#iliette

Hey hey hey! Quiet down, everyone! I’m about to give a speech. That means you all have to be quiet. SHHH. HEY YOU. QUIET.

So I’m not officially the maid of honor, but that’s fine. Anything official sounds boring and stuffy anyway. It’s way better to be the unofficial maid of honor because no one expects much of you but you still get to give a speech.

Oh yeah! The speech! I’ll start giving it now.

I met Iliette a year ago. Well, a long time ago. And a year ago sounds like a long time. At the time we were both part of a free company called Driftwood Coast and she was totally jealous of me. That makes total sense. I’m awesome. Anyroad, one day she declared me her rival. If I recall it was the same day that a mutual friend of ours had me cornered in an alleyway and was saying something to me like “Blah blah You used to bully me Blah Angry Blah Revenge Blah”. I didn’t catch the specifics. I think it was some sort of weird love confession.

But Iliette jumped in the way and saved me from his creepy advances declaring, “Get away from her! She’s my rival!” and thus began a frenemy relationship between me and Iliette for the ages. Poets would write sonnets about us if any were creative enough to find words to describe the exact nature of our friendship and then rhyme other words with them.

I’ll stop here to tell you the truth. If I weren’t on this planet, Iliette would be the number 1 person on it. Since I am here she is the number 2 best person on it, which isn’t too shabby. And now she’s getting married to our old boss with the best hair I’ve ever seen and I think, given his attraction to Iliette and his dedication to good grooming, that he might be the #3 best person on the planet. I don’t know. I think I made a chart on our rankings once.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m really happy that they’re getting married today. They are proof that in this war-infested, sometimes oppressive and sometime dreadfully mundane reality that sometimes miracles still do happen. Wonderful, attractive, absolutely amazing people can still find each other and fall in love through all of this. And if you are lucky, they will count you among their friends and you’ll get to see it happen. And if you’re really lucky you’ll give a speech at their wedding and they won’t even boo at you to get down off the table while you’re giving it.

I don’t like focusing on anything too sentimental or gushy or grossly saccharine. It makes me gag and I don’t want to gag when I’ve been eating all this amazing food. Who’s your cater, Iliette? Is it a guy? Is he single?

Anyroad, what I’m trying to say is congratulations and I’m so damn happy for you, 2nd and 3rd best people. Oh. What the hell. Screw it.Today, Iliette and Desmond, I concede that you, together, are the very best people, the number 1 best people, in all of Eorzea.

But I’m taking the title back tomorrow.

Ok you all, drink!”

http://yourlisten.com/XifangCrimson/xiliettespeech