#ikawrites

Koushi is the best stroke of luck Tooru has ever encountered in his life.

He would often think that he must have done something miraculous in his past life to be blessed with his partner. The past four years have been nothing short of warm and happy, all thanks to Koushi. Even to this day, Tooru would feel the familiar warmth blooming in his chest every time he lays his eyes on his Mr. Refreshing.

“You’re staring.”

His lover’s voice cuts through his thoughts, and Tooru finds curious hazel eyes looking at him from across the couch. It’s a slow Sunday night for both of them with Tooru idly browsing through his phone (well, he was) and Koushi reading a classic novel, legs tangled at the middle of the couch.

“I was just thinking,” Tooru feels himself smiling, “about how lucky I am to have you.”

“You’re such a sap.” Koushi teases, not without a blush creeping his cheeks.

“I’m serious.” Tooru moves to stand up, his ashen-haired boyfriend’s eyes following his movements. He extends a hand to him, and Koushi takes it, the pair quickly falling into an embrace. Tooru sighs, content. “I love you so much.”

Koushi laughs, and Tooru feels his heart about to combust as the sweet sound rings in his ears. He would never get tired of this, of Koushi.

“What’s with you?” His boyfriend raises his brow. “You’re being sweet.”

“I’m always sweet, Kou-chan.”

“Do you need something from me?”

“Kou-chan!” Tooru exaggeratedly exclaims. “I’m offended you think I’m like that!”

His shorter boyfriend laughs more, his arms not letting go of the shirt on his back. “You’ll be surprised at how sweet you can be when you’re needy.”

Tooru won’t deny that he can be needy. How could he not be? He couldn’t help himself from wanting more of his lover. He won’t stop wanting—needing—Koushi like a lifeline. And Koushi never falls short of making sure Tooru knew he was loved.

So, with every second of the day, Tooru makes sure to shower Koushi with all the love he deserves, since he’s received so much. He’d give him the world if he could, because Koushi deserves nothing less than that.

“Koushi, look at me,” Tooru coaxes, his hand cupping his lover’s soft, pale cheeks. Hazel eyes bore into chocolate ones, both sparkling with affection. “You and me, always, right?”

Koushi smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Always.”

With each movement, each gesture, Tooru always tries and tries and tries to make sure his boyfriend knows that he won’t be going anywhere. That he would always be here, cherishing him, loving him, and that he wouldn’t stop, ever. “I’m never going to leave you.”

“I know, Tooru.” Koushi’s smile is so bright, filling every crevice of Tooru’s soul with affection. “I love you, you sap.”

They hold their loving gazes for a bit before bursting out into laughter, warmth spreading throughout their home. Tooru’s happy that Koushi’s happy, and he would gladly do whatever it takes to keep what they have in his life forever.

You’d think, at thirty years old, they shouldn’t be doing things like this, but here they are—

Inside the Sendai City Gymnasium (now Kamei Arena Sendai). After hours.

They’re still reeling from the realization that they had both successfully managed to sneak past security checks. How Suga got this planned out, Tooru has no clue. He was even more surprised at why Suga had this planned out. Sure, he was mischievous, but he was nowhere near Tooru’s level of crazy.

Besides, this was his stupid plan all along. How dare Suga somehow beat him to the bush.

“We actually did it!” Suga breathed out before letting himself drop to the hard gymnasium floor. “I seriously thought we were going to get caught.”

Ever since Suga had suggested this wild idea as they were headed back to their shared apartment, Tooru has been antsy. He’s had this great plan in his head to somehow drag Suga into the gymnasium—where he first laid eyes on his Mr. Refreshing—to finally pop the question after 3 solid years of being together. Iwaizumi called him crazy after telling him this elaborate plan of getting the Karasuno and Seijoh volleyball club alumni to play match, in which Tooru would serve a ball to Suga with the ring attached. Tooru thought it was genius, but Iwaizumi shot him down. It’s hard enough to get the whole gang together for this, let alone do it in the actual gymnasium. And the ring on the volleyball?! Poor Tooru was laughed at.

But. Here they were. Tooru’s mind was spinning. His hands felt clammy. He was more nervous now than he felt at any of their matches before. And he know’s Suga knows, given the worried glances and concerns he’s been asking him all night.

“Listen, I’m really sorry this was so out of the blue,” Suga started, facing Tooru. “You’ve been on edge the whole night and I understand, since we’re trespassing on private property, and Daichi was right—this was a terrible idea.”

He was rambling.

Tooru couldn’t think straight. What the heck is this?!

“But I really couldn’t have it any other way.” Suga stared straight at Tooru, a determined look on his face. “I couldn’t have it any other way, because twelve years ago, right here,” he gestured to the floor, “Is the exact place I fell in love with you.”

What?

“Ever since that moment, you never left my mind. At first I thought you were just an immature, arrogant jerk,” Tooru pouted at this, “but when I saw you play, and saw how you passionately led your team—your family, I was amazed, really. And you never left my mind since.”

Suga gently took Tooru’s hands in his. Tooru was still uncharacteristically quiet and shaken, but was listening nonetheless. He knows where this is going, right? This can’t actually be happening, right?

“I’m so proud of how far we’ve come, and of everything we have gone through, together and apart.” Suga pressed his lips onto Tooru’s knuckles. “And I want to continue to grow with you until we’re old and can’t even play volleyball anymore.”

Suga started fishing for something in his coat’s pocket when Tooru started to feel tears sting his eyes. “Suga—“ he managed to choke out.

“I guess what I’m saying is,” Suga got down on one knee, and in his hands were a simple black box, “I love you so, so, so much, Tooru Oikawa.”

Tooru was shaking, and Suga was, too—a rare moment where Mr. Refreshing has lost his calm demeanor. Suga opened the box to reveal a simple gold band sitting on a light blue cushion.

“Will you marry me?”

Tooru lost it.

He was crying, crying so hard. Suga caught him when he fell to his knees, worried. Then, Tooru was laughing—

“I can’t believe it.” Tooru said in between his laughter. “Iwa-chan called me crazy for it, but I can’t believe you actually did it.”

Suga stared at him, lost, nervous, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Suga-chan, you’re crazy. Absolutely crazy.” Tooru was still laughing with tears streaming down his cheeks. He fumbled with his jacket’s pocket, and Suga’s eyes widened, when Tooru brought out a similar looking black box.

“Tooru, I—“

“I can’t believe you actually said it first, Mr. Refreshing.” Tooru smiled. He opened the box. It looked exactly like what Suga had proposed with, except this was silver. Suga’s eyes started to water.

“This was my plan, too.” Tooru softly said. He cupped Suga’s cheeks, and their lips met in a loving kiss. They broke apart laughing, holding each other in an embrace.

“You didn’t answer my question, though.” Suga said. “Heck, you didn’t even ask me the question—“

“KOUSHI!” Tooru whined. “The ring is literally right here!”

The couple slipped their rings onto each other’s fingers, the bands fitting snugly. They lay on the gymnasium floor in each other’s arms, reminiscing about the past few years, talking about more future dreams with each other, thinking about what food to serve when they get married—just the two of them, enjoying the warmth and comfort of one another in the midst of the cold floor.

“You know, I was actually afraid that you were going to break up with me.” Suga said. “You looked so sketchy the whole night, and I knew it wasn’t because we were sneaking in—I know you can do that without breaking a sweat.” Suga laughed.

“First of all, how dare you think that—“ Tooru poked Suga’s chest. “Second, thank you, yes, I can sneak into this place no sweat.” He kissed Suga on the forehead, to which Suga snuggled in closer. “Third, I was just nervous because my plan was already rolling, and I wasn’t even the one who started it.”

“We’re crazy.” Suga laughed.

“Totally insane.” Tooru followed.

“And we’re going to have to sneak back out soon.” Suga got up and extended a hand to Tooru. “I want to be able to get married without any illegal stuff on my records.”

They shared one more kiss before exiting the gym, fingers intertwined. Nothing can compare to the joy they both felt, knowing they’re finally, finally going to be together forever. They snuck out, miraculously unseen, and walked back home.

“Ahh, I can’t believe I actually did that.” Suga let out a breath he’s been unconsciously holding. “Your crazy has infected me.”

“I’d gladly offer to switch the story up. Make it my plan, you know.” Tooru wiggled his eyebrows. Suga punched his arm.

“No way, I’m the mastermind behind this. But we may have to switch the story up a bit...” Suga let out a nervous chuckle. “Daichi can never, never know about how this went down.”

“In front of the Sendai City Gymnasium it is, then!” Tooru exclaimed, drawing a laugh from Suga.

“I love you so much, you know.” Suga laced his fingers with Tooru’s once more. Tooru’s eyes softened, a gentle smile graced his lips

Setting: Winter 2022 (starts December), Tokyo + Miyagi

Oikawa: 28, still part of the Argentinian National Team

Sugawara: 28, teaches elementary students at a school in Sendai

[1]

Nearing Christmas, Oikawa was sent on a forced break after injuring his knee in a game. 

While his knee managed to heal, he overworked himself to the bone-his knee injury being the breaking point, Coach Blanco insisted that he needed this in order to come back a stronger player.

Oikawa decided to fly home to Japan. He decided to stay in a hotel in Tokyo for a brief period, enjoying the city’s bustling yuletide season.

One Friday night, while walking down the streets, he bumps into Sugawara. Suga mentions that he was just about to buy a drink and invites Oikawa.

They catch up, flirt, drink glasses of beer as the night draws to a close.

They touch upon Daichi getting married soon, and Iwaizumi settling down with a girlfriend, and kind of relish in heartbreak.

Suga mentions he was in Tokyo since he headed straight here as soon as he was able to leave the school, since he was incredibly stressed.

Oikawa takes Suga back to his hotel and they spend the night there (yes, they do).

Suga rises up early to head back to Sendai, since he has to grade some papers back in the school, despite it being a Saturday.

When it was sundown, Suga was surprised to see Oikawa waiting for him by the school gate. He pulls Suga and manages to drag him into Seijoh, sneaking in. Oikawa admits the small crush he had on Suga, while Suga returns the confession.

[2]

Here’s the muddy in-between lol

Suga & Oikawa meet up time to time, whether it was for a date or for a hookup. They never put a label.

Though they don’t live together, Oikawa stays at Suga’s apartment for long periods of time.

Oikawa helps coach Lil Tykes Volleyball Classroom again.

Suga receives an invitation to Daichi and Michimiya’s wedding, sending him to tears once more. Thankfully, Oikawa is there to help him through. Oikawa says ‘I love you,’ but Sugawara doesn’t say it back.

They grow more and more attached to each other, scaring Suga - he can’t go back to Argentina with Tooru (yes, first name basis now!!), and he doesn’t want to make him stay in Japan for him.

Oikawa knows this is a dead end, since he can’t make Koushi (!!!!!) stop teaching, since it’s his passion.

Long distance relationship is out of the question, since they’re not even in a relationship in the first place!!

One morning: “I want to be selfish, Tooru. I want to want you to stay.” Suga cries. “But I can’t bring myself to. Ever.”

Daichi sends the invitation to the wedding. Suga informs him to reserve a seat for 1.

Suga arrives alone at the wedding. He was happy for Daichi, but he was torn: he misses Oikawa, but is also glad that he decided not to bring him along, since bringing a plus 1 to a wedding means serious things.

To his surprise, Oikawa shows up (he contacted Daichi secretly). Suga is happy, and they dance together.

They continue to go out, being more and more attached to each other as the months pass by, but they don’t put a label on anything.

Oikawa and Suga finally tries to define “the relationship” - there is none. There doesn’t have to be any, since they know it won’t work out. Oikawa gets ready to go back to playing volleyball. They promise not to wait for each other, to move on. They’ll try to keep in touch.

The two agree to not see each other off when Oikawa leaves. They say their final goodbyes at Koushi’s doorstep.

Oikawa takes one last look before entering the departure area, hoping to find Suga, feeling a pain in his chest when he doesn’t.

Oikawa enters the departure area, just as Suga arrives outside, panting, but Oikawa was no where to be seen. He was too late.

[3]

Lots of time skips.

Suga and Oikawa try to keep in touch with their social media, but this dwindles as their schedules get busier.

Oikawa never settles down, but continues to hook up with different people. While he wasn’t trying to fill a void and simply enjoys the company, he keeps going back to Suga, wanting to see him, to feel him once again, and again, and again.

Though they don’t talk anymore, Oikawa constantly checks Suga’s Facebook, even liking some photos as he passes by them.

Suga tries to settle down. He eventually finds himself a girlfriend, whom he loves very much. They decided to marry, and they do. He looks at their wedding photo on his social media, staring long and hard at the notification: Liked By Tooru Oikawa

After three years of marriage, Suga’s wife files a divorce. Although Suga tried to fight for their marriage, his wife points out that she knows: she knows there’s someone else in his heart. She knows he’s never gotten over him. She knows. 

“And it’s okay.” She says. “I know you still love him.”

Suga’s (now ex-) wife tells him she understands admits that she still loves her best friend and wants to be with her.

His wife argues that they only married for the sake of tradition which hurts Suga, since he does still love his wife, but comes to terms with what was really missing - Oikawa. He eventually signs the papers, and divorce peacefully.

“I hope you’ll be happy someday, Koushi.” She says before bidding goodbye. “With Tooru.”

Oikawa notices the lack of updates from Suga - he probably lives a quiet life, now. Is his wife beautiful? I hope she’s kind to him. I wonder if they have kids. They’ll probably be as beautiful as Koushi.

It’s what he deserves.

[4]

Year 2037. Coach Jose Blanco passes away, and Oikawa is devastated and, for the first time in a while, unsure.Maybe he should coach. Maybe he should stop playing volleyball and live a normal life. Then, he decides that he needs another reset. Boarding the plane, he posts a photo on his social media: Going back home.

Suga's in the break room when he sees Oikawa’s post. He’s teaching high school now, and is the adviser and co-coach for the school’s volleyball club. He quickly scrambles, asking one of the teachers to substitute for him - it’s an emergency, he says. He hops onto a cab and heads to Sendai Airport, heart racing. I don’t even know what his exact arrival time is. What if it’s not in Sendai Airport? What if he comes home with a family? Would he even be glad to see me?

He gets off the cab and nervously waits on a bench across the entrance. Suga keeps checking Oikawa’s social media for updates, but there was none. Why can’t I message him?

Hours pass by and it’s already 10 in the evening when the next flock of people come out. Suga keeps his eyes peeled, and then - there he is.

Oikawa comes into the clearing, looking around. There’s no one with him, but Suga’s heart drops. He runs to Oikawa, tears threatening to spill.

“Koushi? What -”

Without shame, a crying Suga kisses Oikawa. After recovering from his shock, he returns the kiss, a sigh of relief leaving Suga’s lips.

After the kiss, they stand in each others arms, panting.

O: “What are you doing here?”  S: “Waiting for you you idiot - wait, you’re not married, are you? Oh my god, what have I done -” O: “I’m not, but you... You’re married, right?” S: [smiles and shows his bare left hand] “I’m not.”

Oikawa laughs, feeling all his emotions bubble out all at once. He spends the night at Suga’s once more, relishing in his lover’s arms, happy.

O: “I still don’t know what’ll happen from now on.” S: “We’ll make it work.” O: “I don’t know if I’m staying in Japan.” S: “We’ll make it work.” O: “Are you sure? I can’t take you away from what you love, Koushi. What if I decide to go back to Argentina -” S: “We’ll make it work.”

Suga holds Oikawa in a loving embrace, and Oikawa sighs at the warmth. Suga looks him in the eyes with reassurance and determination. “Besides...”

“It’s you, Tooru...” Suga plants a kiss on Oikawa’s forehead. “You’re the one I love.”

x

Sorry it’s so long & wordy HAHA.

unsent letters of love and loss

from: Bokuto Koutarou

We lost another match today, ‘Kaashi.

We’ve been losing a lot lately.

I think it’s because of me.

My spikes are received so easily and I keep missing tosses, and all the stress and sadness and anger just fills up my lungs and it gets so hard to breathe—

Shouyou and Tsum-Tsum and Kiyoomi all say they want to help—they wish you well, by the way—but they don’t know how. and they keep saying sorry but it’s not their fault.

Until they told me to take a break. Coach Foster said so. Meian said so. Kuroo said so. They all said so.

I’m off the team. They said it’s only temporary, but it’s all the same to me—

I’m off the team.

I’m off the team, Akaashi.

I cant’ play volleyball.

And you’re still not waking up.

I keep losing and losing and losing everything, Akaashi. I—I can’t lose you, too.

Please don’t let me lose you.

Please wake up, Keiji.

Wake up.

unsent letters of love and loss

from: Sugawara Koushi

June 12, 20223 - 2:42 AM

Tooru,

I’m writing this again, since I could never bring myself to tell any of this to you in person.

It was Hajime’s birthday a day ago. I wish I could have gone, but I don’t think I can ever bring myself to face him, since I know.

I know you’re sleeping with him. In every letter I write, I write this.

I know.

And maybe, maybe, after this 16th letter, I should tell you. I should tell you that I know and it hurts and that I deserve better than someone who cheats on me with his best friend, even if you’ve told me time and time again that I don’t have to worry.

But you look so happy with the way things are going right now, I can’t bring myself to say it. Not yet—maybe not ever. Even if it hurts every time you lie about it, even without me asking. Even if it hurts every time you come home smelling like him. Even if it hurts every time you kiss me and fuck me and tell me that I’m the only one.

So, I’m writing this again, in the hopes that we can keep this secret a little longer—that I can keep you with me a little longer.

It hurts, Tooru. Yet, I can’t even bring myself to think that you’re a terrible person for doing this because I’m so fucking pathetic.

I’m so pathetic.

But the worst thing? You want to know what the worst thing is?

The worst thing is that, even after everything—after all this—I still love you.

I still love you, Tooru. And I’ll continue to love you, until I can’t love anymore.

I’ll love you, no matter what.

I also have a version where Oikawa’s in just a plain denim top, not the arcade-rug-pattern top! I grew to like the funky one, though!

I had totally different outfits planned for them, but those didn’t work out, so I hope this kinda does them justice! It was hard to capture something so retro but modern, so I’m sorry if it falls flat! I had so many tabs opened for men’s casual fashion in the 80′s, plus shows with an ambiguous timeline but are clearly retro inspired (Suga’s jacket is actually inspired by Otis’ from Sex Education). Oikawa’s outfit is inspired by this old photo of Brad Pitt (lmao) and this outfit of the guy in the middle.

Ugh, and it’s only a two-shot.

Like I said, totally self-indulgent.