#ilikehim

i dont know how to put it into words and its 4 am but as an aroace person analyzing things through an aroace lens i notice little aroace things. i think arturo is very fascinating. he doesn't see people as humans, nor himself nor ugly nor beautiful people, in fact he sees beautiful people as gods, he worships them as sacred entities, their beauty isnt only physical it's everything about them that's beautiful and makes them beautiful. their money, their fame, success etc, beauty is a god-like quality that goes beyond appearances and those who have it are perfect all-powerful deities. it's truly like religious fanaticism. i don't think there's sexual feelings involved because of that, to arturo they've stopped being people on the same level as him and have been elevated so high that he just doesn't see them the same anymore, his feelings towards them are different from how he feels about the people in his life (his sister, his parents) because they're a different species pretty much. unreachable concepts of people that symbolize everything he wants but cannot have and delude him into believing he can achieve it one day. they're symbols, not human beings

it's actually crazy to me when i see people say stuff like "arturo is straight because he likes female celebrities/likes j" because wow we perceive things so differently. i mean i can't for sure say everyone i've seen say these things is allosexual lol but i do think there's a difference in how we or at least i perceive things as an aroace person. though i gotta say the j thing is just mischaracterization tbh. but i mean attraction is very much tied with sexual feelings in media and society in general so i get that (that's another facet of beauty standards actually... well i've talked about this before). in fact lots of people don't understand how you can find someone aesthetically appealing without feeling personally attracted to them, nor want to do anything with them like kiss or have sex, but it's totally possible. is that how arturo feels idk but i think it is. i wonder how he feels about "real" people though, aka those around him, as i said i do think he feels differently towards them but also he is constantly dismissing everyone so it's not like we (or even he) can know... with his way of viewing people being so black and white and having these 2 extremes on how he views and treats everyone it's kind of complicated to find a middle-ground. even if there even isn't one now i think there was one before at least. is it bad to say i think certain characters can't fall in love as they are right now also? this is how i feel about him though (also ashe). basically his way of viewing people is uniquely fucked up in a way where i don't even know where those feelings would even fit

actually i think one of the reasons why i like arturo's relationship with j so much is that it isn't romantic. i mean it has all the stuff that's thematically romantic right. obsessing over someone, wanting to be with them all the time, wanting to please them, wanting them to like you etc etc. but there isn't romantic love. in fact there isn't true love at all. he completely disregards her as a person and constantly disrespects her. you can say he "loves" the idea of her in his head, but even then, he loves what she represents, what she is associated with (fame, money, but also comfort because of mariabella), what he gets from being able to be close to her (emotional stability as he is escaping from reality) and helping her (sense of self-worth). as i said he doesn't view her as a human but as something above him, something sacred, he wants to preserve her beauty as he understands it to prop himself up, to make him feel worthy and to reassure his beliefs

personally i think it's fascinating to explore all those concepts that are so intrinsically tied with love (name 1 song about obsession that isn't ineherently romantic or sexual) but signify totally different things within the context of the story. wowowow. like, they could've made it romantic if they wanted to, you know, but they didn't, and that's so cool to me... it's an uniquely fucked up secret third thing i don't find anywhere else... they are my fav dynamic forever