#ihob

Jaron has brought some weird purple guy with him. He says, hey Bacon, this is my friend Ash, we were in jail together.

We drove here separately, Ash tells you, for some reason.

Hey man, you say. Hey, was it weird being next to the mothership? That thing in the sky always freaks you the hell out.

No, says Ash. Jaron laughs. Okay then. You text Planet to come by after his shift, really get the gang together. You tell Ash he can stay for as long as he wants. Jaron already knows that he can. Anyone who’s cool with Jaron is cool with you.

Your name is Bacon and you serve bacon? Ash asks. You gave him a menu but he’s still squinting at the specials board behind you. Jaron is charging his phone with your charger and playing pinball. Ash says: Isn’t that, like, kind of fucked up?

It’s just the name, you say.

Are you named after bacon? Ash presses you. Are you named after a breakfast food?

It’s a tasty add-on to many meals, like our bestselling bacon cheeseburger, you tell him. And for your information, bacon is named after me.

Don’t go around like that, Ash snaps. Our bestselling bacon cheeseburger? Like you do it better. Fucking everyone likes bacon cheeseburgers. That’s not your accomplishment. You just sell a food item everyone wants and don’t fuck it up. Also, I don’t believe you.

Are you sure, you ask? It comes with our bestselling fries.

I hate you, says Ash.

The hell were you thinking, anyone who’s cool with Jaron is cool with you. Jesus fuck. Jaron needs to get better standards.

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The “International House Of Eggs”