The girl I’m in love with is getting married and wants me to be her maid of honor. She knows about my feelings and is marrying my other bff(girl too). I truly only want her to be happy but it hurts. How do I deal with this so I can be there for my friends and a part of their life’s? (If you answer this can you tag my side blog (illgetoverit) so I can make sure I see it) Thank you guys in advance, L.H.
Hey there, buddy!
I’m sorry to hear about this, I can only imagine how bittersweet it must be, to see two people you care about in love with each other when one of them is the object of your affections.
It seems you’re already dealing okay with it, you want them to be happy, and you’re willing to be there for them.
I think now you may need to take a deep breath, and look at life objectively for a little while. Meditate, do what you like the most, listen to your favorite band, paint something, I don’t know. Just focus your energies on something you like, and reflect on this situation. Think about how you love this woman, and how she matters to you. Think also about how good a friend she has been, about how good a friend her fiancé has been. Think about how you care about them in ways that go beyond your own needs.
Think about how it’s okay, because it wasn’t meant to be, because life works in mysterious ways, and sometimes it’s not what we hoped for, but we still get a pretty good come out. Sure, she doesn’t feel the same way, but she still cares so much about you, she still wants you in your life. She respects you and cares for you.
I know it must be so hurtful, I know it is really tough. But if you want to be in her life, the one way to do it is to just face the music. Do what you must, participate. Do make your boundaries clear, do respect your own time to heal, your own needs for distance whenever you feel things are getting a little too close for comfort... But you’re strong. This woman wasn’t the one, but the one is out there. It’s not easy to move on, but I imagine knowing the person she is with might help reassure you. There’s a reason they are the ones together, as difficult as this must be for you to face.
I think taking some time to rationalize and go through all this, some time to process all this information, some time to come to terms with it... You’ll need that. Decide what it is you need, how much you’re comfortable with, and decide if you need more time and more space.
I hope life is kinder on you from here on out, sister. I’m sorry it’s been so tough lately, but yeah. You’ll find your love elsewhere, you’re not broken by this experience, time goes by and heals what must be healed.
I wish you happiness, and I hope you know that you’re doing so good by even considering this. If you figure out maybe you don’t want to be involved in the wedding... It’s okay. You’re not a bad person for needing to keep your distance, you’re not a bad person for the feelings you have. You didn’t do anything wrong, and your friends know that. Talk to them, be open. Things will be okay, don’t punish yourself for things and feelings you can’t control.
Take care, and good luck!
/Mod A
