#ifyousquint

You groaned as someone knocked at the door. You were positive you’d turned off your phone’s GPS so had no idea how the guys had tracked you down, and sure enough when you opened the door you were greeted with their angry faces. You crossed your arms and leaned against the doorframe, trying to act casual to lighten the mood.

“Well hey grumpy bums, what’s crack-a-lacking?” you asked, and immediately cringed. “God, sorry, that was terrible. Never saying that again.”

“What the hell Y/N?” growled Dean. You stepped back as he pushed himself into the room, glaring at you as he counted off his fingers. “You don’t just run off without telling us! You don’t turn off your GPS! You DON’T just leave a note for us saying “sorry guys, back soon”! And you absolutely 100% do not ignore our calls!”

While Dean was losing his cool Sam had taken a seat at the dining table, and was currently sifting through your papers and notes.

“Sam, can you not-” You started before he cut you off.

“No deal,” he snapped angrily as he put his head back down and continued reading, while Dean continued standing in the same spot as before, hands on hips and face bright red. You rolled your eyes and tilted your head toward him.

“OK, deep breaths Dean. Count to three, I hear that works,” you told him sarcastically.

“Shaddap” he exclaimed, before joining Sam at the table and your notes.

“Look guys I’m sorry, I really am. But this hunt? It’s mine. I don’t want your help on this.”

“Why not?” Sam asked a bit calmer, looking up at you, with genuine hurt in his voice. Before they could read any further, to parts you didn’t want them seeing, you pulled your notes out from under their noses. You were grateful they let you, and as you put them on your bed you sighed.

“Because this is the thing that killed my sister,” you said quietly. Dean and Sam fell silent, allowing you the chance to explain.

“I saw a news report in the paper yesterday. Family’s infant daughter and toddler killed in the same way as Y/S/N. It could have been anything but I had to investigate. So once I was settled I went straight to the coroner’s and what I saw confirmed it. It’s the same demon.”

“You never told us how she died,” Sam commented quietly. “I just saw the report from the coroner, the pictures. You didn’t tell us what happened, how you found her. That must have been… Jesus.” He ran his hand through his hair at the thought. He wasn’t wrong, the things this demon did to the children before he killed them was beyond brutal. You’d been hunting as soon as you turned 16 and in all that time you’d never come across anything as close to horrific as what you saw the night your sister died.

“So how do we gank this thing?” Dean asked, considerably more together than he was before and as anxious to finish this as you.

“WE don’t do anything. You go back to the bunker and let me finish this,” you told them firmly. They both scoffed.

“And how exactly do you plan to stop us tagging along?” Sam asked with a smirk and raised eyebrow.

“You may both be freakishly tall and intimidating but…” you started, stopping though once you realised you didn’t know how to finish that sentence. You stood there, staring at them like a fricking goldfish.

“Yes?” Dean asked.

“Yer, I got nothing,” you relented, flopping down on the bed and covering your eyes with your arm.

“S’what I thought,” he replied, grabbing your jacket and handing it out to you.

---------

The drive to the house was mostly spent in silence, with you refusing to give up much more than the basics of how to kill it… a simple incantation. You hadn’t yet checked out the house; a little recon was the next step in your hunt so it made sense to bring them along. This would be the best time to explain everything, you’d decided. Stepping out of the Impala you all admired the house, and as you started moving up the front steps with the guys close behind there was a sudden loud shriek, making you jump. Sam shouted and you felt strong arms grab your shoulders and pull you back just as a nearby flowerpot flew past your head, while all the shutters violently slammed shut. You all stood silently for a moment, before you cleared your throat.

“Well, I guess this is definitely the house,” you said nervously.

“No kidding, that damn tulip nearly took your head off,” Dean barked angrily.

“Can’t wait to get this over with,” you replied quietly.

“Uh … no. Change of plan, you are NOT going in there,” he growled in response.

 “You’re right,” you replied calmly, looking up at the house and refusing to meet his gaze. Now or never, you thought. “There’s no way I’m going in there, not alive anyway”.

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Sam replied, with a growl to challenge his brother’s. You sighed, and finally turned to face them.

“Look, it’s obvious from your scary growls and death glares that you guys won’t like this, but there’s more to the incantation than I told you. The demon is strong and fast; the chant will kill it but…. it has to be said from the Astral plane. And the only way to GET to the Astral plane is-”

“No,” Sam and Dean simultaneously cut you off.

“Guys, I appreciate the concern. But now that you’re here one of us has to do this and it can’t be either of you. You know what Billie said, she is itching to get her claws into you and the second your heart stops beating she’ll make sure it doesn’t restart. I’m not in her bad books, you have a shot to bring me back.”

“OK, let’s for a second pretend you’re right and this is the only way,” said Dean, his arms crossed. “You want us to kill you, so you can go inside as essentially a ghost and do your mumbo-jumbo crap? And then it’s up to us to revive you? Will that even work?” He tilted his head to Sam on the latter question, not entirely sure he’d believe any answer you’d give him at that stage. Sam sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, the other on his hip.

“In theory yes, but you’d only have 4 minutes before we’d have to start CPR. After that you’re looking at brain damage and the high probability that we can’t get you back.”

“That’s great, I’d only need 2.”

“And we won’t know whether you killed it. The second that timer hits 4 minutes we start and when, WHEN, you’re back you don’t do this again. We find another way.”

“Fair enough,” you replied, unable to hide your grin as you saw Sam slowly give into the idea. Dean was always more stubborn than his brother though…

“Woah ok, I gave you a second of pretending this is the only way. Now we go back to “this is stupid and insane and you’re not doing it”” Dean yelled, pointing his finger at you.

“The hell I’m not Dean! We can’t let this thing kill any more kids. And besides, this is my demon, not yours! I’ll kill this bastard with or without your help.”

“Yer about that,” Sam interjected. “How were you planning to do this alone?”

You shrugged, looking at your feet. “I found a serum that stops my heart. Was going to call an ambulance before I drank it, pretending I’m a bystander, get an ETA and time it right for when they got here.”

“And you really think your mom would want to see this demon dead even if it meant killing yourself to do it?” Dean jumped in.

“Then I guess you’d better not let me die then!” you snapped back, and turned on your heels back to the Impala effectively ending the conversation.

With a sigh Sam patted Dean on the back and followed you back to Baby, while Dean kicked a nearby rock in frustration.

----------

2 hours later you were nervously exiting the Impala again, trying to keep a straight face. If the guys knew you were this scared there was no way they’d agree to this, and you needed this to be over if you were ever going to move on. As you looked around you were grateful the house was tucked away from the rest of the town, it was going to make the process a whole lot less complicated. You watched as Sam pulled a red bag from out of the boot, raising a questioning eyebrow. He saw you and shifted nervously.

“It’s an AED. Just in case...” he trailed off, obviously not wishing to consider that outcome, and started walking down the path with Dean by his side.

“Thanks. Um, good to be prepared I guess,” you replied, skipping to catch up with them. “And um, guys? Thanks for this. I know it’s not going to be easy for you either.”

“Yer well, kill this thing and we’ll call it even,” Dean grumbled, stopping Sam and you at a flat grassy area by the front window. Even he couldn’t ignore the threat that loomed over this house, and after several unsuccessful attempts to stop the family coming back here the following day this really did turn out to be the only option.

You stopped at their side and watched Sam pull a vial from his pocket.

“That’s it then?” you asked, you voice quivering slightly. If they noticed, they had the decency not to say anything.

Dean rolled his eyes. “No, we thought a shot of tequila would calm our nerves,” he replied sarcastically.

“While you’re not wrong,” Sam said, glaring pointedly at Dean, “yes, this is the serum. Your heart will stop pretty much instantly.”

You reached out with a shaky hand, nodding and mouthing thank you.

“I can’t stress enough how much you don’t have to do this,” Sam said, lifting the vial slightly out of your reach.

“I know. But I need to,” you replied, holding out your hand. “I’m fricking dying, there’s no way I’m not nervous or scared about that. But I can’t let this thing kill another kid, I just can’t.” Your voice broke on the last word, and the guys knew your thoughts had drifted to your baby sister. Her death alone had destroyed your mom, and your dad’s suicide only 2 weeks after sent her spiralling into insanity. You hadn’t let on to anyone that she had gone mad, so you spent your childhood caring for her while trying to get an education. She died when you were 16 from a stroke, and as sad as that was it freed you up to do what you want to do… kill the thing that took away your life.

With a shuddering breath you took the vial and held it to your chin. You took one final look at the guys, eyes tearing up before offering them an encouraging smile. “See you on the other side,” you commented, before swigging the liquid.

-------

“Did that even work?” you asked, looking down at your hands. You had expected it to hurt a little, or to at least to get a bit dizzy. But here you were, standing tall and healthy like nothing was wrong. You raised your head and were surprised to see Sam and Dean on the ground, hovering over something. You swallowed hard and leaned over to get a better look, and while it shouldn’t have been surprising you couldn’t help but gasp as you stared at your own lifeless body.

As soon as you swallowed the vial you dropped like a stone, and Sam quickly caught you and lowered you gently to the ground. Dean felt for a pulse just to be sure, and shook his head slightly to Sam as confirmation. He hit the stopwatch he’d brought along, and kneeled by your body alongside Sam. Neither spoke… what was there to say? All they could do was wait.

“Right, so, that worked” you said to yourself. You heard a shriek and turned back to the house, suddenly remembering you were on the clock, and raced up the stairs. Another heavy flowerpot flew past your head and you laughed as it went straight through. “Damn straight asshole. Try what you like, you are MINE.”

You glided through the door with ease, hoping to see some sign of the demon right away. Was it too much to ask for it to just be sitting on the stairs waiting for you? “Why is it never easy?” you asked yourself glumly. Going on instinct, you headed up the stairs to where the children’s nursery was. Photo frames on the walls shattered as you passed, and flying glass aimed itself at your face, but you paid no mind as it passed through you as you ran toward your destination. You were so focused you didn’t hear the loud thumps coming from outside.

Another flower pot flew across the front steps, smashing on the sidewalk on the other side.

“Guess we know where Y/N is,” Dean commented glumly.

He looked back down at your still body, not liking how pale your skin had already become. He held onto the stopwatch like a lifeline… the second that thing hit 2 minutes he was starting, he didn’t care what Sam said. YOU said 2 minutes was all you needed so he was going to hold you to that. He glanced at Sam, who was holding your hand in his and staring intently at it rather than your face. He reached over and patted his back comfortingly, to which Sam looked up and smiled slightly. Neither wanted to be in this situation, but they were both glad you weren’t doing it alone like you originally planned.

It all happened too fast to avoid. They heard a low chuckle, and before either could comment they suddenly found themselves being flung back from your body. Sam watched in alarm as Dean hit the side of the house, slumping into an unmoving heap in the flowerbed. Sam himself rolled back and managed to narrowly avoid hitting a nearby tree.

“Dean!” he cried out, hoping to stir his brother awake. He jumped up and ran for your lifeless body, hoping to grab you and get you to the car. He had no idea if the demon was tied to the property line but he didn’t have a chance to find out before he was once again flung into the air, this time into the side of the house also. He too slumped to the ground, unconscious next to his brother. The stopwatch lay on the ground beside you; cracked, broken and useless.

Activity from the demon had strangely stopped as you entered the nursery. It was an eerie feeling, knowing that only a couple of days ago an infant and her 3 year old brother had been torn apart in this room. The walls were still covered in spatters of blood and you knew if you’d been in your body you would have thrown up. “Benefits of being a ghost” you commented, cautiously looking around.

You nearly fell back when the demon appeared in front of you, shrieking so loud you’d have certainly gone deaf if your ears were attached to you at that moment. You stood still, watching it with curiosity, before it stopped to also stare at you. It seemed confused, and angry. It threw its hand out but it only went through your stomach, causing you to laugh.

“Sorry buddy, can’t catch me this time,” you said with a wry smile.

The demon’s face twisted in anger and the windows of the room imploded, glass flying in all directions. The demon was a blur as it to-ed and fro-ed around the room, trying to make contact with you to no avail; if you had been in your body you would have been flung around like a ragdoll and dead in seconds. You decided that it was time to start the incantation, before it realised what was happening and disappeared. You started and it cried out in pain, and as you spoke louder and with more force your confidence grew. As you spoke the final words the demon began to break, red light shining through each crack in its form before it shattered, the pieces dissipating into dust as they hit the ground.

Silence fell again and you smiled broadly, relief washing over you. You practically bounded down the stairs and jumped through the front door, only to be met with the alarming image of Sam and Dean slumped motionless in the flowerbed.

“Well shit,” you said deadpan, before running up to them. “Sam! Dean! Wake the hell up!”

You glanced around and if your heart was pounding it would have stopped at the sight of the broken stopwatch laying on the ground.

“Fucking demon!” you screamed, turning back to Sam and trying to slap his face. Useless of course, as your hand went straight through, and you cried in frustration before levelling your face with his.

“Sam! Wake up! Help me!”

Sam swore he heard your voice, and groaned as he tried to sit up. He held his hand to his head, trying to remember the events the lead to this before it all came crashing down on him like a tonne of bricks. Y/N. Dead. On the ground 5 feet in front of him.

“Fuck! Dean!” he cried, punching his brother’s shoulder to try and rouse him. Dean groaned, and Sam was confident enough he was waking to leave his side and run to yours. He took the stopwatch from the ground by your feet, and threw it across the yard when he noticed it was broken. He wondered to himself how long they’d been out, panicked at the thought.

Wasting no time he leaned over you and put his hands on your chest, starting compressions. He didn’t know if the demon was dead, and he didn’t give a rats ass at that moment. All that mattered was getting you back. You could bitch slap him all you wanted if he was too early, he was ok with that. He was too busy counting his compressions to hear Dean come up behind him, and only noticed his presence when he leaned over your head to lift your chin.

“How long?” Dean asked.

Sam didn’t respond at first, too focused on keeping his rhythm. But when he did Dean’s blood ran cold. “Don’t know, knocked us both out. Damn demon smashed the stopwatch.”

His eyes widened in panic and he poised himself, ready to give a breath. Sam reached 30 and Dean sealed his lips with yours and breathed into your mouth twice, grateful to see the rise and fall of your chest as he did so. When you didn’t take a breath of your own Sam continued compressions, much to his annoyance.

“Cummon Y/N, take a damn breath,” Sam muttered. Dean held your chin up with one hand and held his other over your pulse, feeling a flutter only as Sam animated your heart on your behalf. 30 again and Dean gave you another 2 breaths, praying that this time you’d start on your own. Nothing.

“Christ sake Y/N, do some of the work would ya?” Dean growled as Sam continued to press down hard on your chest, your stomach rising with each compression he made. He felt a crack and winced, knowing he’d broken rib or two. Dean wasted no more time in grabbing the AED from the ground next to Sam’s feet, and began preparing it.

“One more chance,” Sam puffed. “Give her one more chance.”

Dean nodded, as reluctant to shock you as Sam was, and took his place once again by your head.

“Breathe” he was instructed, and he leaned over to do so. Both men stopped to watch your chest fall, praying for it to rise on its own.

-----------

You gasped, taking in a deep breath which hurt more than anything you think you’d ever experienced. You coughed hard, and felt your body being turned to its side which graciously seemed to help. You faintly heard talking in the background, but only made out a few swear words and comments about “Jesus Christ” for some reason.

“What-” you tried to start, but you couldn’t get a word in edgewise before another cough wracked your body.

“Don’t talk sweetheart, just breathe,” Dean told you with a shaky voice, running his hand through your hair.

You listened to what he said, and paid attention to your breathing to try and get it under control. In, out, in, out. All the while Sam and Dean remained silent, obviously trying to calm themselves down as well. Eventually you felt like you’d gotten yourself under control, and moved your arm to try and sit up.

“Whoa, hang on, take it easy,” Sam told you, taking your arm and gently lifting you to a sitting position. Dean sat behind you and you rested against his chest, holding his hand which sat in your lap.

“You doing ok?” Dean asked.

“Yer I think so,” you replied, your voice gravelly. “I killed it.”

Both men sighed and hung their head in relief. You rubbed your tender chest, which didn’t escape Sam’s attention.

“We’d better get your ribs seen to,” he commented quietly, voice thick with guilt which you definitely picked up on.

“Dude, you saved my life. Don’t feel bad about a few broken bones. And you,” you continued, pointing to Dean. “When was the last time you picked up a toothbrush? Seriously, I think I can taste the burrito you had two days ago!” You laughed gently and they smiled in response, the weight that had been on their shoulders noticeably less than before.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” Dean replied, and you nodded in agreement.

The guys helped to gently lift you up and into the backseat of the Impala, and you watched the house slowly disappear as you began to drive away.

“So Y/N. How does it feel? Knowing it’s all over,” Dean asked you. You continued to stare out the window, and from the rear view mirror he watched as a faint smile crept over your face.