#hirap

Paalam.

Nandito ako, Nandyan ka. Hintayin mo ako, Hintayin kita. Naghirap ako, Naghirap ka.

Inakala ko, Inakala mo. Pinagpalit mo ako, Pinagpalit kita.

ANG INSECURE KO ASDFLAJG;L

i can’t supervise it makes me agh ayokong mang-utos ng tao

but they’re efficient naman. ang weird kasi dito mas marunong siya kaysa sa akin, so ano pa ang sinusupervise ko :( i should’ve an org with a steady system first before doing smth like this. pero i mean idk there is a reason why im here right and I can be useful. I am useful i am giving my all to this org she’s so good at the job that i should learn from her!

ALSO that serious apprehension anxiety slight attack after recweek. that emptiness i felt. whew. parang I knew all along that restraining myself was a good idea, but I didn’t follow so after the high and excitement of joining orgs, the feeling of stress and despair*  came rushing back. and i felt the tears coming. I joined all those orgs last year, hopeful to improve myself and find a constant family that i work well with and improve and excel and they would need my skills, they would need me. BUT it didn’t happen and I had totally forgotten when i signed up.  *idk if this is an exaggeration but it just feels like the right word

but on brighter note i realized that maybe a.p. and the g.g. is that family, the family that needs me, the family that I need.