#i cannot.

"You come here often."

and for ilya up until this point shane just seemed like this scary but also boring monotone asshole who has no emotions or weaknesses - like this total like prim and proper killer ice queen. except suddenly sex and seduction stuff comes up and suddenly shane's like blushing and stammering his big brown eyes are all like shiny and clueless and he confesses that like he's maybe had sex with like. two people. and both times it wasn't particularly great. it was like okay. so like he doesn't know why or how doing something that's only just okay gets them government secrets.

and now ilya's all smirking and bravado because now they are on his turf right. and he's like oh. well i can show you. and he like telling shane everything he does to seduce a target while he's getting really close to shane and touching him and stuff.

and let me stress again that ilya has seen shane pop a rando for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time or complete garrote someone's throat with like chicken wire and now this ice cold killer is just like backed against the wall and is all open and vulnerable pliant for him.

but of course right when things are going to get too heated ilya backs off. before you know. they cross a line.

except shane then is like. well. i think you should uh. help me practice. so i can get better at it. for the mission of course.

and ilya's like oh. okay. of course. and they have sex. again. and again. and again "for practice." except of course ilya never lets shane test his "training" out on the field. and the second shane tries to ilya just swoops in and just makes up an excuse like "it's just easier if i do it" or like "you're not ready" etc. etc. and ilya just keeps sleeping with targets just so he wouldn't have to watch shane do it, and it's complciated because ilya doesn't know why the idea of seeing shane sleep with other people makes up him so upset. meanwhile shane is watching ilya sleep with just like person after person and is also getting unreasonably upset, and doesn't know why.

and anyway they keep having sex for "practice" until one day they actually almost die because of some really fucked up mission and they are actually skidding down the road barely escaped by the skin of their teeth and the car ride is COMPLETELY silent the entire ride back until ilya kills the engine. and he turns to shane. and without saying a word they both like leap at each other and are actually tearing each other's clothes off and they have this like crazy "i can't believe we almost died" sex right in the car. and that's the first time they sleep together not under the pretense of "practice."

i just finished episode four (i think) of life is strange 2

i am unwell

please redirect all further correspondence to me when i’m no longer unwell

unrelated but i need to kiss finn mcnamara on the mouth