headcanon that bilbo cooks in the most Indian Momâ„¢ way ever
like when he's waiting for pans on the stove to get hot enough he'd hover his hand SO close to the stove it's almost touching, or carries hot dishes with either the tips of his fingers or in one hand w a thin dishcloth. he picks up and moves hot pieces of food without flinching. cooking oil is splattering and he is unfazed.
the cherry on top is thorin (and even fili and kili) are watching all of this in abject horror.
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So far Tumblr has gnomeposting, hobbitposting, and orcposting as going trends, but no one has yet successfully popularised elfposting, which is something for which we should all be grateful.
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Rereading the hobbit and the terms Bilbo Baggins agrees to includes "funeral expenses to be defrayed". As Tolkien knew any hero worth their salt would take out funeral insurance.
another angst thought that won't leave my brain: dwobbit frodo au, but canon compliant (aka thorin died in BOFA)
genuinely warning: this is quite angsty!! im putting under the cut so you can escape now while you can!!
like, specifically the thought of bofur visiting bilbo some years after the battle of the five armies, both to check in on him, but also because they were good friends! he had always been charmed by bilbo from the start, always looked out for him.
he goes on the long journey to reach the shire, and upon bilbo's doorstep, bofur is greeted by bilbo with a little lad in his arms, probably a hobbit child, whatever they're called-
oh. oh mahal, the lad is the spitting image of thorin.
he's stunned into silence, almost missing bilbo's warm greeting. and he's still deathly silent when bilbo lets him in, and puts frodo down in the sitting room to let him back to his toys and to serve bofur tea (he had come at precisely the right time!). the sight makes bofur forget all of the funny stories and great news about the rebuilding of erebor, being hit with a thousand realizations at once.
bilbo could have children. thorin and bilbo loved each other. they loved each other so much that there was a physical proof of it. and the pebble had to live without one half of his parents. and bilbo had to raise a lad all on his own.
he asks bilbo how he's holding up, and the hobbit's cheer from bofur's visit withers a little. bilbo responds, quite calmly though, not necessarily with sadness, that he's doing quite fine. and he decides to address the elephant (or rather, oliphaunt) in the room that yes, the little lad in the sitting room is his and thorin's lad, and yes, they did have a relationship of that nature.
and yes, he was carrying frodo during that battle. he hadn't found out till he got home, when symptoms started showing up and he came to the tragic realization himself.
when he got to that part, bofur abandoned his tea and scones and got up to gingerly hug bilbo. he whispered into his friend's hair, from where he stood, apologizing that he couldn't have been there for him. that bilbo should've written and called for the company's support, or at least some of them. that he had to go through the ordeal of bringing a child into the world alone. bilbo reassured him that he'd had a few close cousins of his help him, but he knew. he would've appreciated the company of bofur.
the two friends just stood in the silence, bofur stroking bilbo's arm gently.
he asks if it would make bilbo better to talk about frodo. all his milestones, and his adventures as a growing boy. and bilbo smiles wetly, and nods, wiping the tears from his eyes. but he'd like to hear how erebor is holding up first.
"no grave can hold my body down i'll crawl home to [him]" and its bilbo begging the valar to let him go to the halls of mahal when he passes in valinor