#hirata

Another older meta

Man, I will never forget the first time I read this chapter, and the absolute, devastating heartbreak I felt at it.  At watching Yashiro throw his life away, seeing how ready, and relieved he was, for it to come to an end.  It stands as the most naked testament to the anguish of his life.  His level of peaceful acceptance, as Hirata begins to beat him, and then choke him to death, and his inner thoughts about himself, about how he wants to “stain that which is pure.  Hurt that which is precious.  Ruin that which is happy.”, it’s just the hardest thing to witness, to really witness Yashiro’s lack of self-worth, and to understand, in this specific moment, how he really sees himself.  After every chapter up to this point, hinting at it, alluding to it, but always hiding, somewhat, behind a facade of confidence and humor and care-free glibness, we see Yashiro fully exposed for the first time.  We see the true depth of his pain, of his unhappiness, of his sadness.  He’s just in so much pain, is hurting so badly, and we, the audience, finally see that revealed in its fullness, unvarnished and unhidden.  

Also, Hirata really is the worlds biggest piece of trash, made all the more apparent by the contrast between him and Yashiro.  He complains to Yashiro that since he’s always had things stolen from him since he was a kid, that it somehow gives him the right to steal things in return, and then says to Yashiro that he was sure it was the same for him growing up.  But the true, fundamental difference between them is, while Hirata used whatever hardship he experienced growing up as an excuse to be cruel, and to take from others, Yashiro never used what he went through as an excuse for anything, never saw it as providing him any sort of entitlement, any sort of rights.  He accepted it, and never blamed anyone, never held it against anyone, or let it turn him bitter and unkind, the way Hirata did.  This highlights in maybe the most painful way the tragic irony of how Yashiro sees himself.

He says he wants to stain the pure, hurt the precious, ruin the happy, but the truth is, in SPITE of what he went through, in spite of what was done to him, Yashiro’s never wanted to hurt anyone, he’s never wanted to ruin anything, or tried to destory something out of jealousy, or greed, or resentment, like Hirata does.  In fact, Yashiro’s always done exactly the opposite, has shown genersoity and kindness and compassion to a fault.  Has given to others again and again, to the point of self-harm, always sacrificing himself for the sake of those he loves and cares for.  That he sees himself so negatively, that he truly believes himself to be so worthless, his life so worthless, and himself as so dirty, is the defintion of tragedy.

And maybe that selflessness that defines Yashiro’s character is never more on display than at the end of this chapter, when he wakes up, and finds Doumeki has dragged Hirata off of him, only for Doumeki to end up being shot by Hirata moments later, when Doumeki becomes distracted by Yashiro regaining his consciousness.  Where Yashiro was so ready and even happy to accept his own death, where he saw no value, no worth in his continuing to live, no meaning, as he says, when he sees Doumeki shot, all the fight, all the desperation and will that had been absent in him while Hirata beat and choked him, comes rushing in full force.  It’s seeing Doumeki’s life imperiled that gives Yashiro a will to fight.  In his whole life, he’s never fought for himself.  He’s never even considered himself worth fighting for, never realized he should even feel angry or indignant over the way he’s been treated.  But for Doumeki, for that something “precious”, Yashiro finds the will to fight with all he has.  Again, the tragic irony, that Yashiro sees himself as someone who wants to hurt that which is precious, is on display here, because truly, he’s exactly the opposite.  The look on his face when Doumeki is shot is one of such startled fear.   And he holds that expression as he hits Hirata with a rock.  We’ve never seen Yashiro look this frightened before.  We’ve never seen him so stunned and horrified.  Again, it isn’t for himself, but for the person he loves, that Yashiro is stirred to life.

I pointed this out before too, but the translation in the official English release has Yashiro say, after he goes to Doumeki and falls to his knees at his side “Y-you… saved…” before his words are drowned out by the plane.  This is diffrent than what we got in fan translations, and I don’t know which is more correct, but assuming this one is, it reveals true shock on Yashiro’s part, that, despite everything, despite his cruelty toward Doumeki in the previous two chapters, Doumeki came back.  Yashiro clearly didn’t expect him to.  He clearly thought he’d finally driven Doumeki away, finally turned Doumeki against him.  I think he realizes at last, in this moment, that nothing he does will ever keep Doumeki away from him.  He at last sees the true, unwavering nature of Doumeki’s love. Which is why he decides to pretend as if he doesn’t remember him later.  Because in showing such dedication to Yashiro in this moment, Doumeki has also driven home for him the reaosn why he can’t keep Doumeki in his life.  It was coming back to protect Yashiro that gets Doumeki shot here, that nearly gets him killed.  Yashiro might very well think, in this moment, that Doumeki IS dead, realizing his greatest fear, bringing into reality the very thing Yashiro tried so desperately to avoid.  How anyone could wonder why Yashiro finally pushed Doumeki out of his life after this is beyond me.  How else was Yashiro meant to take this, other than as proof that allowing Doumeki to stay with him would eventually lead to Doumeki’s death?  There was no way he was going to accept Doumeki after this.

"You are late."

"I had to play against a boring opponent. It was not fun. Seto, you promised to introduce me to a true advisory. I even came to Japan for this, a notable detour. So, who is the opponent this time?"

["The player Hirata was admitted to the hospital! His injuries are severe!"]

["It's useless! I'm ruined!"]

["The supermodel Aileen Rao-"]

"Who cares about the news?"