#mebeingabitch

I think I’ve grown use to not having any sort of affection. Though I’d kill for a hug about now.

just once. that's all I want . that's all it would take to finally break this shaky faith. just one god damned mother fucker to look me in the eyes and honestly say "no Shawn, you're wrong. " or id even settle for one "i'm fine " that's true. just one god forsaken sentence would save me. but nooooooooo, Mr. fucking pretentious dickwipe asshole that stomps all over people and their feelings just so happened to receive a gift that guarantees that will never happen. For dear sweet fucks sake I just want to quit fucking seeing the lies people hide in their eyes. I haven't even had time to fucking cut myself I've been so busy feeling sorry for everyone else. how many times do I have to look inside a woman I love and see suicide? its happened so many times already I honestly fucking quit seeing it as a big deal Amelia cut herself so deep I couldn't look at her sober without crying. Candice tried to kill herself while on the phone with me. out of respect for their privacy I wont name the others but there is seven more I do believe. and the best part? the absolute best part? my own fucking mother is on the list. people ask why I'm not religious, how could any god whatsoever let this happen to these wonderful women? what fucking asshole could have ever expected me to bear this before I even turn eighteen? I'm no hero. I'm just an asshole with some fucked up eyes. so if you're up there god, this is my final request that will let me know you're real; strike me blind. strike me blind and leave me to die. because I'm fucking sick of this existence. of this pain. of these motherfucking cock sucking god forsaken choices I'm forced to make. and if you're reading this , thanks for not giving up on my post. im sorry for ranting like a little bitch , but its whatever. goodbye