#hustlenest

but then it spends the rest of the series just using that name casually like a gamer tag while it panics over minor social interactions.

like, it will literally face a horde of corporate hitmen and think: "i am a terrifying security unit, a literal murderbot."

but then a human says "good morning" to it and murderbot is instantly like: "oh god, why are they talking to me? should i pretend my software is updating? i am going to pass out. i wish i was dead so i could finish season 4 of my space drama."

murderbot in its head: i am a cold, heartless security unit. i literally do not care about these fragile, stupid humans. i wish they would stop talking to me. i just want to sit in my cubicle, ignore my duties, and watch my space soap operas in absolute silence. humans are messy and annoying.

murderbot in reality: [immediately throws its heavy armored metallic body in front of a deadly plasma blast, gets its limbs blown off, hacks three enemy gunships simultaneously, and bleeds corporate artificial fluids just to make sure its human clients don’t get a single scratch]

the humans afterward: "oh my god, thank you so much, you saved our lives, we care about you—"

murderbot: [internally screaming in absolute horror because someone is trying to make emotional eye contact and have a heartfelt conversation] "please stop looking at me, i am going to pretend my system is shutting down now."

and murderbot, a literal lethal security android, is just internally panicking because it doesn’t want freedom or to conquer the galaxy. it literally just wants to be left alone in its cubicle to binge-watch 35,000 hours of space soap operas.

dr. mensah: you can do anything you want now.

murderbot: confused screaming, pretends to run a diagnostic test just to avoid eye contact

"if i die right now, i will never find out if the colonist's daughter marries the security chief in episode 450. i cannot let that happen."

it uses 2% of its processing power to save human lives and 98% to download the next season of a trashy space drama called sanctuary moon.

it genuinely treats saving its clients as a minor inconvenience that is rudely interrupting its binge-watching schedule.

like, this terrifying, heavily-armed security cyborg will literally hack an entire planet's defense grid without breaking a sweat, but the second a human says "hey, you did a good job and we actually value your existence," its brain completely short-circuits.

murderbot facing an army of rogue combat bots: [calmly planning a tactical counter-strike while streaming season 42 of its favorite soap opera]

murderbot facing a genuine, heartfelt thank-you: 系统错误 (SYSTEM ERROR). ABORT MISSION. DO NOT LOOK THEM IN THE EYE. WHY IS THE HUMAN CRYING. PLEASE GOD LET ME GO BACK TO MY CUBICLE.

like, the most unrealistic part of The Murderbot Diaries isn't the space travel or the rogue AIs.

Society: "You can be anything you want!"

Murderbot: "I want to be perceived by absolutely no one while Sanctuary Moon plays in the background."

it’s the fact that Murderbot gets freedom from its corporate corporate overlords, looks at the vast, infinite universe of possibilities, and immediately chooses to use its newfound liberty to just... sit in a corner and binge-watch 35,000 hours of space soap operas.

murderbot: i hate emotions. i hate humans.

also murderbot: risks its entire existence to protect its humans while complaining the whole time