(This was written prior to session 7, keep this in mind)
But i need you to think this one thing
Why would saps only bring his journal, a few food, a knife, and the vial to paradise?
The food is so sparse its almost like he planned to maybe last a week at best, maybe to test the vial. He didn't get to test it yet, so he has to live long enough to at least find the result. The vial is emphasized as his final attempt (using all of his resources, holding on to it for months to years)
If the vial were to not work, would he still try? He'd have run out of resources, he won't have a place to start. He knows this, he fully acknowledges that he can't easily find the materials here in paradise. So why go there?
The fact the vial worked gave him the strongest thing no cure has given him before. Actual hope. A reason to live
Because it means it wasn't a failure, it means he was doing something right, it means he didn't waste 20 years
Saps doesn't care if people hates him, blame him, wants to kill him. That can only mean even before the vial worked, he would've still have these same ideals. He would've still accepted if he were to die by someone.
It almost feels like, saps lived only long enough to see the result of his vial
And its only by chance was it positive. If it wasn't, whos to say he would still be here?
Saps is so careful... but also so careless..
Also saps has no reason to go back, he has nothing going for his life. No one caring about who he is and deeming him "doctor" is already such a dehumanizing depiction that he has accepted as the norm despite still silently correcting people that he isn't a doctor
He hates himself. He sees so little of himself, he feels used, he feels pressured, he feels stressed. But for the first time, he also feels alive. Which is why he keeps making promises, not only because he genuinely wants to help (that as well), but also the pressure and stress makes him feel alive
What i mean by this, is saps is shown to be very monotone, numb, desensitized, disassociating here and there. Hes soft spoken yea, but its clear its from how tired he is, how he is nearing his breaking point of no return, how numb he is to anything and everything.
But look at him in session 5 and 6, hes not monotone. Hes stressed yea, dear lord he is incredibly stressed, but it fuels a different kind of feeling inside of you than the constant ringing of numbness
The fact he brought so little items to paradise and refuses to leave is pretty telling. He planned to die there
HOLY.SHIT.
BRO WTF WTF WTF WTF???
Honestly i didn't even trought about this specific perspective when thinking about his suicidal tendencies, you kinda opened a gate in my mind rn. The only thing i'm adding here is that Saps didn't really showed to be afraid of being killed for now. Everytime he gets into this type of situation (normally because of Flux) he's always talking about the cure, the people he has to cure, but it's never about how HE wants to live. Yes, that's probably just bc he would want to give a good reason for the others to keep him alive, but isn't it weird that even in a breaking point he's still only worried with the cure rather than himself??
Yk, i think i mentioned this before, but i genuine think he plans to kill himself after the cure is done. He wrote it down. He wrote the cure down. It could be because of the infection, that he doesn't wants to forget about it.
But what if it wasn't?












