Can I just say the straight line style polycule that is Hu Tao x Furina x Neuvillette x Zhongli never stops being top tier comedy to me and it feels like no one talks about it.
Like, come on guys, it's got everything you could possibly ask for!
Newly mortal girl finally getting to live her own life after centuries of playing a role meets super chill and supportive funeral parlor director who can ease any worries she may have about death as a concept and also play pranks on her, drag her fun places, and help her make up with her long term situationship Dragon Sovereign who is deeply devoted to making her happy.
Honestly this is already fantastic; Neuvillette gets Gremlin (beloved) and Gremlin (mischievous) in his life! He brings Furina flowers after her performances and has a collection of autographed photos from each in his room. Hu Tao comes by to hang out in his office and bother him about marketing her funeral parlor, and he has to explain advertisement laws in Fontaine and how several of her ideas would get her arrested and that this would make Lady Furina quite upset. She teases him for "being a simp" and it slides off him like water.
Furina has a collection of pressed flowers from each of Neuvillete's bouquets in her room. Hu Tao taught her how to press and preserve flowers after her sopping wet meowmeow of a girlfriend cried in her arms about that first bouquet starting to wither.
Hu Tao drags both of them into playing TCG with her any time she can, and is always putting in word with local and visiting theater troupes about her girlfriend's acting talent and excellent director services. She loves seeing Furina squeal at the sight of a ghost, but usually shoos them away unless she's trying to spook her on purpose. Sometimes she runs her poetry by Neuvillette before going to recite it to Furina because she finds he has a good eye for it, and sometimes is able to convince him to put his own feelings into words through poetry as well.
Fontaine is full of tabloids arguing about who Fontaine's superstar is Actually Dating, and no one is certain! She is seen on the beach walking hand in hand with the Iudex merely two days after having publicly ordering the couple's special at a renowned coffeeshop with a strange Liyue girl. She has not denied dating either of them, nor has there been any indication of a breakup??? The two suitors have been spotted out purchasing her favorite sweets together, so they don't appear to be on bad terms??? The papers have no idea what to do with this and it is hilarious.
And then Zhongli enters the picture. Mysteriously absent any time Neuvillette comes by with Furina, but always there to chat and provide wild trivia when it's just the girls hanging out. And the girls have caught on. Hu Tao has a pretty good idea of what's up, but Furina?
Furina convenes with her girlfriend and is like "I think that employee of yours, Mr. Zhongli, might have a thing for Neuvillette? I've seen many dramas in my lifetime, but this is still the most obvious crush I've seen in centuries. Any time I mention Neuvillette he gets stiff as a board, turns seven different colors, and starts avoiding eye contact like the plague! It's like he thinks someone is going to bite his head off if he so much as thinks about the man! A shame too, they seem like they'd get along so well..."
Hu Tao, fighting for her life to not fall into fits of laughter: "We should set them up on a date"
Furina gets super excited about it! This is just like in one of her favorite plays!! Hu Tao adds fuel to the fire by teasing Zhongli about his "crush" in front of Furina one time, and he politely denies having any such thoughts about the reputable and honorable Iudex. Furina just becomes further convinced she's correctly judged the situation. Hu Tao knows exactly what she is doing and is reveling in the situation she is putting her consultant into.
Furina has all the details meticulously planned out, she is vibrating with excitement to matchmake her partner with someone so well suited for him. Hu Tao helps her find a suitable location in Chenyu, (near Fontaine, excellent tea, the perfect place to set a trap- sorry, date) They talk to the staff and the staff is excited to help.
Neuvillette keeps hearing from Furina about this charming man he simply must meet and how "he's exactly your type" and "is totally crushing on you" and he's a little nervous, but agrees to try and attend this blind date because he trusts Lady Furina's judgement, and he can't deny he IS curious to meet someone who can allegedly distinguish where an ore comes from on sight and taste minute differences in the mineral concentration of the tea water the way Furina claims this man can. Neuvillette arrives to the teahouse knowing only that he is going on a date with someone who is "secretly harboring feeling for him".
As for Zhongli? He knows something is up, but can't quite tell What exactly Director Hu is planning. When he's given some pocket money and told to attend a very important meeting in her stead at the teahouse, he goes, if only out of curiosity. (And of course, who would miss out on such quality tea?)
When the Iudex of Fontaine walks in and zeroes in on him and his table with slitted eyes, Zhongli seriously considers whether or not he can get away with faking his own death a second time on such short notice.
The answer of course is No, but he discovers he doesn't Have To, at least not yet. The Hydro Dragon Sovereign power walks up to the table, looking to be on the verge of attempting to drag Morax back to Fontaine for judgement by the scruff of his neck if necessary, but then seems to pause to properly look at the other man and consider the spread of tea and appetizers peacefully sitting in front of him. He throws a glance around the room, catching the interested looks the staff is poorly hiding, then catches and holds Zhongli's gaze as if searching for something in it. Celestia only knows what he's trying to decipher, and Zhongli can only clench his teacup and pray that whatever he finds is enough to convince him to let this go for the moment. He can feel the heat climbing up the back of his neck, his tie feeling a bit too tight for comfort, but he swallows down the nerves and tries for a pacifying smile.
(He's pretty sure it comes out a bit more tense than intended)
((He's also pretty sure the Hydro Dragon Sovereign can hear the pounding of the blood rushing in his veins, probably even sense the sweat building up under his collar))
(((The way his eyes flicked to watch his throat as he swallowed gives the impression of a creature considering the ease with which that throat can be torn out with its teeth)))
"You've come all this way; would you care to try the tea, Monsieur Neuvillette? It is a local specialty of this region, meticulously hand picked and dried using traditional methods passed down for generations. I am quite confident you may find it to your liking, though the local water is also quite distinctive, and I'm sure we can get you a glass if that is what you prefer. Had I known to expect your presence I would have requested one already," He keeps his speech calm and measured, even as his heart tries to climb out of his chest from the tension. No need to worry. If it comes down to it, he's has seen his fair share of war and battle. He can take him. Or at least could have taken him... a fully fledged Dragon Sovereign is a battle he would much rather simply not engage in. There is wisdom, after all, in not picking fights where mediation and contractual obligation can suffice. And social contract is as much a form of contract as any other. Surely the esteemed Iudex understands this...
Neuvillette relieves Zhongli of his intense stare and sits down without so much as a threat. The tension leaks out of Zhongli's posture ever so slightly as Neuvillette picks up the cup of freshly brewed tea that had been presented to him. Seems whatever he found sufficed to stay his hand for now.
Neuvillette is too busy reeling, trying to come to terms with the notion that an Usurper he is determined to judge for his sins has apparently developed some kind of romantic interest in him. He will still be judged, of course, it is only right. But... that doesn't mean that such tender feelings must be cruelly rejected without even having been given a chance. Furina believes in this man's suitability, after all, whether she knows his archon nature or not. And he would be remiss to overlook her opinion. She had always held deep insights into people's natures that Neuvillette himself never could quite grasp as thoroughly. Her incredible humanity and understanding is something he values dearly, and she was technically an Archon herself at one point after all, and yet, he loves her all the same. The cup wafts with a pleasant warmth and the taste of tea infused mountain spring water lingers on his tongue, as gold eyes observe him attentively, looking for his reaction. Yes, it is only fair. He will make an honest attempt to view this man before him as more than just an Usurper, and judge his eligibility as a romantic partner as a separate case.
For the entire rest of the "date" Zhongli is stressed, making conversation like his life depends on it, throwing in some flattering comments here and there to feed the air of polite goodwill he's trying to foster, and trying his best to read Neuvillette, who remains remarkably inscrutable. In the meantime, Neuvillette is just politely allowing himself to be rizzed up.
Neuvillette goes home pleasantly surprised by the experience.
Neuvillette: "You were quite right about him Lady Furina, Mr. Zhongli is indeed a terribly charming and intelligent man with refined tastes and a dignified manner. I'm afraid you have accurately predicted that I could indeed become quite fond of him. A shame I will have to judge him someday, but as you've experienced, I do not allow myself to be biased in formally judging individuals I have feelings for. Nevertheless, it really is quite insightful of you to have me get to know the Geo Archon outside of a courtroom setting."
Furina: "...............the who"
Zhongli is dragging himself home worn out from the encounter, feeling his age in his bones and wanting nothing more than to lie down and not think about the Next Time he was assured he would be contacted about.
Hu Tao, standing at the door, grinning: "soooooooo.... how was your hot date with the Iudex?"
Zhongli: "...............my what"
Hu Tao: "Ayah~ Surely you realized it was a date? Furina has been so excited to set this up for you since you seemed like you were going to avoid it forever! She told her boyfriend aaaaall about your little crush on him and told him to give you a shot! Surely you didn't fumble him that bad?"
Zhongli, suddenly reevaluating every single thing that happened during dinner in a brand new light: "I am not sure what the best term to describe what occurred is, but he did ask to see me again."
Hu Tao: "My my, who knew my consultant could be such a rizzler! A bet lost/ A prize won/ A love found/ A heart surrendered!"
Zhongli: ".....You bet against me?"
Hu Tao smoothly avoids answering that by handing him some paperwork, leaving some instructions and skipping off to go about her business.
