She continued to fight with the surviving commandos until the end of the war, where she was heavily decorated amongst her peers. Retiring from the forces, she moved back to Brooklyn, only 5 minutes away from Rebecca Barnes and her new husband. 3 months after retiring from the service she was found dead in her apartment from a gunshot to the head, self inflicted. 

Steve felt sick. Utterly, utterly sick. He had left you alone, and without him or Bucky there to help you, you had crumbled. Shoving the folder away from him, he stumbled to his feet, dashing out of his room and towards the common room kitchen to get some water. 

He ignored a few worried calls as he walked through the corridors, his mind reeling with the imaginative horrors of your death, conjuring up images of your limp body sprawled lifelessly on the floor -  

The thought made him heave, tears gathering in his eyes as he clumsily took a cup from the cupboard and began to fill it up, his usually steadfast hands shaking life a leaf as memories of his youth filled his head.

“I didn't see you here yesterday, you’re always sat here sketching at 4. Were you okay?”

Steve looked up at you in shock, sketching pad lying on his legs as he tried to formulate a sentence.

“Wha - yeah. My asthma was bad is all, ma didn't want me leaving the house. Um - I’m Steve”

“Y/N” you greeted cheerfully, seating yourself next to him on the bench, “I think we’re going to be great friends”

“Steve! Wait up!” you called, running down the street, madly weaving through the throngs of people that lined the Brooklyn streets. Steve had known you for years now, Bucky instantly accepting you into the fold.

Steve watched you approach with a grin, leant against the wall with his hands tucked in his pockets to keep out of the way of the morning rush. 

“I thought you had ditched me” he teased, elbowing you lightly in the side, “was waiting for 20 minutes doll”

You ducked your head slightly, your hair falling in your face as you laughed, “I would never Steve - you know that”

With a small nod, he offered you his arm, the two of you walking towards the theatre.

“Is Buck coming?”

“Shouldn’t you know that?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

You blanched, a blush creeping up your cheeks, “I don't have a clue what you’re talking about”

He snorted, falling next to you in line at the ticket booth with a relaxed smile.

“Yeah, because you didn't fall hopelessly in love with him when we were 7″

You punched his arm lightly, stumbling over words as you tried to defend yourself.

“He’ll ask you out any day doll, I’m sure of it”

“Steve! Help me!”

He turned around to see Bucky close in on you, tackling you to the ground before he began tickling your sides.

“Make him stop - ow! James! I’ll get you for this I swear!”

“Nah, you love me too much to hurt me babydoll” Bucky smirked, his eyes shining with admiration as he stared down at your scowling face.

Steve sniggered as he watched you turn beet red, immediately wiggling out from underneath the taller man and making a rushed excuse to leave.

“What was that?”

“You called her babydoll again” Steve smirked, crossing his arms triumphantly, “Just admit it, you like her”

“I don't know what you’re talking about punk”

“Jerk”

“It’s in Europe, they say we might have to join” you said in a low voice, squished between Bucky and Steve in a booth, a shared smoothie sat on the table.

“Someone’s got to stop the Nazis - I think we should help” Steve explained with a small shrug. “They’re bullies, they need to be stopped”

“What do you think Buck?”

“Huh - what? Sorry doll I wasn’t listening”

You sighed, narrowing your eyes at Dot who had been flirting with him from across the diner.

“Just go sit with her if she’s that bloody interesting”

“If that’s alright with you?”

You huffed moodily, Steve answering for the both of you, a scowl forming on your face as you watched him flirt.

“He’s nothing but a skirtchaser” you huffed, taking an angry sip of milkshake, “Just admit it Steve, he sees me as a sister. I’ve known him too long”

“Trust me, he doesn’t look at you like he looks at Becca. He’s just being an idiot right now” Steve said, consoling you, “Besides, they never last more than a week, you’ve got to realise there’s a reason for that”

“I’ll believe it when I see it Rogers”

“Buck you cant go” you cried into his chest, hands fisted into the material of his jacket.

“I’m sorry doll, but you know I have to. I’ll come home, I promise” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your hairline as he pulled away, moving to give Steve a hug.

“Look after her while I’m gone Steve, I mean it”

“You know I will”

“And don't do anything stupid”

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you” Steve smiled sadly, moving to hold your hand as you waved Bucky off.

As soon as he was out of sight you buried your head in Steve’s shoulder, letting out broken sobs as he held you tightly.

“I didn’t tell him Steve”

“I know”

“What do you mean you’re leaving? You’re being deployed?”

“Yes, well I -” You cut him off with a hug, knowing how much he wanted to get in to the army, until the reality came crashing down.

“What am I supposed to do? What about your asthma? Your pains? I - I should join the nurses, see if I can go with you. You’ll - you’ll need someone who knows how to help you”

“Y/N no, I promised Buck -”

“You cant leave me here alone Steve, I cant be in Brooklyn alone”

“Who are - wait - Steven?”

“It's me”

“But you’re massive! What happened to you!”

“I joined the army” he chuckled, a sad tinge to his voice

“Why’re you sad?”

“They’re not deploying me. They have me on a dance troupe instead, something about selling bonds”

You pulled him into a hug, withholding a sigh of relief, “Well, I guess I’ve found my new job, eh?”

You snuck off stage with Steve, ignoring the cheers of the soldiers as you consoled him, smiling at Peggy as she approached.

“Tough crowd? That audience contains what was left of the 107th -”

“Wait, the 107th?” 

Steve was up in a flash, you and Peggy following close behind.

“Sir I just need to know one name, Sargent James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th, please”

“I’ve written more of those letters than I’d care to admit today - I’m sorry but the name does sound familiar”

You choked down a sob as Steve asked what the plan was to save the POWs, your hand absentmindedly clutching his as you tried to ground yourself.

“I cant believe I let you come” Steve breathed exasperatedly, watching as you put your show helmet back on, a determined look in your eye.

“Hey, I’ve been training her, she’s pretty good” Peggy smiled, handing you a pistol and holster, as well as a stolen machine gun.

The plane leered to the side slightly, Howard shouting apologies from the front.

“I’ll have you know I beat your accuracy on the shooting range, Rogers” you teased, attaching the thigh holster as you steadied your breathing, getting ready to drop into enemy territory.

You fought brutally, following Steve’s every move as you made your way through the hydra base.

“What do you need me to do?”

“Get the prisoners out, I’ll carry on looking for Bucky”

“Are you sure -”

“If he sees you here you know he’s just going to act tough, we need to move quickly”

You snorted in agreement, taking the cell keys and splitting off from him, shooting down the last few guards before entering the room.

“Who are you?” 

“Here to save your asses”

“I asked you to keep her safe!”

“I did! She’s fine isn't she?”

“She is standing right here! And yes, I’m joining and there’s nothing you can do about it, okay?”

“Doll, I just don't think -” “Bucky if the dame wants to come along, let her come” Dum Dum interrupted, “She saved us back then and she seems capable enough”

You smiled smugly, raising your eyebrow at Bucky as Steve watched on in amusement.

“You’re not gonna back down from this are you? God my ma’s gonna kill me”

You cheered at his acceptance, pulling both Bucky and Steve into a hug.

“The three musketeers back together again”

“I wish it was under better circumstances”

“don't we all”

“Bucky I’m fine! It was the right move, if I hadn't have gone in there then the turret might have taken Gabe and Pinky out!”

“You almost got shot!”

“We’re always almost getting shot!”

“But normally I have eyes on you - I can look out for you” “I don't need you to babysit me James! I can do it!” “Well I cant! I lost eyesight on you and you weren’t answering me doll - I - you can’t do that -“

“You don’t seem that bothered when the others leave your sight! You’re being hypocritical Bucky -“

“I LOVE YOU GODDAMNIT”

Everything went quiet, a shocked gasp escaping your lips at the epiphany.

The men cleared their throats awkwardly, the two of your voices carrying back to the camp. Steve, however, sat back in his seat happily, glad that his friend had finally taken the leap. 

Everyone was sat quietly as Jaques fiddled with the radio, trying to hack into the Russian network.

Steve was sat opposite the two of you, watching as you had a hushed conversation. You were sat in between Bucky’s legs, your back leant against his chest. You tilted your head upwards to talk to him, small giggles escaping your lips as he pressed light kisses all over your face.

The rare peaceful moment was cut short as the channel took hold, harsh Russian cutting through the cold air, bringing with it the beginnings of the next mission.

“What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that we were cornered and I needed to get into the control room!”

“Jesus babydoll, are you trying to give me a heart attack”

“I can handle myself Buck! How many times do I need to prove myself before you realise that? I can fight my own fucking battles”

Bucky cut you off with a growl, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder, muttering something about your dirty mouth.

“We’ll be back in a bit Steve”

“Try and keep it down this time” Steve teased, earning a shocked curse from you as you began to scold him.

“Steven Grant Rogers, how very dare you -”

“Stevie you’ll never guess what!”

“Did he do it?”

You turned around to Bucky, a massive grin on your face.

“He knew?”

“Of course he knew, who do ya think helped me pick the ring?”

Delighted, you hugged Steve, thanking him.

“He was getting cold feet, thought it was too soon” Steve teased, “all I had to do was remind him you’ve been in love since you were 14 - he’s been carrying that damn ring around since the last big town”

“I love you big idiots”

Bucky chuckled from behind you, his arms encircling your waist protectively, chin resting on the top of your head.

“Just a few more bases and we can go home” Bucky promised, Steve nodding firmly.

“Just a few more”

You stared blankly at Steve, his words falling on to deaf ears. Blindly, you started towards the edge of the cliff to look at the train track where he had fallen, Steve’s hands preventing you from getting too close.

“He’s not gone. He’s not”

“I’m sorry, I reached for him. He was right there and I-“ Steve’s voice broke off into sobs, your arms mechanically hugging him. You were numb.

“It’s not your fault” you murmured repeatedly, “not your fault”

Only two weeks later, the group had found the main hydra base. Steve had tried talking you out of coming but you needed the revenge, the alcohol not cutting into your grief.

You moved through the base with conviction, unbridled fury coursing through your veins as you cleared corridors of hostiles by yourself, movements brutal and unforgiving.

“He’s on the jet - missiles - I need backup”

You watched as Steve kissed Peggy, a small smirk pulling at your lips, before you continued clearing the way to the control room.

“I’ve got to put her in the water”

“Steve - no. You can’t do that to me, please”

Peggy tried to come up with an alternative route, but Steve was sure it was the only way.

“Y/N I’m so sorry”

As Steve stepped on the platform, one glance at Bucky confirmed what he had to do.

When he had first remembered you, he had cried for hours in Steve’s arms until he eventually worked up the courage to read your folder. He had gone silent for a few minutes before letting out the most heart wrenching sob Steve had ever heard.

He was inconsolable for quite a while afterwards, quite similar to Steve when he had found out, unable to imagine you in a place that dark.

“3, 2, 1”

A hesistant knock sounded at your door, bringing you out of your daydream. You cursed the interruption, reality crashing back down around as you realised you were back in the States and they were gone.

The person knocked again, more firmly this time. You opened it with a fake smile (one you had mastered recently), to be met with a familiar set of broad shoulders.

”Steve?”

Your voice was shaky, your hand reaching out to cup his cheek.

“Oh god I’m going insane aren’t I - you - you died. You’re both dead. Who - why are you doing this? It’s not funny!” You wept, scrambling backwards.

“Y/n-“

You froze at his voice, hands beginning to tremble.

“No, no”

Your crying increased as you pressed your hands to your ears, sliding down the wall until you were hunched over, rocking back and forth slightly.

“You’re dead, you’re dead, you’re dead” you mumbled.

“Y/n I’m here, it’s me. I’m here doll”

Warm arms wrapped around you, pulling you into a comforting embrace, “shhh. Shhhh”

“Is it - is it really you?” You asked, hands clawing at his shirt, “Steve, Steve it’s you?”

“It’s me, I’m here” he said, voice cracking with emotion.

“But - but - the ice. You crashed Steve. You - you - you died! You both died!” You had to pause, choking on tears, “you both left me. I had to come back here alone, you know I didn't want to be in Brooklyn alone”

“I know, and I’m so sorry doll. I’m so sorry. But I came here to take you home, with Buck and I”

“Oh - I did it didn’t I?”

“What?”

“I’m dead”

“No. You’re not dead, but you did-“ his voice broke off, tears falling from his eyes as he tried to finish his sentence, “I know what you’re thinking of doing”

“Oh”

“I’m from the future, there’s no easy way to put it. The ice froze me, kept me alive. I read it in your notes”

“Bucky’s alive in the future too?”

“The fall didn’t kill him”

You gasped, filling in the gaps yourself.

“Oh god, we - we basically handed him to them!”

“But he’s alive, he’. Please let me save you doll - come back with me. I know it will be different but -“

“Yes, please don't leave me again Stevie I cant - not again - I cant”

The blond just nodded in understanding, helping you to your feet.

“Is there anything you need to get?”

You shook your head, your engagement ring still shining on your finger as you grasped the two sets of dog tags around your neck.

Steve tilted his head to the side questioningly.

“Rebecca wanted Bucky’s, I couldn’t say no to her. I got to keep yours though - you can have them back if you want?”

“No need” he smiled, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand, “Let’s go”

You fell to your knees on a metal platform, Steve’s hand still resting on your shoulder.

“Steve what did you do?”

You ignored the unfamiliar voice as you looked up, eyes frantically searching for Bucky.

“Steve -”

You whipped around at the sound of his voice, “Buck”

You launched yourself at him immediately, the two of you crumbling to the ground in a messy embrace. Tears ran steadily down his cheeks as his hands ran over your figure, as if solidifying that you were really in front of him.

“Your hair is so long now” you giggled tearfully, stroking your hands through the silky strands, “and you have a beard!”

He laughed ruefully, searching your face quickly before burying his face back into your neck.

“I missed you babydoll” he whispered into your skin, tightening his arms around your waist, “I’m so sorry for everything”

Frowning, you cut him off, gently moving his face in front of yours and pulling him into a sweet, tender kiss.

“You have nothing to be sorry for James, nothing at all”

He looked down at your intertwined fingers, eyes drawn to the ring.

“You kept it”

“There was never gonna be anyone else Buck -”

“I know”

Averting your eyes from Bucky for a few seconds, you gestured for Steve to join the hug, your family unit complete.

“The three musketeers back together again” Steve smiled, leaning forwards so all three of your foreheads were touching.

“Punk”

“Jerk”

You stood, a little too fast, getting dizzy, and stumbled to the front door, swinging it open excitedly. Bucky and Steve stood in front of you. Bucky looked confused, and you were relieved to realise that Steve had been able to keep it a secret on the way to your apartment.

“Happy birthday James!” you threw your arms around his neck, and pressed a kiss into his smooth cheek.

“Thanks Doll,” he replied with a laugh, arms wrapping around your waist. He picked you up off the ground, your legs dangling, and walked into your apartment, Steve following behind. “Now, will someone please tell me what is going on?”

Steve closed the door, and nodded at you. You nodded back, accidentally digging your chin into Bucky’s shoulder. He grumbled, and put you back down.

“Alright, just give me a moment!” you exclaimed, making your way into your bedroom. The envelope sat on your desk, just waiting to be opened.

You returned to the living room, and found Bucky and Steve sitting at the kitchen table. You took your seat, and then handed Bucky the envelope.

Bucky looked suspiciously between Steve and yourself, and then peeled the envelope open carefully. His mouth fell open when he saw the contents, and then he looked back at you both in disbelief.

“Is this for real?” he asked. You could feel how excited he was.

“Of course,” Steve replied.

“We need to leave soon,” you added.

“Alright, let’s go!” Bucky all but shouted.

Two hours later, you were sitting in between Bucky and Steve as they cheered enthusiastically. You had never been to a baseball game before, and had never really understood the appeal. But sitting here now, feeling the utter joy that radiated off of your boyfriend in glorious waves, all of the coffee that you had skipped, and bookshop visits you had resisted were worth it, and there was nowhere else in the world that you would have preferred spend Bucky’s special day. You knew that Steve felt exactly the same way, as he lost himself in the game, reaching behind you to slap Bucky on the shoulder whenever something exciting happened.

You forced yourself to imagine a bubble around the three of you. The rest of the cheering crowd faded away, and all you could feel was the contagious excitement of your boyfriend, and your best friend. You pushed your anxiety into the background, and attempted to understand what was happening on the pitch.

Putting your hands in your pockets, you felt the envelope. You had been allowed to keep the tickets, and you had placed them back inside for safe keeping. They would serve as a physical reminder of the day you celebrated Bucky’s birthday for the first time.

Bucky put an arm around your shoulders, and you looked at him to see him looking intently at you. You smiled at him, and he reached in to kiss you on the cheek. Then you felt his lips at your ear.

“Thank you (Y/N).”

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“(Y/N), there are so many things that I want to say to you today, but I just don’t have the words. And, maybe it is best that I don’t say them, because sometimes it is better to say them with actions.

“So, I promise to show you what it means that you stepped into my life and made it better. I promise to show you that everything I do is for you. I promise to give you everything that you want and need. I promise to give you a family that supports you, and is so, so proud of you. I promise to wrap you in my arms every night before we drift off to sleep, and make sure you know how loved you are.

“There are somethings that should be spoken though, and so I promise to tell you everyday that I love you, so much. And that I will always love you. Until the end of my days and beyond.”

You smiled up into the genuine face of your soon to be husband, and tried desperately not to cry. If you cried now, you wouldn’t be able to get through your vows.

“(Y/N), are you ready?” the celebrant asked. You nodded slowly, and closed your eyes for just a moment to gather yourself.

“James, for my whole life, I was alone. I was scared, and broken, and I had no idea who I was, or what I was capable of. And then I met you. You were this shining beacon in a world that was too dark for me to navigate. You shone so brightly that I was terrified you would be able to see all of my flaws and faults, and then leave. But you didn’t.

“Instead, you took my hand in yours, and you pulled me along on this great adventure. You let me see into a future full of warmth and love. You accepted all of my shattered parts, and rather than forcing them all back together, you helped me place them piece by piece.

“Before I met you, I wasn’t living. I was surviving. I thought that was all I deserved, and I thought it was all there was for me. But you showed me that there is so much more. Now I wake up everyday, excited by life. And I owe all of that to you. James, you’ve given me a reason to live, and made each day worthwhile. I love you.”

You pushed through your vows as best you could, though your voice did crack, and as much as you attempted to keep eye contact with Bucky, you found yourself focusing on his lips in order to keep it together. He squeezed your hands encouragingly.

“Alright, and now if the best man could bring forward the rings,” the celebrant requested after allowing you both a few moments to take everything in.

Steve nervously came to stand between the two of you, and pried the lid off of the ring box gently. You beamed a smile at him, and noticed a glistening in his eyes.

Following the celebrant’s instructions, Bucky placed the beautiful white gold, diamond and aquamarine ring on your finger. It sat snuggly, as if it had been created for you and you alone. Then you did the same for Bucky’s plain white gold band.

The next step was kind of dull for your guests, but an essential process. You, Bucky, Steve and Sasha signed the celebrant’s registry and then your marriage certificate. Your hands shook as you signed, not helped by Sasha reminding you that it would be your last time signing something as (Y/F/N). You weren’t sorry to leave your maiden name, given to you by your father, behind. It was just an unexpected revelation.

“And now,” the celebrant announced, ushering you back to the middle of the garden. “I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride!”

Bucky smiled down at you, the small crinkles at the corners of his eyes telling you how happy he was. You could feel his utter joy, and it blended seamlessly with yours. He ducked down slightly, and his lips were on yours.

You had kissed each other so many times. It wasn’t a new thing. But, somehow this was different. As if the sensitive skin of your lips had reset itself for your first kiss as husband and wife. You never wanted it to end.

Bucky pulled away from you. “Well Mrs. Barnes, how do you feel?”

You smiled as you considered your reply. “Mr. Barnes, I don’t think I could be any happier than I am right now.”

Bucky leaned in to whisper cheekily into your ear, “remember you said that when we get to the hotel tonight.”

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“I was becoming worried that you would never wake up,” Loki spoke in a voice designed to be charming. “I hadn’t even laid a finger on you when you passed out.”

You remembered the jolt of the Helicarrier, and hitting your head on one of the desks as you fell.

“It was pure luck that I encountered you in the hallway. Though I do admit, I much desired to speak with you.”

“A-and why’s that?” you asked, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“Well,” Loki began, a smile in place. You couldn’t help but notice that he seemed even paler and sickly than when you had captured him in Germany. “I have been recruiting people with heart. But you, based off of what I have heard, are the heart.”

You did not like where he was going with that, and noticed the sceptre glowing slightly.

“Quite frankly, you intrigue me. To be able to see into the hearts of those around you, and perhaps manipulate them, is quite a gift. And a valuable asset.”

“I’m not going to help you,” you spoke defiantly. “I would never help you invade Earth. I would never help you hurt my friends.”

“Friends? Do you mean that collection of misfits? The ones that see you as an outsider, the ones uncomfortable in your presence? They are not your friends, they are… rabble.”

“And let me guess. You’ll be my friend. You’ll treat me better than anyone, and once the Earth is yours, I’ll be safe from danger.”

“Precisely. You are intelligent as well I see,” Loki’s smile widened.

“Well, the problem with my being intelligent is that, I can see right through your lies,” you spat.

“That means little,” Loki replied quietly. “When I have this.”

He raised the sceptre nimbly in his hand for emphasis. It was glowing brighter. Your nerves grew.

“That frightens you, does it not? To know that soon, you will be standing by my side, instilling fear in the hearts of your companions, and the one you hold dear. The Captain of Freedom.”

“You’ll still lose,” you said as confidently as possible, putting from your mind the image of Steve, recoiling from you.

“Are you so sure?”

Loki stepped close to you, and whispered into your ear. “For a Midgardian, you are quite attractive. Perhaps once your world is mine, I will make you my queen.”

You felt the tip of the sceptre over your heart, and it made a strange sound. You felt a small tug, and your chest tightened.

“Now my dear, when your ‘friends’ arrive, you will attack them as aggressively as possible, after forcing fear upon them,” Loki instructed, still whispering in your ear.

“No.”

“What?” Loki asked shocked, backing away and looking at you closely.

“I said no, I will not.”

“Why didn’t it work?” Loki wondered quietly. Now it was your turn to smile.

“Would you look at that. The one thing you’re interested in me for is the thing that makes me stronger than you.”

“You are not… you are not stronger than me!”

“Yes, I am. I stood up to your… toy… with my own power, and I came out on top.”

“No…”

You knew that you were still in danger. Loki was unpredictable, even when you knew exactly what he was feeling. And now, his feelings swirled so violently, you could barely pick one emotion out from the others.

While he stared at his sceptre, cursing under his breath, you began to sidle towards the door. Maybe you could get out without him noticing. He was from Asgard, and there was no way you could best him physically.

“Going somewhere?” Loki asked you, once again sounding calm.

“Damn…” was all you could manage.

“Listen to me now, (Y/N),” Loki uttered, moving close you to, backing you into the wall, and talking into your ear. “You are still alive because I have a respect for your gift. If I cannot use my sceptre to make you mine, there are other ways.

“Make no mistake, your friends will die by my hand, one by one. Your precious Captain will be last. And I may be willing to spare him, if you offer me your loyalty.”

You closed your eyes, fear bubbling in your chest. You hadn’t felt this kind of fear in a long time. You hadn’t felt it waking up in a strange time. You hadn’t felt it in the war. You hadn’t felt it since the last time your father raised his hand against you.

You tried to fight your tears, but you couldn’t stop them. You knew what you had to say.

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