#ignor3

I love how Everyone at work hates me and I’m probably going to get fired and I love how I slip up all the time and.accidentally say out loud how much I want to die and at least sometimes people think I’m joking and they laugh but it’s probably still alarming and not a good thing for me to do also how I’m always saying I’m going to kill someone, that’s a good way yo make friends right Love how I’m socially inept as hell and there’s like so many fucking things wrong with me like I am actually incapable of making friends and everyone treats me like I’m a little kid which can be fun sometimes like it’s fun sometimes when they pay attention to me and humor me

But like I know they don’t take me seriously they don’t actually like me they just like to fuck with my head by giving me positive attention

I know that they know that I am not okay as a person but they don’t know that I know they know that and they don’t know I see right through them they treat me like a dumb little kid which isn’t far from the truth but it just sucks that they love pretending to want to be my.friend instead of actually wanting.to be my friend I’ve been invited to hang out.with work people.so many times.and.they never follow.through I bet they all get together and laugh about me.like, “haha I told Lars we could hang out sometime, you should have seen his face, he really believed me, he was actually looking.forward to it but it will never happen hahaha he’s like actually six.years old”

No one cares about me it’s really fucking awesome

because even though this band means more to me than however i attempt to lay out my feelings, i had seriously all but given up on ever seeing the guys live. it seemed like nothing would ever work out.

i got into fob in early 2006 and was sofuckingsofuckingsO FUCKING CLOSE to going to the honda civic tour in 2007. but i couldn't, because my SA levels were getting pretty high and my parents were worried, despite how passionately i listened and sang and danced at home.

then the hiatus, which i don't want to talk about. i could have seen patrick on his soul punk tour but let's not talk about that either om g

and now i'm about to graduate high school and my favorite band is back just in time and i have tickets to see them in a small venue and i could meet. them. and i'm going alone and the fact that i even considered going for it is WOW a big deal.

thinking about not meeting the friends i met because of fall out boy is scary. thinking about surviving the dark pit of life's doom that was 2007-2008 without their music (in particular IOH and folie; shout out to hum hallelujah and water buffaloes) is scarier, i think. and in a little over two months i'm going to scream and sob and hopefully meet some new friends and then it's off to college and a new life and i cannot think of a better way to start it then by attending this concert and mouthing "thank you", or maybe even saying it. 

i'm just really ecstatic.