#highfaenesta

Thank you for asking me about my fave, @foxybananaaaz! Tagging @highfaenesta too because you also sent me my girl 😍

How I feel about this character: I don’t even know where to begin. Nesta Archeron is the first literary, fictional character who has made me feel fully seen on the page in terms of her emotional response to her particular trauma, which without getting into specifics is incredibly similar to my own. There’s a line in “Wings and Embers,” which, when I first read it, I crumpled into an emotional, gasping heap because I had never seen my own inner experience written so clearly: 

“She didn’t know what to do with it, that rage. It still burned and hunted her, still made her want to rip and roar and rend the world into pieces. She felt it all—too keenly, too sharply. Hated and cared and loved and dreaded, more than other people, she sometimes thought. Could sift between them all in a matter of moments, like she was trying on different sets of clothes, and no one could tell or care.“ 

The irony is, in my day to day life, I don’t act or appear rageful. But getting to see a fictional character fully experience and at times act upon the rage I also feel, but am a regulated grown person who knows it isn’t healthy to act on my own rage in the real world in the same way, is cathartic, and badass (women are allowed to feel rage - Nesta reminds me of this), and validating, and just, yea, I could go on. 

Then we get to ACOSF where Nesta’s particular traumatic response in terms of her inner life and experience of the world and herself in it, is also so deeply similar to my own, and my love and compassion for her (and by extension, for me - see how powerful that is?) only deepened. There’s so much more I could say, but I’m grateful for this character every damned day of my life since I met her when I first read the series years ago.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Cassian, obv. Because that quote above, that made me feel deeply seen? Cassian is the first person in her world to see that part of her as well, really see her, and not run or shy away. That is next level OTP right there. Nessian has my whole romantic heart.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Gwyn and Emerie, her fellow Valkyries. Friendship on the page does not get any better than what SJM gave us in ACOSF between these three. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: My opinions about Nesta are all gonna be unpopular with someone 😂 The two I think are unpopular with some of my fellow Nesta stans, though, I’ll go ahead and share, and they are intertwined with each other. 

First, I think Nesta’s healing arc in ACOSF, as it relates to her feelings about her father, Papa Archeron, was handled beautifully, and in just the way I felt made sense for someone who does not want to be held down with the heavy baggage of resentment and hate toward a parent whose relationship with her was deeply complicated. (I know many people think narratively that Papa A got off too easy, but when I consider the generational trauma and dysfunction that he was likely in turn enacting --- we don’t know anything about his childhood, what kind of father figure he had or didn’t have --- I think the ruling on what he deserves or doesn’t deserve in the narrative becomes less black and white and a lot more greyscale, and I think where Nesta lands in terms of her feelings about her father, at the end of ACOSF, is the most healthy place for her to have landed. This is also super personal for me, which I admit, but how SJM handled Nesta’s feelings about her father was on my shortlist of needs in ACOSF, and for what I was looking for in this regard, the book delivered and then some.) 

And second, I also think Nesta’s healing arc as it relates to her traumatic response in terms of her spiraling anxiety and negative self-talk, was also portrayed realistically, and in a satisfying way for me (as someone who has experienced the exact thing we saw in ch. 50 before). This one I hope to unpack in longer posts someday after I finish my slow, deliberate reread of ACOSF, but for now, suffice it to say in this book I continued to feel really seen by this part of her experience as well, and it means ACOSF, for all of its faults which I can readily admit exist, will be a beloved, favorite book of mine always, despite its faults.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I want Nesta to remain a main character (lol), and for the bargain she made with the Mother at the end of ACOSF to play an important role in the rest of the series. I also want a true but believable reconciliation of the three Archeron sisters in canon on the page, but I can see why we haven’t gotten that yet at this point in the meta series arc. And I want Nesta in the future books to still be her prickly self, even as she has access to inner peace a lot more now than she used to. 

Send me a character and I’ll break them down!

thank youuu! they’re basically the only thing I wanna draw nowadays ughughugh

url moodboard: @highfaenesta

Easy 10 (predictable lmao but I truly love him). I have a soft spot for those characters that are cocky little shits but have the manners to back up what they are all about. Connor is one of those guys that says ‘I got this’ and has actually got it and ya know what? I need me a man like him.

His character development was one of my favorites in the series. Plus those bedroom manners???? Rude but also, yes, thank you.

Can you tell how attracted I am to this fictional character?? I’d be embarrassed but let’s be real, who isn’t attracted to Connor Cobalt???

Okay  - this  song is amazing. Like damn, but her voice.

---

She has never been comfortable with emotion.

               Shecould easily think of a dozen people she could blame for that, but  the truth is, Nesta  is  tired. She’s tired of not  being able – willing – to feel. She’s tired ofblaming her  faults  on others and giving them  more power over her than  she deserves.

               She’stired of huddling  behind the locked doorof  her room and longing for someoneoutside it.

               She’swandered out, of course she has.  Elainhas just begun to heal, and Nesta would never dare risk her sister retreatingonce more  because of her shortcomings.  And even if she could, Feyre wouldn’t allow it.

               Heryoungest sister has  grown bossy, theweight of her crown one she wears  withgrace and confidence that is so unlike the Feyre of old…

               Nestasupposes  that if Feyre were to list  the people that  damaged her, Nesta’s name would  likely top thelist,  and humble is another feelingNesta dislikes, but since she can’t quite grit out the  words  Feyre deserves – I’m  sorry - she’ll play the  role of humbleinstead.

               No, hersisters will not allow Nesta to retreat entirely, but she still stays alert  for the sound of wings,  and as soon as shehears  them –

               How tiresomeit is, to be this big a coward.

               Sheburies her face  in the knees she’shugged to her chest, and lets out a short, quiet scream of  frustration,muffled by her own  skin.  She hears a click, and looks up as her door swings  open.

               Amrenlooks  odd,  after her time  in the Cauldron, but anyone thatthought her  change made her lessdangerous is a  fool.

               “Theruffian has left. You can stop cowering in here,” she says, her tone blunt,and  Nesta  bares her teeth in reply.

               “I don’t  know what you mean.”

               “You’rehiding from Cassian,” Amren says  inreturn.  “Everyone knows that. Cassian knows that.  But he’s gone. For a  while, probably, so  you’ll even  be able  to  eatwith  us.”

               She  leaves the room once more, clearly expecting Nesta to follow. She  doesn’t want to, but compulsion for  answers has her  dragging her feet  in Amren’s wake

               “Howlong?” she asks when she can’t keep the words back any longer. “Is he  gone for, I mean?”

               Amrenlooks over her shoulder, carefully surveying her.

               “Aslong as Rhys needs him to be gone.”

               Andthat, is  that.

               Nestano longer has to  retreat. Shespends  time with  her sisters and  Amren, and even Rhysand andMorrigan,  though the latter alwayswatches her in a way that leaves Nesta feeling judged.

               She’snot sure yet, what she thinks of  Mor.

               Andevery day, she still listens  for wings.

               Whenthey  don’t come,  her heart grows  heavy,  and she curses herself  for being a fool.

               NestaArcheron doesn’t do emotions  well andshe hates that.

               He – they, really,   because Azriel is withhim -  have been gone ten days  when Rhys finally speaks  of   them.

               “I’mgoing to  have to go  to the camps. Cass and Az  got the worst taken  care of, but some of the Generals are  stillbeing… difficult.”

               “Howlong?” Feyre asks, her hands gripping the table tightly.  That she doesn’t  want him to leave her is  obvious,  but one of them  must remain in publicview.

               “I’ll  go,” Nesta says before Rhys can reply. It’s  easy to  say  the words, when she can tell  herself it’s for Feyre.  Less easy is  it to ignore the increasedrate  of her heart at the  thought of seeing  Cass after  so many days.  “The Generals  fear me.  And it will give  you more  power,  if you don’t have  to go yourself.   You  can drop  me off close  enough that I can  walk, and  it’ll scare them even  more, to  think  I made it all that way myself.”

               Everyoneis  staring at her, but Nestafocuses  on  her toast and keeping  her  expressionbland.

               “Thatis…actually brilliant,” Mor admits after a moment.

               “Yes,”Rhys agrees, and his gaze is heavy on Nesta.  “It  is.”

               When,hours later,   he  leaves her  in the mountains,   it’s with words of wisdom.  Or perhaps a warning.

               “Cassianwas  dragged  into games over love once. He won’t doit  again, Nesta. Don’t try and make him.”

               Herreply is a haughty stare, and  it’srelief she feels when she’s  left  alone to make her  way into theIllyrian  camp.

               Herpalms  are sweaty.

               It has nothing to do  with the  way the Illyrians hiss  witch  and recoil with fear  at herappearance.  That makes her feel nothing but a vicious  pleasure.

               No,  it’s the  man in  fighting leathers who  won’t take his eyes  off her  and looks at  her with anything but fear that  makes her  nervous.

               “OurHigh Lord heard there were still some problems,” Nesta said, every inch thehaughty bitch most of the world  believedher to  be. “He is  far too busy to make the trip  himself, of course,  but I had a bit offree time.”

               The waythe Illyrian  general blanches  pleases Nesta. Cassian’s smirk says it pleases him as  well.

               “We’rehappy to have you.”

               It’slater, once they’ve  put on enoughof  a show that this  first  camp is back in line that Cassian  enters hertent without  asking.

               “Whyare you  here?” he asks.

               “I toldyou-”

               “Don’t lie to me!” the words  are agrowl, and  his step towards her  is aggressive. Nesta  feels her body stiffen,  andCassian  grits his teeth and keepshis  distance, running a hand through hishair. “Please, Nesta. Why?”

               “Imissed you,” she admits, hugging her  arms  around herself.  Even though she had  avoided him…  just  knowing he was  there had  been  something.  “And… I  wanted  to know if you missed me  too.”

               “Every day, since the  end  of the war.”

               Andlike  opening  the flood gates, his  confession sends  her into  his arms.   He  tastes like he did on the battlefield, onlythis time there is no King of  Hybernhanging over  them.   There is  no  certain death to end this  kiss.