#illyrienne

OMGYOU’RESOSWEETTHANKYOU!!

At five years old, Remus Lupin was precocious. He didn’t believe in the monsters under his bed… even when the mean neighbour kids put them there. Every full moon, he would climb out of his bed, being as quiet as possible, just in case his mum or dad might hear his little feet padding across the cold wooden floorboards. His dad said that the most dangerous and deadly monsters came out on the full moon, that there were things worse than death. Remus refused to believe that anything could hurt him. His dad was the smartest man he could ever imagine, and knew every spell there was to know. His mom was the most beautiful woman in the entire world, and nothing could ever hurt her or the smile she perpetually wore. And besides, there was just… something about the full moon. The way the light was almost as powerful as the sun, but completely different. Remus would just sit there on the bay window seat for as long as he wanted, peeking through the curtains and wishing he were on that moon, swimming in the light. He knew what magic was, but this was a whole other level of it. Something even wizards as adept as his father couldn’t tame.

A shadow crossed the street. Remus blinked, and there was nothing there, but he hopped off the window anyhow. Sure, he liked to think he didn’t believe in the monsters, but he was still only five, and his heart was skipping wildly in his chest at what he thought he might have seen. He had forgotten to shut the curtain all the way, and a glimmer of moonlight slanted across the floor, lighting on his bed. He shut his eyes as he clambered back under the covers, trying to ignore the way the window creaked against a slight breeze. He didn’t want to call out to his parents because he knew that there couldn’t possibly be anything there. He curled up into a ball, tears leaking out of his eyes until he finally drifted off into sleep.

 Six years later, and Remus had his teeth gritted. Shirtsleeves pulled down by clenched fists, and him trying to desperately sink into the collar that was too big for his scrawny neck like some kind of turtle.

“Come on, lad.” Lyall said, but his voice was just as stony and nervous as Remus felt. Sure, Dumbledore had promised everything would be fine, but the eleven year old just couldn’t see his way to believing him. A quick mental calculation and he realised that there was no way he was going to be able to have a compartment to himself. There were too many students and students-to-be milling about on the platform.

“Mama. I don’t mind not going.” Remus looked up at his mother. Hope had changed in the last six years. She still smiled, but it was a drawn one. Her skin was grey and her eyes heavy with worry for her only child. “Don’t be silly, Remus, of course you’re going. You’ll have an amazing time.” Like Lyall though, her voice didn’t hold the sincerity it should have. Other families on the platform were smiling and laughing, everyone helping each other to get trunks onto the train. Remus’s own trunk was sitting forlornly on a trolley. Even his brand new owl had picked up on the atmosphere of the little family and looked downcast. There were ten minutes before the Hogwarts Express would be pulling out of the station, and yet Remus still hadn’t made a move to get on. Half of him was hoping the train would pull away and he’d be forced to go home and continue his life of secrecy. The other half remembered just how sturdy a castle would be. How Dumbledore had promised to protect him. How his mother had looked lying in her bed, abdomen wrapped in bandages.  

“Mama,” he had sobbed, “Mama, I’m sorry!” Every day since the full moon after his ninth birthday he had come in here, crying and wishing he could take it all back. And every single time, his mother would pat the space in the bed beside herself, and break a bar of chocolate in half for them to share. “It wasn’t your fault, my darling, and I am healing fine.” She would say. “Look how much better I’m doing today!” And he would curl into her side, ever mindful of her injuries. She would run her fingers through his sandy hair, and they would listen to the Wizarding Wireless Network while they ate chocolate.

I’m pretty sure they didnt unless you count The World Is Ugly, but I think the album version was different than the live version.