#brainfart

He had wanted to barge in and hug you tight like he always did, when he uttered that he was never going to leave you deep in the nights when the both of you were huddled together under his blankets, clothes that were once worn now thrown onto the floor, the musky smell of sex feeling the air.

He squeezed you tighter and hugged you closer. Even when if he felt the discomfort of skin sticking to skin, the only thing he had on his mind was how much he loved you, how much he had wanted to stay by your side, how much he had just wanted to be yours in a normal life, not as jujutsu sorcerers.

And curse him for thinking this way as he covered haibara's dead body with nanami slumped in the corner, arm covering his eyes as he blamed himself for the boy's death. And that's when it had hit him that no, not in this life.

So he refused to let himself sink deeper in your warmth, refused to second think his choice, refused to see your lips spreading apart as you whispered to him how much you loved him, refused to see the tears spilling on your face (he knew he would cave in and kiss those tears away), refused to see you, feel you.

And that might be one of the things geto regrets as he sits slumping against the wall, right after his battle with the jujutsu high students.

He hears satoru's footsteps getting heavier and finally pausing, hearing satoru crouch down to face him. He tilts his head just a tiny bit, wincing at the pain that shoots through over that tiny action.

If satoru yelled at him, hit him, or even cursed him, he would have felt better, would have felt that everything he chose to do was worth it.

But as satoru gently smiled at him, eyes softening as he spoke to suguru, everything that he did hit him like a wave.

And suddenly, the only thing he could think about was you.

On nights when he felt lost, on nights when he debated going back, turning himself in, he would think of you.

He would think of how much he missed waking up to you, of your giggles, of the way you would have a habit of bitting the lips that he loved to kiss, of the way you would scrunch your eyebrows at satoru as you hid your smile, and of the way you would stare up at him with eyes full of love, as if no one compared to him and the only thing in your mind was suguru geto.

He had wanted to marry you, grow old with you, have kids with you, wake up by your side every day and hear the soft tone you always had that he could never get tired of whenever you called him 'suguru' (he could already tell from the warm pit in his stomach that you would be the death of him)

And suddenly, geto wishes he had bid you goodbye, that he had seen you one last time before he closes his eyes forever.

He smiles sourly to himself and resigns to his fate, until he hears familiar soft padding of footsteps.

He recognises those footsteps as ones that he had heard countless of times during his youth. The sounds continued on and grew increasingly louder until they were directly in front of him and black pristine shoes came into his view.

As you crouched down, the shoes were replaced with the image of your face, your hair having grown from last time and your features having been more accentuated than the last time he had seen you. He thinks you're ethereal and fuck, he wishes that he had chosen to stay behind instead.

You who he had avoided, you who he left without a proper goodbye, you who only smiled softly with him, the same softness and fondness still there, love and sadness filling your eyes.

Your palm rested against the side of his face, thumb stroking his cheek and geto leans in to enjoy the familiar warmth.

Although more matured and older, you're the same as he remembers.

He thinks maybe, if just maybe, what if he had pushed away his thoughts, what if he gave in to the warmth you were so willing to share, what if he gave in to the sweet morning kisses, what if he gave in to you.

He would have been in a different situation, probably having his legs tangled up with yours under the sheets right now, you staring up at him with that sweet smile of yours and love shining in your eyes.

But he realises, even with regrets, he has things he doesn't.

And so as he drifts off, he echoes in his mind :

In the next life, I promise, when we're normal humans, I'll find you and I won't let you go.

Thanks for reading !! My first post on tumblr😭😭 still trying to figure out some of the writng settings in the meantime, enjoy this slight angst :>