#iamderekhale

You are pretty... dandy (sometimes)

And smol, but cool (sometimes)

Thank you, Sorry, Forgive me

@iamderekhale LOOK, PRECIOUS NONNIE HERE HAS ACCESS TO OUR SOULS. 

But, can I get emotional here? What if Derek was always really warm, as werewolves should be, right up until the fire? That, when fire happened, he suddenly became very cold? And not in a supernatural sense, but psychologically, like all his warmth burned with his family, a constant reminder of what he did, what is his fault. 

And those first few weeks after the fire he feels like he’s going to freeze to death. Laura tries to ask what is wrong but Derek knows. He doesn’t know how he knows but he knows the reason and he can’ t tell her. He can never tell her what he did because then...then she’ll stop loving him and that may be selfish, but he can’t lose his sister. Not now. Not ever. He can’t bear the thought, even though it just makes him feel colder and worse at the same time. 

When Laura dies, he starts running. Running from the cops, running to keep warm, back and forth back and forth. He feels lost and scared and spends most nights in the Preserve, running, instead of sleeping. 

The first time Stiles finds Derek with a blanket wrapped around him he thinks he’s sick. It takes Derek ages to convince Stiles he’s not lying, that he just gets cold. But Derek knows Derek by this point, okay? He knows there is something up. But he doesn’t look like he’s about to die so Stiles leaves it alone for now, instead just doing everything he can to keep Derek warm which includes naked cuddling. (”You really don’t have to do this, Stiles.” “Don’t you like my cuddles Derek?” “That’s not the point Stiles.” “But do you?” “Yes. “Well, shut up and let me keep my boo warm then. “”I regret ever dating you.”)

But also think about when Derek finally feels ready to tell Stiles about why he is always cold. Think about Stiles listening and holding Derek’s hand, telling him it’s okay. Think about Stiles knowing there isn’t anything he can do to take the guilt away- he more than anyone else in the pack knows about guilt- but he knows he can remind Derek how amazing he is. Can remind him what an asset he is to this pack, what an incredible boyfriend he is, what a good beta. During sex and out of sex he makes sure just to let Derek know, just know, he is loved and cherished. 

And over the years, Derek never loses the cold feeling completely but it does get better. By the time they start a family Derek doesn’t shiver on the nights he has nightmares like he used to. When Stiles holds him he no longer feels like he is leeching on his warmth, but can just enjoy the feeling of being wrapped up in Stiles’ arms.