancing without a care, they're building their team play. But notice the background color when they danced; they're not in the light (hope), but it's not completely dark either. It's basically grey. Despite Rand's hope, the situation seems bleak.

Nol who is blind, is guiding Shinae who is blind. You know what could happen?

This is the worst scenario though, I hope it won't happen.

The blind is leading the blind. One of them has to open their blindfold if they don't want to fall together. Fortunately, Shinae is quick to open her eyes from Nol's tricks. She saw Nol's tear stains and she immediately took the rein; she stopped their dance. Once it stops, we can see the light returns (even if it's not as bright as before).

Discussion

Nol and Shinae's dance has been teased for a long time, and we finally get to see it now. It's been teased from episode 5, when Nol proposed Shinae to be his partner. There has been many hurdles, but now that Shinae has fully accepted Nol's hand, they finally embark on a new journey as partners. Their dance represents their new partnership and how they work together as a team. And of course, being their first time, it's not all smooth sailing.

Nol and Shinae is a unique pair. They're almost like a mirror. Whatever Nol do that night, Shinae is able to keep up with him.

Nol and Shinae have the potential to be impeccable liars. They both can make nasty jokes that can cut their opponents deep. Like Nol's prank that reminded Shinae of her father in-coma, and Shinae's prank that reminded Nol of his abused days in the Hirahara Hospital.

They are capable of stealing. Nol stole the yearbook to investigate Alyssa to give Shinae the justice she deserves. Shinae stole some balloons from the poor, tired man to give Nol a happy birthday he deserves.

They both can equally be manipulative if they want to. Shinae doesn't want Nol to bolt from her since he seemed ready to do it anytime, so she lured him out using sweet words, shared her painful past to try to relate to him, and asked him to dance in Min-Hyuk's room so she could be with him longer. Nol doesn't want Shinae to bolt from him again since she seemed ready to do it anytime, so he listened to her music together, played around with her finger dance, asked her to dance --even taking away her shoes, and smile as Yeong-Gi so she won't run away from him anymore.

Whatever wholesome or nasty things, they could do it together. They'd be such a great partners-in-crime. But sometimes, because they're so matching, they often find themselves in unfavourable condition when they're not in synch. For example, like the first time they meet. Both of them were riled up by the mean guy's mockery; they stood up to teach him a lesson at the same time. But, because they had different idea on how to do it and they're not aware of each other's presence, Shinae ended up hindering Nol by spilling the juice on him --or Nol hindered Shinae by getting in the way, whatever floats your boat. Yes, it is an accident, but I believe Quimchee has been setting up their dynamic from the very start.

You get the gist. For the upcoming chess game, they need to fix their teamwork. And to get a nice teamwork, they need to be in synch. They already prove themselves they're capable of doing that, like their first prank and their tag team against Sang-Chul. But if they want to win against Yui, they have to do better. It's clear they're not there yet, because Nol is hiding too much from her. In fact, Nol is too smart for his own good and he hates putting his loved ones in dangerous or uncomfortable situation, it's possible he would "manipulate" Shinae in their partnership; he'd let her help him enough, but not enough to drag her into the mud with him.

I found this comment and I agree with this, though realistically, I'm not too hopeful Shinae could turn things around so quickly when this is just the very beginning of Nol-Shinae's partnership.

It's been hinted no matter how much Shinae is seem to be able to catch up to Nol, Nol is always one step ahead from her.

On their first "dance" in the Arcade Arc, what Shinae lacked is stamina. Right now what she lack is knowledge. Knowledge about Nol's past and the sticky situation surrounding Hirahara. Unfortunately, Nol is not ready to share it yet. Not at all.

Nol has always been in constant survival mode. Years of being preyed by Yui has build him to never show his weakness to anyone. Not to his friends, not even Nana --to some extent. Today, he just made a huge leap by crying on his loved one's shoulder instead of crying alone, but he's not ready to reveal it to Shinae. He has yet to process his feelings. It takes time. Things are gonna get complicated, especially when it's been foreshadowed that Nol is going to leave for a long time. If he does leave, it'll be a challenge to stay in contact and get close to him. And in the future, there will be much more things that Nol is keeping secret from Shinae. We already have Nol's investigation on Alyssa, for starters. Shinae has stated she doesn't like surprises and she doesn't like it when someone is going overboard for her sake. If she find out Nol has been manipulating her, doing all sort of things behind her back, and shouldering everything alone.... Welp. And she is capable of hurting Nol too, so... Yikes. I pray things won't get that far, I hope they won't hurt each other too much in the process.

I do hope we'll get a parallel of episode 65 on the next episode --Nol admitted to Shinae he's not fine at all, but since Nol is hard-headed, I don't dare to hope too much.

On (un)related topic, Rand, the Black King, has ordered Shinae, his Black Pawn, to inflitrate the opponent's den. Well, even though I said ordered, it's more of an advice on how to play the game. Shinae has the right to decide whether she chose to involve herself in this game or not. To make the decision, she needs to know what is exactly she's up against, and for who she's fighting for. And for that, she has to be aware of Nol's circumstances. Once she heard everything about Nol, there's no going back.

If Nol won't talk to her, I hope she can talk to Nana; I hope the two of them will meet. Yujing is currently brewing her article. If Shinae could learn about Nol's past from Yujing, it'll sting since she didn't learn it from Nol himself, but at least it'll start some conversation with him. Hell, she could even try to ask Rand if she's desperate enough. Nol is the same. If he wants to stand on equal footing with Shinae in the chess game, he needs to face himself, take a leap of faith and try to open up to her, little by little. He needs to believe Shinae is not as fragile as she seemed; she can take his burden and she won't leave him either.

If, in the future, Nol ever find himself immersed in his Antihero role for too long, or he's into his revenge plot too deep, Shinae needs to stop him from hurting himself. Maybe she even have to resort to some brute force if he keeps being stubborn.

Shinae and Nol have different stats in nature, so she has to get creative and proactive with her ways to make up for her weakness, if she wants to stand by Nol's side equally.

Just like Nol who has the capability to manipulate anyone -- including his partner -- if he wanted to, Shinae is just as capable to take the rein of their relationship, like the way she accepting and stopping their dance when she found something wrong. It's up to her if she want to continue the dance --letting her partner be blind, or stopping the dance completely if it means she could get him to open his eyes (come in terms with his feelings).

...

Yeah, I felt that pit in my chest when I saw it...

It becomes more and more clear how significant it is to Shin-ae and who she is. And really seeing how terrible it was — gosh, it makes me feel so dumb for not understanding how important it is.

The image meant to embody what she hates most is herself with the scar... meaning, what I assume to be (even more so than falling from the pool), the point in her life that most symbolically shows her largest issues with herself — her lack of autonomy, her inability to take care of herself, her weakness.

And yeah, to know how significant it was to Shin-ae... I think it's only natural to assume this would be a key point of tension for Yeong-gi and Alyssa, and I totally think he would be completely hostile bc of it.

I saw a post saying that if Sherlock didn’t mean the ILY, the scene loses all its significance. So here’s the thing: The tests Eurus put them through were supposed to be psychologically traumatizing.

There’s no way this applies if Sherlock really did mean the ILY. Sherlock telling the woman he loves that he loves her is as horrible as being forced to kill someone? Sherlock telling the woman loves that he loves her makes him furious enough to smash a coffin to bits? No.

The whole point of the test was that he didn’t reciprocate her feelings. And realizing that really only takes common sense:

PART 1: CONTEXT

Sherlock knows she has feelings for him. At first he was cruel to her, but around S3, he started being nicer- no longer shutting her down and instead politely ignoring her feelings because she’s useful to him and he owes her after the fall. Over time, he has grown to appreciate her as a trusted friend.

So when Sherlock forces out an ‘I love you’ to save her from being blown up, it hurts. She doesn’t know he’s trying to save her. She probably thinks that this is the only way she’ll ever be able to hear those words from him. Or maybe she thinks he means it, but he knows he’ll have to break her heart later for the umpteenth time. And the worst part is… it was all for nothing. There were no bombs. Sherlock is so furious that he smashes a coffin.

Those aren’t the actions of someone who realized in that moment that he loved Molly. That’s someone who’s had to reject her time and time again, but over the years grew to be kinder, and now just had to throw away all that progress and manipulate her in the most horrible way he ever has.  

This even shows in his facial expressions. That first pathetic attempt is not the face of someone who's going to realize he loves her 2 seconds later. She told him to say it like he meant it. The clock was ticking down and she wasn’t responding, so he ups his game and says it normally.

PART 2: AFTERMATH

As soon as it’s over, he's relieved he saved her.  The aftermath is the coffin smashing, because he’s furious he had to hurt her again when he’s grown from doing that... and it was all for nothing. I’d be pissed too.

Where’s the aftermath in his facial expressions or actions if he just realized he loved her? It’s not there. But all we get with Molly in terms of resolution is a split second of her in an ending montage where everyone is back to normal doing their thing. I really don’t think there’s any significance in the fact that she’s smiling. I suppose it just means we can assume she and Sherlock made up off-screen (which I think is an injustice to her.)

All the main characters were in the montage, that includes Molly. I mean, what were they going to do? Close the show with everyone else happy, but she’s over in a corner sobbing? If her importance was bumped up to that of a love interest for Sherlock, they easily could’ve shown that by having her do more than just standing there and walking in.

PART 3: MEANING                                        

So no, if Sherlock didn’t mean the ILY, the scene does not lose all its significance. In fact, I think if meant it, the scene becomes cheap and senseless, and his actions before, during, and afterwards don’t make sense.

It’s because he didn’t mean it the scene is so emotional and heavy. It’s a cruel play on how much he’s manipulated her in the past and how he’s changed, but now had to do it again for no reason.

It’s powerful because at one point in time, Sherlock wouldn’t have cared if he hurt someone as a means to an ends. But he’s grown. He cared when he realized John was hurt by him faking his death. From that, he learned he can’t just fuck with people’s feelings, that includes Molly. And that’s why it hurts so much when he’s forced to play with her heart again.

I find this way more powerful than if he meant it.

This context and meaning is completely lost on Sherl0lly shippers who block everything else out and only focus on the fact that he said ‘I love you’ and she said it back. They believe it made their ship canon, even though if a ship is canon, it would be clear to every viewer, not just shippers on tumblr. And the creators would likely acknowledge it as well, not suggest Molly went and shagged someone.

Part 4: WAS IT WORTH IT?

While it is powerful and tragic and all, all this scene did was hurt Molly for no reason other than to show us that (as we’ve seen before) Sherlock has grown emotionally since S1.

On a totally surface level (which is how most viewers watch the show) Molly only existed in this scene to be a prop for a man’s emotional pain. On a surface level, she wasn’t treated with respect by the writers. The fact that Moftiss went in a room and whipped this out when they were told to change the scene should tell you that. I really feel like they didn’t give two second’s thought to what this would do to Molly.

The problem is that for 4 seasons, Molly’s most definable character trait has been her crush. Yes, we know she’s a pathologist, but she is still known first and foremost as the girl who likes Sherlock. They took that concept, dragged it out for way too long, and then threw it in her face by making her cry into the phone and admit something she wasn’t ready to admit.

I, for one, don’t think showing us Sherlock has grown up was worth emotionally destroying Molly.  Especially since we’ve seen his growth demonstrated before, and she didn’t even get a resolution.

So Shinae has decided to stop their dance and "ditch" him. She was too upset to even say goodbye. Funny how his hand is reaching out to her, even though he knew his decision would push her away.

I guess there's a bit of a hope in him, that Shinae would be able to keep up with his ass like the way she's been doing, but man, he's pushing it this time. Shinae has her limit.

As the result, Nol is "forced" to take off his blindfold.

People in Reddit are wonderful. They come up with many beautiful, interesting ideas. Like the image when Nol opened the blindfold, his head is above the water level, meaning he's (at least) not drowning and no longer gasping for air. Or when Nol said sorry, there's a light at the end of the dark tunnel and beyond that light, Shinae is there for him. Or how Nol found himself on a crossroad and he has to choose: either he has to remove the mask, or be left standing with a reminder of her in his hands. Go to the discussions there to find more of these!

I personally love the moment when he open his eyes, he's surrounded with bright warm light.

He really need this moment, to come in terms with his feelings in a place where he feels safe.

I re-read my analysis from last week, and maybe I'm being too harsh with him. I kinda forced him to open up even though I know he's not there yet. This comment definitely help me to realize that.

It's normal for people to feel embarassed to expose their vulnerable side to other people. Shinae was like that too.

I understand why she feels so upset; she was so heartbroken by Nol's drastic change, she just want to help him out quickly so things could go back to the way it's like before. She was impatient; understandable, given how quick her world turned upside-down the moment Nol is gone. This "mask" thing has been going on for too long, but taking it off is the hardest thing to do when you've been wearing one in all your life.

So Shinae.

Next time, why don't you try to be the "blind" one? Let him be the one who open his eyes; let him be himself in front of you, but don't let him know you see him. Just turn a blind eye, like the way he's helping you to open up.

There must be tons of things inside Nol's mind the moment his birthday party is over. He must be mulling over what he contemplate during the week after he and his friends parted ways, what lead him up to this point.

Nol has been self-depecrating for years; he was depressed and guilty for what happened in the past. He felt like he doesn't deserve to live and be happy, even if he wanted to. He thought making friends be happy could be his way to atone his sins. But no, he feels like he made everything worse, because he lead them into danger (read: Yui) instead. He endangered them. And he already likes them so much at this point so when they parted, it just leads to another heartbreak.

Shinae calling him a fake person was just adding salt to his wound.

After spending a week mulling over her words, he came to a conclusion that no amount of good deeds he has done will ever be enough to save himself, and he needs to get over his friends because he's undeserving of their love after deceiving and hurting them; Shinae might be the catalyst of Nol's drastic change.

Making friends was a mistake; that's what he believed. That's probably what promted him to go to Alyssa's christmas party because he wanted to forget all the "mistakes" he made. He belonged with his "family," sarcastically speaking. He just wanted to stop giving a fuck to anything. Until he met Shinae again.

She lifted him up, she's using such sweet words to lure him out, she even shared her painful past to try to relate to him. Even after he wrecked her best friend's party and told her to stay away, somehow she still finds her way to save him. She even organized this little party for him. Not to mention, the awkward morphine misunderstanding; yet, she didn't leave. Just how could she stayed by his side after he hurted her from his lies and deceit? He knows how much trust issue Shinae has, so how come she still trust him? Nol really wanted to know.

Then, he saw her gift.

The oranges and the doodle: a reminder of how they meet and the first 24 hours they spent together.

The birthday note: An opposite of what she used to say (Humans suck), and the answer of his question, "why she decided to accept him the first night they met."

Seeing her gift made him realize, maybe, she is the gift all along.

Seeing the oranges and the doodles, he's reminded how lucky he is to have meet Shinae.

Seeing the birthday note, he realized how fortunate he is for asking her to be his partner.

If it wasn't for her, he probably wouldn't even make it to end of the year, and that's not an exaggeration.

She is the mirror that reminded him that he -- the Nolan inside Yeong-Gi mask -- is not okay at all.

She inspired him to try once again with his "family."

When the world told him he's unwanted, she was there to accept him.

They laughed and bickered like old friends.

She gave him a reason to return to this world.

Even after he hurted her, she still hold onto him to share their pain together.

She becomes the bridge to the people who genuinely love him.

She gives him more happiness than he could hold. She gave him reasons to keep living.

And she would not be here if it's not for his efforts to be her friend.

Making friends was not a mistake, it turns out. All the good deeds he has done, it wasn't for naught. All the pain he endured -- especially in the last 3 months -- as Yeong-Gi has finally payed off with a true, loyal friend staying by his side in this moment. She started to make him believe he (might be) wasn't that much of a bad guy, because it seemed like God has accepted some of his repentance. Making friends was not a mistake, or was it?

It's true his perseverance has payed off, but we can't deny all the adventures he went through in the last 3 months is because of Shinae. She has been a force that pushed him to be more involved with the Hiraharas, whether he likes it or not. It leads him to trauma, tears, heartbreaks, even literal injuries... Does it mean Shinae is a curse instead of a blessing?

No, of course not.

When I first read this chapter on fastpass, my head was in mush the whole day, it feels like I've fallen in love. Even after today, 4 weeks later, I still can't put this chapter down. Everything was so intimate, it might be more intense than any romance media I've read so far. (I swear romance in slice-of-life genre is the best). With all that mush, there's also a silent dread in the back of my head, like, if tonight is the peak of Nolan's happiness since forever, what kind of pain and torture that awaits him in the future? Hhhahah let's stop thinking there.

1. I was pleasantly surprised when Nol was about to apologize to Shinae about the whole awkward-morphine-thing! I thought he's gonna use this opportunity to let her stay away from him, but nope. I forgot this is The Nolan Who-didn't-shy-away-from-Shinae-because-she's special Lochlainn. I should've known, despite the dread of loving (and losing) someone again, he also couldn't let her go easily.

2. The trio! YESS!! I was hoping they'd come! "How are you doing, stranger?" Damn right Shoushi, Nol hasn't introduce himself with his real name yet. "Oh shut up, let us have this!" Damn right Shinae. Just let them love you for God sake.

3. Awww that red blush! That crooked smile! It's the similar crooked smile Yeong-Gi had when Shinae gave him ointment for his scratch!

Nol really is touched by Shinae who doesn't give up on showing her care, despite him pushing her away many times 😭And Daww look at Lil Buddy on Nol's side ready to protect him!

4. Nol:

Also Shinae on ep 2, the first time she met Nol:

😏 Nice throwback Quim 😏

5. Soushi. "It's not like anyone's stealing my lunch money anymore." Is it because Soushi's high school is better than his junior high? Because he has friends who can kick ass now? Or because he kept receiving benefits for being Kousuke's spy? Kinda sus there. BUT! Since he finally realized just how severe Kousuke's relationship with Nol, I should trust him. Plus, Lil Buddy didn't attack him tonight! I trust Lil Buddy who trust Soushi.

6. DUCKIESS!!

If he wasn't impressed before because Dieter only described "Yeong-Gi," not "him," he definitely is now 😭 'Cause the boy who wondered where the duck is in the pond? Now that's Nolan. No wonder Nol is so touched 🥺

7. SoachRoach? Daww Soushi nooo :( I don't want you to consider yourself as a pest! Well, if being a pest means he won't leave Nol alone and continue to be his friend then I don't mind, but still-

8. The "I love you guys!" that Nol exclaimed at Dieter and Soushi, and the silent "I love you so much" that gaze straight into Shinae's eyes is *chef's kiss* 🤌🤌

9. "Shinae! Why are you standing so far away? You're a part of this group too!"

No Dieter, Shinae is a league on her own 😏

10. Haha, the "It's a Girl!" balloon that were changed into "It's a Gift!"? Nice save Shinae, real smooth. And oh, almost forgot. Fun fact, Quimchee said on her cc that if Nol were gonna have a child, he'd definitely want a daughter. Surprise surprise, the balloon Shinae brought on this ep is a gender reveal balloon, with "It's a Girl!" written on it. Quim, are you teasing us? Or is it a foreshadowing 🤣🤣

11. Ngl the panel where Nol is staring at his friends with red/pink sunrise and snowfall is soo pretty it's like shoujo manga. I'm soo sooftt 😭

12. Oh boy. That burger analogy he made is definitely dark. So his birthday is definitely:

1) getting stepped on by Hirahara; and

2) he found his birth/birthday leads to his mom's death/disappereance.

I really hope #2 is just some bs nonsense Yui has told him, but idk. Yui is the master of manipulation, some of what she said might contain some ugly truths, which, could be hard to counter :((

13. "Luck? Maybe bad luck..." Oi Nol, Shinae wouldn't know it was your birthday if it's not for the bible. You won't be able to celebrate your birthday in a good mood if it it's not for the bible. And you definitely wouldn't chase after Shinae in the first place if it's not for Nessa's letter in the bible. So it IS a good luck. How could you forget that?

14. Haha I knew she'd pick the orange! 🤣 But that doodle! I didn't expect her to do that but it's genius 🤣 And that message!

Not only it's a nod to Shinae's line when they first met (Humans suck), it's also the answer of his question earlier!

And it must mean so much to Nol cause, ugh, how do I explain it. For Nol who hate himself so much, hearing "you're a good person" might be a bit too much since it's hard to believe. But "you don't suck that much"? To me, at least, it's easier to take because it means Shinae acknowledged his downsides, but she accepts it anyway. Because she sees some good in him. Because he's special to her. For someone who were used to be told he's nothing? For someone who were told to disappear just a few hours ago by certain someone? That, UGHHH 😭😭

15. Oohh that tapping hand! I remember Nol said he knows how to do scales, so maybe he's playing imaginary piano in his head? Maybe he's reminiscing how his mom used to teach him christmas songs? Don't know if that's really the case but I thought it'll be a nice headcanon :) Shinae must've noticed how lost he is in his own world, so the way she brought him back using a finger dance, it's like she's saying "Don't go. Just look at me." 😭

16. The whole finger dance is so cute, but Nol's darken facee. It's like he's thinking, "Why do you think we can't dance? I don't care how much pain I'm in, I can dance with you. I want to." I swear, Nol's "take your shoes off" is much hotter than any "take off your clothes" from any ML in romance manga.

17. I see Yeong-Gi when I see one. With that smile, that happy remark, and that peek-a-boo? Definitely Yeong-Gi, alright. After he decided to live his life as Nolan, just this once, he wears his mask again to ease Shinae's worry, because he won't let her know alll the pain he felt (maybe I should write an analysis/theories about his motive in the future). He doesn't want to scare her, he wants to see her smile for as long as he could because By Gods he needs it. Their dance is like a sweet, silent goodbye, and they both know it.

18. Lastly, I wanna mention how good Quim is with gestures? Nol is holding only 2 fingers, like he still has a wall that says "I'm only asking you this as a friend. Not that I try to hit on you or anything." Almost like he's scared to invite her, afraid she might be scared of him.

But she's not. She accepted him with her full hand. Yet, he doesn't fully hold her hand because he's not ready to completely accept it, he's not ready to open up yet.

Despite all that, he holds what he can (Shinae's fingers) with all his might, because he's unable to let her go?

QUIMCHEEE 😭😭😭

Why am I bringing up this topic? Because it's heartbreaking to see him not impressed with what his friends came up about good things about him.

Not really a happy face there. It's because he thought the things he has done as Yeong-Gi at the beginning were a ruse. Those were not good things about "him," according to himself.

Despite that, how did he he managed to gain friends he can't help always coming back to? How did he managed to gain true friends who stay loyal to him, despite all the "lies" he laid out?

I might have a biased view,but the way I see it, it's because Yeong-Gi is not a phony. 15-year-old Nolan was just trying to be the best version of himself he wanted to become, in honor of his mum's wish. It's not a bad thing at all.

The good things his friends mentioned were all the things he did at the beginning, when he fully embraced his "Yeong-Gi mask." Nolan might've seen his "help" from that time as a ruse, but the result is impactful and very meaningful for the person who received it. Thanks to Yeong-Gi, Dieter has become less lonely and starts to feel like he belongs here, and Shinae starts to trust people again, becoming a better person in the process. Yeong-Gi healed them.

And God certainly knows he's been doing his best for... 4 years. From he's 15 until 19, which is today. Oh God not number 4 again being Nol's number, the symbol of death and rebirth.

It's okay Nolan, you've tried your best. It's okay to be tired. It's okay to be yourself and take a break. It's okay to let loose for once. As your mum said, the world can't punish you forever. As Shinae said, things will get better for you.

Which is why, tonight, God's gift for his good deeds is this one little "friend" who will go to the end of Earth to defend, protect, and heal you this time. And I'm sure Dieter and Soushi will follow her soon.

Me later: Nol chose to attend Alyssa's christmas party instead of Min-Hyuk's because he might've spend a week mulling over Shinae's words from ep 151, and came to a conclusion that no amount of good deeds will ever be enough to save him, and he needs to get over his friends because he's undeserving of their love after deceiving and hurting them; that Shinae might be the catalyst of Nol's drastic change.

Me further on: Shinae pranked Nol -- that he's been in a coma for months -- without knowing she might've triggered Nol's trauma during the 2 years he spent in Hirahara Mental Facility.