#identity problems

Danny, a master of miscommunication, has somehow convinced the entire Justice League and Young Justice that he is four separate people; Phantom, the hero, Danny, the cafe owner who treats injuries with no questions asked, The Ghost Prince, a scary individual that beat pariah dark and is known to be extremely powerful, and Mr. Nightingale, the only mechanic who can keep up with both Red Robin and Cyborg.

I cannot picture myself with another person romantically. The idea of spending years of my life in the company of a single other person fills me with dread, and there's been no mental pathway I can draw where that isn't the end result. I cannot fathom the idea of loving someone so much that I would be willing to sacrifice privacy, personal space, and solitude much less all those storybook ideas like "finding someone who's the missing piece of myself". The only "romantic" idea I can come up with is someone I enjoy in small doses who leaves me alone the rest of the time, which kinda makes me sound like a selfish douche but that's all I've got.

The reason I post this here is because I hate that every resource I see about aromanticism bundles it with asexuality, which I am decidedly not - and it's frankly exhausting to try and feel out this concept I'm grappling with when every resource expects me to also be disinterested or unenthused by the idea of horny. Not to mention the endless Quirkifying of the entire sphere around it like I should be expected to want garlic bread and cuddles instead of a blowjob, or I should be some detached cool guy with really engaging hobbies.

so how about everybody season their ability to relate with a little more grace (meaning room for error) and I promise you’ll enjoy things way way more.

I genuinely believe that my parents don’t understand what happened to me and how it shaped who I am now …

My own twin brother…. The one I looked up too , who was once my best friend, the closest person to me in the world……..abused me ….

Every time he did it he took another part of me , shattered another part of my very soul .

He turned my own body into a weapon against me , made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe in myself

He made me feel inhuman…. Like I was nothing but an object . He made me feel me gross and filthy… like there was something inherently wrong with my body

He broke my sense of safety and trust…. I don’t feel safe in the world anymore … he made me feel completely alone ….

He betrayed me … he utterly betrayed, used and ruined me

I built defensive walls to block out the pain and hurt of what happened to me ……

My own identity and the way I see myself now is a defense mechanism …. A way to avoid the the feelings of feeling filthy and tainted

I can’t unlink my identity from my trauma because really there was no ‘me ‘ before the trauma happened….

I honestly can’t explain all the damage he did to me ….. it’s complicated and complex

I don’t really like talking about my identity knowing that it’s linked to something so devastating……. I wish I could’ve had the chance to discover my gender identity, sexuality and alter humanity without that horrible thing ….. I wish it wasn’t just a defense mechanism… I wish I could feel safe in my biological gender and body