House of Flame and Shadow - thus ends my Tumblr break (no spoilers in this post)
I just finished HOFAS (and two of the bonus chaps - B,N,&A, and, E&R - with plans to read the others tonight).
I'm vibrating with everything......
And so, it looks like I will be dusting off my Tumblr to post and yeet and process this book.
I'll tag with BOTH the relevant book and character tags, and the tag "#HOFAS spoilers". And I'll put spoilers under post breaks. I'll also tag with "#post HOFAS discussion" so I can keep track of the insanity that will be the post-HOFAS and pre-ACOTAR5 era. 👀🙈💃
LET'S DO THIS
Edited to add: My asks are open for anyone who wants to discuss the book!
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Nesta Week 2024 ~ Day 2: Metamorphosis ~ @nestaarcheronweek
{a short meta about ACOSF Ch. 50 meant to capture a little of my thinking about the most significant metamorphosis Nesta undergoes in her story}
My experience of reading ACOSF Ch. 50 is one of metamorphosis: both as a reader because I am transformed every time I read it, and in seeing Nesta undergo the most essential, vital transformation of her life so far, during the span of this scene.
It isn't caused by magic, or trauma, or things happening to her in the plot.
Instead, it's the transformation from someone who does not believe themselves to be worthy of love, into someone with the bravery to try to believe they are.
Cassian drew the Illyrian blade from down his back. It gleamed with moonlight as he extended it to her hilt-first. “Take it.” Blinking, eyes still puffy with tears, she did. The blade dipped as she wrapped her hands around it, as if she didn’t expect its weight after so long with the wooden practice swords. Cassian stepped back. Then said, “Show me the eight-pointed star.” She studied the blade, then swallowed. Her features were open, fearful but so trusting that he nearly went to his knees. He nodded toward the blade. “Show me, Nesta.” Whatever she sought in his face, she found it. She widened her stance, bracing her feet on the stones. Cassian held his breath as she took up the first position. Nesta lifted the sword and executed a perfect arcing slash. Her weight shifted to her legs just as she flipped the blade, leading with the hilt, and brought up her arm against an invisible blow. Another shift and the sword swept down, a brutal slash that would have sliced an opponent in half. Each slice was perfect. Like that eight-pointed star was stamped on her very heart. The sword was an extension of her arm, a part of her as much as her hair or breath. Every movement bloomed with purpose and precision.
In the moonlight, before the silvered lake, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Nesta finished the eighth maneuver, and returned the sword to center. The light in her eyes shone brighter than the moon overhead. Such light, and clarity, that he could only whisper, “Again.”
With a soft smile that Cassian had never seen before, standing on the moon-washed shores of the lake, Nesta began.
This beautiful, vulnerable, powerful moment at the end of ACOSF Ch. 50 comes after the harrowing experience of Nesta finally speaking aloud to her trusted person what she feels about herself.
And of course—I say this all the time—SJM is a romance writer, which means Nesta's trusted person, Cassian, is who she finally cracks herself wide open with. I believe Nesta would not have been capable of finally voicing these things if not for the trust and care that had grown between her and Cassian, as both friends and lovers, leading up to this scene.
And his response to what she says about herself helps her to see light and hope again by persistently reframing her own jagged (mis)understanding of herself and her capability as instead an experience that can be honored as difficult, then walked through to a better, more light-filled existence on the other side:
"What you feel, this guilt and pain and self-loathing—you will get through it. But only if you are willing to fight. Only if you are willing to face it, and embrace it, and walk through it, to emerge on the other side of it. And maybe you will still feel that tinge of pain, but there is another side. A better side.” She pulled back from his chest then. Found his gaze lined with silver. “I don’t know how to get there. I don’t think I’m capable of it.” His eyes glimmered with pain for her. “You are. I’ve seen it—I’ve seen what you can do when you are willing to fight for the people you love. Why not apply that same bravery and loyalty to yourself?"
And:
“But I still don’t know how to fix myself.”
“There’s nothing broken to be fixed,” he said fiercely. “You are helping yourself. Healing the parts of you that hurt too much—and perhaps hurt others, too.”
(I've said this about other scenes in ACOSF too, but I believe in my bones, my heart, and my soul, that this is written by someone (SJM) who has said these very same things to her own person (Josh). I have in fact said these things to my person - "I don't think I'm capable of it" was torn right from my own mouth and life. This is spot on for accuracy about what this kind of breaking open is like for someone who does not believe they are worthy of love where the person who loves them then debunks that falsehood in just the ways Cassian does here. I've said it before and I'll say it again; It's so powerful to see my lived experience on the page like this, y'all.)
There is security on the shores of the lake for Nesta, which is just the set of delicate circumstances needed to allow what we see at the very end of the chapter to blossom:
With a soft smile that Cassian had never seen before, standing on the moon-washed shores of the lake, Nesta began.
The last stretch of this chapter is in Cassian's pov. I love that it is, because the love he feels for her, the depth it expands to in response to seeing her trust, and try, and become who she is meant to be—not a magical queen, but a person who knows they are loved and is beginning to also know they deserve to be—saturates everything about this moment and scene beside the lake.
In ACOSF, SJM writes about the priestesses training to be Valkyries with Gwyn, Emerie, and Nesta, as though SJM has an entire future plot for all of them already in her head as she wrote it.
Probably not a controversial observation for most of us, but it bears saying because, wow, it's so clear to me as a reader, I'd be shocked if they aren't central to one of the future books.
Hey ! first of all: I recently discovered you blog & totally fell in love with it🥺, especially after my "Nessian Hangover".
I know this might be a bit off-topic from your usual content, but there's something about Cassian's relationship with Mor that really irks me...and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.
His actions, like pulling away from Nesta's hand in ACOWAR, left me feeling frustrated and sympathetic towards Nesta. And then there's that whole thing in Wings and Embers where he's all secretive about Nesta with Mor and doesn't wanna tell her about Nesta, which gave off major mixed signals?? I mean, describing Mor as something between a lover and a friend, while also being like family? That was so confusing, how can she be all three to him? it just felt so ... inappropriate and I felt so bad for Nesta bc obviously she deserves someone who has only eyes for her.
But then in SF he says all romantic feelings turned into familial bonds after the incident so what was that about then in WaE and pulling his hand away in ACOWAR?
Also in WaE it sounded like he primarily slept with Mor out of jealouy but in SF it does seem like he did had romantic feelings towards her ? :/ ...
And when he thought in SF about how hauntingly beautiful Mor is and how it takes his breath away and that she is lovely and perfect .... it just drove me mad tbh because this sounded very romantic coded to me which made me feel so bad for Nesta.
it has been all so confusing and inconsistent to me and also just frustrating how he talked so poetic about a woman he slept with (or did he also call Nesta also hauntingly beautiful or lovely or perfect and I'm not remembering it?), or how he didn't wanted to show Mor that he has feelings for Nesta?? :/ - so I just wondered what you thought about all of that, in hopes to calm me down or clarify bc it really almost ruined him for me (maybe I was misinterpreting stuff?).
hope that's not a weird question bc of how spesific it is haha
BTW I love your love for Nesta bc same🖤.
I love this ask, Anon, and how detailed and specific it is. It is a question after my own heart! My response is long so it's after the break.
Thank you for saying you love my love for Nesta - that means the world to me. What I especially like about your ask is, it is about canon Nesta, who is the Nesta I most treasure, and by extension about canon Nessian. I sometimes feel like a lone voice in the drafty moors of Tumblr with my deep and abiding love for canon Nessian, so the fact that this ask lets me talk about them in canon makes me happy!
I have given this a lot of thought since receiving your question, and I'm not sure how satisfying parts of my answer will be, so my apologies in advance for the fact that I am not actually going to offer an explanation for how and why all the details you listed can co-exist in a single, utterly comprehensive whole for the Cassian-Mor relationship when Cass is unquestioningly Nesta's by the end of ACOSF.
Instead, here's why the lack of things utterly lining up for these three doesn't bother me in the long run, and only slightly bothered me during the pre-ACOSF / post-ACOFAS era.
It is clear to me as a reader that SJM pivoted in a significant way between ACOMAF and ACOWAR when it comes to Mor.
I came across a post recently that explains exactly my thoughts on this. The post focuses on the current ship war but the evidence in it describes how during ACOMAF it was clear Moriel (Mor and Azriel) was likely to be endgame, but then SJM shifted Mor's arc to where she was more attracted to women, which meant needing to retcon a lot (and unfortunately a lot of Mor's charm and nuance was collateral damage that I am still hoping SJM repairs).
I think Cassian in ACOMAF needs to be read in the context of a planned future love triangle of sorts between Azriel-Mor-Cassian, into which I do think SJM planned to throw Nesta as a big bomb that beautifully blows up Cass's corner of the triangle. But the parts in "Wings and Embers" where Cass says to the reader he is worried about what Mor will think about his fixation on this human woman, I think were meant to preserve some kind of angsty triangle for the next book, which SJM (thankfully) jettisoned. I hate love triangles so I honestly would not have been a fan if that had been where SJM landed.
Now, in ACOWAR and ACOFAS, I think the Mor stuff with Cassian gets a bit more confusing, so I agree with you there. Cassian doesn't know for sure Nesta is his mate until she screams for him during the Battle of Hybern at the end of ACOWAR, so the stuff before that - e.g., him removing his hand from hers - I read in a few ways. I think being buffer to Mor with Azriel all those years messed with his head a lot, and in a way, Mor finally coming to terms with her sexuality is a really solid catalyst for her beginning to distance herself from the triangle dynamic she was a part of for 500 years, which I think was more healthy for everyone involved.
But remember, Nesta is still proud and surly in ACOWAR, not in any inherently bad way but in a way that probably didn't signal to Cassian she was particularly interested in him, even as he was drawn to her like a magnet and couldn't keep away because part of him loves her claws so much. Cass rightly protects his own heart when he has the foresight to do so in ACOWAR and ACOFAS. I always knew they would work their shit out eventually, but during the messy process of doing so I don't begrudge him a little distance when Nesta, in her trauma response to what was happening to her and around her, sometimes lashed out at the strongest individual in her vicinity who she knew could take it like a boulder weathers the storm - that person was always Cassian for her.
When I first read ACOSF, I absolutely assumed going in that Mor was going to be catty about Nessian finally starting to get together. When she wasn't, it was jarring to me. But once I finished my first reading of ACOSF, I came to a striking conclusion about Mor, ACOSF, and SJM:
The story SJM needed to tell in ACOSF would not have been aided or forwarded by Mor intervening in the Nessian dynamic in a catty way, or being a foil to anything about Nesta in that story's arc.
In other words, SJM could have written a version of Nesta and Cassian's book that included Mor challenging Nesta's right to be with Cassian, but that was unequivocally NOT the book SJM wanted or needed to write (hopefully my double negative landed correctly here, lol).
So, SJM pivoted, and sent Mor to Vallahan, so SJM could write the story she needed to write. As a writerly choice, I adore everything about it - Nesta didn't need to be fighting with another woman over rights to her mate, she needed women friendships that were pure and gloriously blank slates upon which and with whom to write and tell her and their collective story - so SJM introduced Emerie and Gwyn. SJM even brought in Mor later to teach Nesta the waltzes, and their brief exchange in which Nesta called her Morrigan and Mor invited her to call her Mor, and Nesta accepted the invitation to do so, is another breathtakingly vulnerable moment for Nesta that fills my heart right up. To this end, the promise that Mor will begin to train with the Valkyries in the next book has me so excited.
Now, there are two lines in ACOSF I still want to comment on (then I'll reign in this very long post, lol). First, I agree that Cassian's observation in his pov of how breathtakingly beautiful Mor is at the cafe toward the start of the book can come off romantic coded, though for him at this point I don't think it is. But whether it is or not, we need to remember he and Nesta still have a whole book's worth of stuff to work through with their romantic relationship.
I suspect SJM included that moment in part to set up some stakes for the Nessian arc - that, although Cassian hasn't had sex since he met Nesta, he is still a man who is drawn to admiring a beautiful woman inside and out. If Nesta had already won his exclusive attention in this regard before any of their arc began in that book, what would be the point of the book? (By the end, I do think Cassian only has eyes for Nesta, and it is absolutely because they claim each other - I don't think in the long run he would have been able to settle for less, and nor should he have.)
And, since Nessian aren't in a relationship at that point in the cafe at the beginning of the book, I'm not mad at him for admiring Mor's beauty per say. I think if Nesta invited it then, he would admire hers a lot more, and with a much more deep seated attraction. ACOSF is about them both letting their inner barriers down to allow the other to love them, so that kind of attraction still needs to be earned between them at that point in their story. His observation about Mor's beauty is in a different category entirely from where Cassian eventually lands with Nesta, so there is nothing threatening about it for me.
The other line that feels weird to me most times I read it, is when Mor baldly tells Nesta early in ACOSF that she would have sent Nesta to live in the Court of Nightmares. The only explanation I have for this moment and exchange is that for SJM it was more in service of Nesta's arc, and less about making sense coming from Mor. What I mean here is, at that moment Nesta feels wretched and all things terrible about herself, and it's a feature of that kind of disordered thinking that others around you either seem to echo what you're thinking about yourself, or sometimes do echo it in reality, if through a trauma response you've hurt those around you (*she says from personal experience*), or if through their own trauma response those around you respond in kind (as I think may have been happening with Mor in this scene).
Do I love that Mor says something so cruel to Nesta in that moment early in Nesta's healing journey? No, I do not. Do I see why it helps to heavily charge these early scenes for Nesta as she truly hits rock bottom regarding her feelings about herself? Yes, I do.
Which leads me to how I'll conclude this. I hope SJM intentionally develops Mor's story so she isn't just a device in the story arcs of others. For better or worse, some kind of reckoning between her and Az needs to happen, likely in the next book, for either to truly move on. But I hope Mor gets the attention a character like her deserves in future books.
I am A-OK with her mostly-absence from ACOSF because I don't think she would have been a productive part of Nesta's healing arc, and at the end of the day that is the heart and soul of ACOSF for me - Nesta healing.
The reason ACOSF-Nessian has my whole heart is because, it's so clear to me the ways Cassian supports Nesta's healing and is the catalyst for a lot of her growth into a person who loves herself and sees herself as worthy and deserving of love and happiness.
If he was a bit of a hot mess in the period between first meeting Nesta and getting to finally be with her as accepted mates, I don't begrudge him that.
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Which scenes from acotar- acosf with Nesta are your favorites? 👀
Thank you for this ask, anon! This will be super fun to list out all of my favorite Nesta scenes from the ACOTAR books.
ACOTAR
"Tell me everything that happened." - When Feyre returns to her family halfway through the book, and we learn Tamlin's glamour didn't work on Nesta, and Feyre starts to understand Nesta's inner fire in a way she hadn't before. This set of scenes launched Nesta right on to my list of favorite characters - they are pure fire.
Feyre teaches Nesta to paint - This is a brief but, to me, utterly beautiful moment amid the set of scenes I listed above. It's when Nesta asks Feyre to teach her to paint, and in particular it's the moment when they emerge from where they had been painting together and both are covered in paint and charcoal, even as it's clear Nesta isn't very good at it but she wanted to try anyway, with her sister. Some day I want to commission an artist to draw Feyre and Nesta in this moment of ACOTAR. It fills my familial heart right up every time I read it.
ACOMAF
"Wings and Embers" bonus chapter - When I first read this bonus chapter, the way Nesta's pov in this extended scene made me feel seen by words on the page, in a way I never had felt seen before, is something I cherish.
When the human queens visit the Archeron estate - Nesta makes a passionate and uncharacteristically vulnerable plea to the queens to protect the human lands south of Prythian, which leads to Cassian promising to protect the humans even if the queens will not. It's another beautiful example of Nesta being vulnerable in a public way, and it moves me every time I read it.
"The hellcat now, if you'll be so kind." - When the King of Hybern orders Nesta to be pushed into the Cauldron and forcibly Made Fae. This entire scene is devastating and traumatic. But watching Nesta fight back with the rage we first glimpse in "Wings and Embers" makes this an absolute standout Nesta scene for me. The finger point at Hybern and his unnerved reaction are everything to me.
ACOWAR
Scenes when Nesta is training with Amren - I always loved these and even though my present canonical feelings about Amren are mixed to poor, the way these scenes brought out a side of Nesta we hadn't seen yet make them special to me.
The meeting of the High Lords - Both during it, when Nesta as the Night Court's new Emissary to the Human Lands makes a public and, again, incredibly vulnerable case to those assembled that the humans are worth protecting, and also the scene just after the meeting when Nesta senses the Cauldron and Cassian believes her without question, which is just one of many of the embarrassment of riches we get in this book when it comes to Nessian.
When Nesta scries for the Cauldron with stones and bones - Everything about this scene is chef's kiss, but especially the Nessian dynamic in it.
Nesta screaming for Cassian during the battle against Hybern - This doesn't need an explanation, does it? As we learn later, it's the moment Cassian realizes they are mates. It is everything.
Cassian lifting Nesta to greet Drakon and the legions he brought with him, and the arrival of Papa Archeron - This scene, also during the battle, means so much to me that it's depicted in the first ever artwork I commissioned.
Nessian's stand against the King of Hybern - the way they fight together and are willing to die together sets me alight whenever I read it, and it's always fascinating to me that SJM manages to show us this scene from within Feyre's pov, who isn't even present for it.
Nesta and her father - His last words to her.....ACOSF shows just how important and complicated this moment is for Nesta, and it's for those same reasons this scene is so important to me.
Nesta kills the king - I love that Elain is the one who appears and makes the first blow on this kill, and that when Nesta finishes the job she lifts the king's head like the badass that she is. There is such trauma and rage in this moment and, again, seeing that baldly on the page is transformative for me every time I read it. Related to this moment is a little while later when the Archeron sisters walk past the King of Hybern's corpse, and Nesta spits on it. So raw, so perfect.
ACOFAS
Nesta's pov - After her fight with Cassian, the small snippet we get in Nesta's pov when she returns to her apartment, locks her doors, and completely dissociates in despair. It is so painful and raw, but again there is something about this scene that also makes me feel seen, especially heading into ACOSF.
ACOSF
(I need to do these rapid fire because, if I give an explanation for each one, this post will take forever to write; they also may be listed out of order, my apologies for that)
The Prologue - Nesta in the Cauldron from her pov
Opening scenes in Nesta's pov where we finally learn what she's been going through
Nesta's nightmare after her first try at scrying
Nesta successfully scrying for the Mask (when the room turns cold and Cassian kisses her back to herself after using her power)
Nesta fighting the kelpie in the Bog of Oorid and then reuniting with Cass and Az
The first time Nesta wields a sword
Ch. 50 - Nesta and Cassian by the lake after their hike through the Sleeping Mountains
Nesta's fight against Lanthys in the Prison
Nesta bringing Cassian to her family's cottage (this scene is absolutely standout for me)
Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie making friendship bracelets together
When Gwyn gives Nesta and Emerie her Solstice gift to them ("We're in a book." "Our stories are worth telling." *sobs*)
Nesta working through her PTSD response to the sound of fire and then the House of Wind's Solstice gift to her in the heart of the House
Nesta dancing at the Solstice ball (when this leaked ahead of the book's release, I sobbed at seeing a glimpse of Nesta healed and joyful)
Ch. 58 - Cassian giving Nesta the Symphonia, her response, and Nessian finally yielding to each other and their mating bond solidifying
Nesta mastering herself during her fight with Cassian about their mating bond and choosing not to hurt him with her words
Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn fighting off a group of random Illyrians during the Blood Rite like a single Valkyrie unit
Nesta sending Emerie and Gwyn to the summit of Ramiel and holding the Pass of Enalius
Nesta erupting with the power of the Cauldron
Nesta's conversation with the Mother while wearing the Mask during the birth of Nyx
Nesta visiting her father's grave at the very end of the book
“And now I’m going to slit your pretty little throat.” // Cassian’s words were not his own. His hands were not his own as Nesta—as his mate—tried to pull away and he clamped his arms around her. Hard enough that her bones shifted against his hands. He was screaming. Silently, endlessly. Screaming at her to fight him, to run. Screaming at himself to stop it. But he couldn’t. No matter what he did, he could not stop it. “Cassian,” Nesta said, struggling. Kill me, he silently begged her. Kill me before I have to do this. “Cassian.” Nesta shoved against his chest. But his arms held firm. Squeezed her tighter. “He can’t obey you, Nesta Archeron,” rasped an old, withered voice from behind Nesta. “He’s mine now.” Cassian could not even widen his eyes in warning. His arms loosened on the queen’s silent command, allowing Nesta to turn in his embrace. Presenting her to Briallyn, who wore the Crown atop her thin, white hair.
—ACOSF Ch. 73
Cassian's inner dialogue here is gut wrenching. It's so very Cassian in that he would gladly die before being responsible for the death of someone he loves (more on this in the next chapter 👀). This poor bat boy's panic at being put in this situation is palpable.
But the main reason I'm sharing this bit is because of what Briallyn says to Nesta about Cassian:
"He's mine now."
Bitch, what are you smoking? They are M A T E S. He is LITERALLY that badass Made High Fae Valkyrie's, who's about to kick your ass. Not. 👏🏻 Yours. 👏🏻
Dumbass bitch deserves everything she has coming to her in the next chapter, for her audacity to claim this VERY MATED MALE as somehow "hers," Crown or no.
Watch these two correct her absurd misconception. 🍿
Friends! I have two Asks to answer about Nesta, Nessian, and ACOSF 🥹 when I get a hot minute away from work, as well as a post I'm working on about Nesta's hike with Cassian through the Sleeping Mountains in ACOSF.
I'm also up to the middle of the Blood Rite in my ACOSF reread post-HOFAS. I'm rereading slowly as a self-soothing activity around a very busy life otherwise.
(For anyone following along at home, after this I plan to reread HOFAS for the first time since it came out. 👀)
But this post is mostly to say I'm excited to respond to those two Asks (after literal years since the last time someone submitted one), because I'm happy to talk about Nesta my love, and Cassian HER love, all day every day ❤️
They fell silent again as Gwyn shifted her feet, angling the blade. The wind waggled the ribbon again, as if taunting her. Cassian glanced over at Az, but his attention was fixed on the young priestess, admiration and quiet encouragement shining from his face. Gwyn whispered, “I am the rock against which the surf crashes.” Nesta straightened at the words, as if they were a prayer and a summons. Gwyn lifted the blade. “Nothing can break me.” Cassian’s throat tightened, and even from across the ring, he could see Nesta’s eyes gleaming with pride and pain. Emerie said, “Nothing can break us.” The world seemed to pause at the words. As if it had been following one path and now branched off in another direction. In a hundred years, a thousand, this moment would still be etched in his mind. That he would tell his children, his grandchildren, Right then and there. That was when it all changed. Azriel went wholly still, as if he, too, had felt the shift. As if he, too, were aware that far larger forces peered into that training ring as Gwyn moved. Smooth as the Sidra, swift as the wind off the Illyrian Mountains, her entire body working in singing harmony, Gwyn lunged toward the ribbon, twirled, and as she spun, her arm opened up, executing a perfect backhanded slice that cut the winter morning itself. Half the ribbon fluttered to the red stone. A flawless, precise slice. Not one frayed strand rippled in the wind as the severed ribbon hanging from the beam flapped. Nesta bent down, picked up the fallen half of the ribbon, and solemnly tied it around Gwyn’s brow. A makeshift version of what the priestesses wore atop their heads with their stones. But Cassian had never seen Gwyn display her Invoking Stone. Gwyn lifted trembling fingers to her brow, touching the ribbon with which Nesta had crowned her. Nesta’s voice was thick as she declared, “Valkyrie.”
—ACOSF Ch. 60
This scene opens Chapter 60, and I believe this is SJM's writing at its best.
Three strong women, reforming an ancient female warrior group, their strength born from struggle and pain but finding light and purpose together...this is the moment the narrative bends around them.
Gwyn's invocation, "I am the rock against which the surf crashes. Nothing can break me," and Emerie's reminder that they are an "us" now. Nesta's admiration for her strong friend. It is archetypical yet utterly personal.
But the moment is told through Cassian's eyes. SJM is at her core a romance writer. The partners she writes for her strong heroines have this lens through which they grow to see and know their mates (used here in all senses)—a lens shaped by love, strength, admiration, and at times wonder.
(NB: I'll admit, for me, this moment is also one of the strongest bits of textual evidence that SJM's romantic plans for Azriel will involve Gwyn. His admiration of her here, albeit observed by his brother, is right in type with the mold of SJM's romantic pairings.)
But this part of ACOSF is also why I see....literally SEE these three females in future books playing a role that is world altering. I mean, it's right there in the text: "The world seemed to pause at the words. As if it had been following one path and now branched off in another direction. . . . Right then and there. That was when it all changed."
And I get chills reading this because while ACOSF gives us their participation in the Blood Rite as one way they emerge as a unit, I feel in my bones their role, and the role of the Valkyries which they have brought back to life, will shape the outcomes of the world conflicts to come.
I just reread this scene last night so I'm reblogging my meta about the amazing moment Gwyn cuts the ribbon in ACOSF right into @gwynrielweeksofficial for Day 4: Warriors, because this moment and all my favorite things about it not only illustrate both Gwyn and Az as warriors (he as a trainer and she as a trainee), but it points (literally!) to the fact that we will get to see the Valkyrie warriors reborn in action in future books 💙⚔️
I've always felt it's really significant that both Az and Gwyn have attained the same Illyrian warrior rank of Carynthian by the end of ACOSF. They are true equals by then — and I love seeing how his admiration for her starts as far back as this moment when she cuts the ribbon and becomes a Valkyrie.
Since I am bored and toying with my own imagination. Here is how I Imagine a Dorian and Lucien friendship would look like:
Recognizing one another's similiar traumas and being able to discuss them properly and respect one another's boundaries
Exchanging flirting advice
Exchange hair care advice
Fashion Icons. Would shop together or help pick outfits for each other and all of us would suffer from how hot they are
Sparring practices (This would be my version of Nesta gawking at Cassian and Az)
The playful shade these two could throw at one another with their quick remarks would be 10/10
These two debate for fun.
These two keep score of how many debates they've won against one another.
100% giving book recs to one another
1000% showing off their libraries to one another
Have little hopeless romantic sessions where they speak of their yearning
So many social events. So much partying together. Everyone loves them at these things. Makes many friends.
Gossips about the many friends they've made when it's just the two of them.
Dorian transforms himself into Eris just to annoy Lucien whenever they disagree about something.
These two 100% find themselves in a bit of trouble from having a bit too much fun but they are smart enough to get away with it each time.
Rants about their daddy issues
Rants about their problematic brothers
Lucien teaches Dorian how to catch a fish with his bare hands. This increases Dorian's desirability to ungodly levels which no one thought was possible cuz its Dorian Havilliard.
Lucien eventually gets to go see his mom and brings Dorian to meet her. She adores him. He adores her. Lucien gets a bit jealous and reminds Lady Autumn he is in fact her favorite son.
Dorian brings Lucien to meet Manon. Lucien is a bit intimidated and wonders how on earth his friend became so bewitched by someone who eats men but he really wants to pet Abraxos so he tries his best to befriend them
Finds Manon to be rather intriguing company. Debates whether he should suggest she meets Nesta.
Lucien succeeds in petting Abraxos - is very happy about it.
Dorian makes Lucien blush when he casually comments on how attractive he thinks Lucien is. Lucien appreciates the remarks but is flustered. (Seriously, Dorian's bisexual energy would vibrate at such high frequencies around Lucien - I just know it)
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"Nesta had never heard a voice like Gwyn's—by turns trained and wild, as if there was so much sound fighting to break free of Gwyn that she couldn't quite contain it all. As if the sound needed to be loose in the world."
This is how Sarah J. Maas writes artistic expression in her main characters. Aelin. Feyre. Bryce. Nesta. A description of them like this is in every one of their book arcs—where artistic expression originating from that character needs to be in the world.
I don't think SJM gifts this experience, this need to express artistically, to women characters if she doesn't plan to give them the space to tell their own story, where typically artistic expression is a key into who her main characters are and what they need.
The only content I typically create is meta, so here's a (meta) meta offered to @gwynrielweeksofficial for
Day 2: Complementary
On my first reading of ACOSF, after meeting Gwyn and loving her almost instantly, when later in the book we have this gorgeous scene of Nesta witnessing her new friend sing, I was a goner for this amazing new character. (c.f., I sing too. 🥹)
Then cut to the Azriel bonus chapter, and in a scene with Gwyn we learn the ever mysterious Shadowsinger and Night Court Spymaster also....enjoys.....singing.
I nearly lost my mind over these two for each other from that moment onward. 🫠
I like to think of the moment Az admits to Gwyn he sings as "Chekhov's 'Guess what? I sing!' Revelation" — now that SJM revealed this to her readers, it's inevitable we will see it in action. (Google Chekhov's gun to see what I mean...)
And the way SJM writes Gwyn singing makes it undeniable she and Az complement each other perfectly 🎶
"And I am still terrified that if I let myself have you … it will be taken away. Someone will take it away, and if you’re dead …” She buried her face in her hands. “It doesn’t matter,” she whispered. “I do not deserve you, and I never, ever will.” Utter silence filled the room. Such silence that she wondered if he’d left, and lowered her hands to see if he was there. Cassian stood before her. Tears streaming down his beautiful, perfect face. She didn’t balk from it, letting him see her like this: her most raw, most base self. He’d always seen all of her, anyway. He opened his mouth and tried to speak. Had to swallow and try again. Nesta saw all the words in his eyes, though. The same ones she knew lay in her own. So he stopped trying to speak, and closed the distance between them. Slid a hand into her hair, the other going around her waist and tugging her against him. He said nothing as he dipped his head, mouth brushing the tears sliding along one of her cheeks. Then the other. She closed her eyes, letting herself savor his lips on her over-hot skin, the way his breath caressed her cheek. Each gentle kiss echoed those words she’d seen in his eyes. Cassian pulled back, and remained that way long enough that she opened her eyes again to find his face inches from her own. “You’re not going to marry Eris,” he said roughly. “No,” she breathed. His eyes blazed. “There will be no one else. For either of us.” “Yes,” she whispered. “Ever,” he promised. Nesta laid a hand on his muscled chest, letting the thunderous beating of the heart beneath echo into her palm. Let it travel down her arm, into her own chest, her own heart. “Ever,” she swore. It was all he needed. All she needed. Cassian’s mouth met hers, and the world ceased to exist.
—ACOSF Ch. 58
This chapter, when Nesta and Cassian finally yield to each other so fully and beautifully, moved me so much both times I've read it. I grabbed this passage because it comes right at the end of Nesta sharing with Cassian her darkest feelings of unworthiness of him. It's different from Chapter 50 because then the feelings are about herself, while here they are about herself in relation to him.
I know Nesta's feelings receive a lot of scrutiny by those who feel she is unjustly hard on herself. For my part, as someone who has felt and said similar things to my partner about me that Nesta says to Cassian about herself, I'm here to say this scene rings so very true to my anxious, tired soul.
But this passage above, it comes right after those words of unworthiness, and I love it because it is so characteristic of Nessian, y'all, I just want to swim around in it.
From Nesta's vulnerability after spewing out all of the bad things she feels, and Cassian seeing all of her and not balking (a callback to "Wings and Embers"). To all the ways Cassian tells her (mostly without words) that she is in fact worthy of him. Also, it's worth noting that he calls her a queen earlier in this scene when he is worried about his own unworthiness of her.
And for me, the thing that is so overwhelmingly beautiful about this coming together for them is that they both think themselves unworthy of the other, but here at this moment, Cassian has had it and firmly moves past that emotional barrier keeping them each from the other.
He claims her first without words, then with the simplest of declarations that broker no argument. And as someone, like Nesta, with enough anxiety that at times it is debilitating, that kind of confident, firm, and loving hand from my partner is essential—to us, our love, our relationship, and what makes us work.
25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist
Bonus quotes from their lovemaking after the break...
...because I almost made this post about these but the above transitional moment, from argument to connection, won out for me:
On the fifth, the walls of that inner fortress of ancient iron came down. Cassian pulled away, as if sensing it, and his eyes flared as they met her own. But he kept moving in her, making love to her thoroughly, unhurriedly. So Nesta let all that lay beyond those iron walls unspool toward him. Thread after thread of pure golden light flowed into him, and he met it with his own. Where those threads wove together, life glowed like starfire, and she had never seen anything more beautiful, felt anything more beautiful. She was crying, and she didn’t know why—only that she never wanted it to end, this binding between them, the feeling of him moving so deep in her that she wanted him imprinted beneath her skin. His tears dripped onto her face, and she reached up to brush them away. He leaned his head into her hand, nuzzling her palm. “Say it,” Cassian whispered against her skin. She knew what he meant. Somehow, she knew what he meant. Nesta waited until he’d thrust again, driving as deep into her as he’d ever gone, and whispered, “You’re mine.” He groaned, thrusting hard. She whispered, “And I am yours.” Those golden threads between their very souls shone with the words, as if they formed a harp strummed by a heavenly hand. For it was music between their souls. Always had been. And his voice was her favorite melody. “Nesta.” She heard the plea in her name.
dat Nessian mating bond tho ❤️
The golden threads shimmered and sang, and she couldn’t take it, the music between their souls, the feel of his body on her and in her, and— Release blasted through her, obliterating every last bit of that inner wall, razing mountains and forests, wiping the world clean with light and pleasure, stars crashing down from the heavens in a never-ending rain. Cassian roared as he came, and the sound was the summons of a hunt, a symphony, a single clear horn playing as dawn broke over the world. There was only this moment, this thing shared between them, and it lasted for an eternity. Time was of no consequence. Time had always stood still around him, around them. He spilled and spilled himself into her, longer than ever before, as if he’d been holding himself back all the times before now, as if he had let his own inner wall come crumbling down. Forever, forever, forever.
In my smut reading travels I'm becoming a bit of a connoisseur of how orgasms are written, and this right here is just really beautiful. My lovemaking Nessian bbs have my whole romantic heart ❤️
"Nesta had never heard a voice like Gwyn's—by turns trained and wild, as if there was so much sound fighting to break free of Gwyn that she couldn't quite contain it all. As if the sound needed to be loose in the world."
This is how Sarah J. Maas writes artistic expression in her main characters. Aelin. Feyre. Bryce. Nesta. A description of them like this is in every one of their book arcs—where artistic expression originating from that character needs to be in the world.
I don't think SJM gifts this experience, this need to express artistically, to women characters if she doesn't plan to give them the space to tell their own story, where typically artistic expression is a key into who her main characters are and what they need.
Anyone following along from home, here is this exact same kind of moment but for Nesta about dancing, occurring later in ACOSF ch. 57 at the Solstice ball in response to the music of the orchestral players:
"There wasn't enough space inside her for the sound, for all it made her feel—not enough space in her mind, her heart, her body; and all she could do to honor it, worship it, was dance."
The way Sarah J. Maas writes Nesta working through her anxiety, fear, and PTSD triggered by the sound of a fire crackling...the scene in ACOSF ch. 56 where Nesta asks the House to light a fire so Nesta can work through her responses to the sound, and begin to retrain her brain to accept the discomfort and separate the sound from her memory of her father's death......
This is written in a way that tells me SJM has probably experienced something like this before. It's accurate in a way that exceptionally matches my lived experience of having to work through these same things.
And it means the world to me to read a strong, badass main character experience this same thing I do.
A reaction post to Nesta's return to the cottage as I reread ACOSF
To all my ACOTAR ~ ACOSF homies...
The next time you reread the whole series from the beginning, after ACOTAR chapter 3, take a moment to put that book down, pick up ACOSF chapter 55, and flip or scroll to the last stretch of this chapter. Read it.
It starts:
"War had left the cottage untouched. But the harsh winters since Nesta had last seen it had not been so kind."
The last part of ACOSF chapter 55 is Nesta's return to the cottage where she lived with her family at the start of the whole tale in the first book.
Read Nesta's words, both in her own mind and spoken aloud to Cassian, about her rage and sorrow and even about her behavior in that time of her life.
The depth and complexity and raw vulnerability we get in this scene is some of the most powerful strength we see in this book — way more powerful than wielding death magic and cursed trove objects.
She didn’t mean to, but she looked toward the dark fireplace. Toward the mantel. Her father’s wood figurines lay atop it, thickly coated with dust and cobwebs. Some had been knocked over, presumably by whatever creatures now lived here. That familiar roaring filled her ears, and Nesta’s steps thudded too loudly on the dusty floorboards as she approached the fireplace. A carving of a rearing bear—no bigger than her fist—sat in the center. Nesta’s fingers shook as she picked it up and blew off the dust. “He had some skill,” Cassian said quietly. “Not enough,” Nesta said, setting the bear back onto the stone mantel. She was going to vomit. No. She could master this. Master herself. And face what lay before her. She inhaled through her nose. Exhaled through her mouth. Counted the breaths.
Then:
“He made this one for Elain. Since it was winter and she missed the flowers.” “Did he ever make any for you?” “He knew better than to do that.” She inhaled a shuddering breath, held it, released it. Let her mind calm. “I think he would have, if I’d given him the smallest bit of encouragement, but … I never did. I was too angry.” “You’d had your life overturned. You were allowed to be angry.” “That’s not what you told me the first time we met.” She pivoted to find him arching a brow. “You told me I was a piece of shit for letting my younger sister go into the woods to hunt while I did nothing.” “I didn’t say it like that.” “The message was the same.” She squared her shoulders, turning to the small, broken cot in the shadows beyond the fireplace. “And you were right.” He didn’t reply as she strode to the cot. “My father slept here for years, letting us have the bedroom. That bed in there … I was born in that bed. My mother died in that bed. I hate that bed.” She ran a hand over the cracking wood of the cot’s frame. Splinters snagged at her fingertips. “But I hate this cot even more. He’d drag it in front of the fire every night and curl up there, huddling under the blankets. I always thought he looked so … so weak. Like a cowering animal. It enraged me.” “Does it enrage you now?” A casual, but careful question. “It …” Her throat worked. “I thought him sleeping here was a fitting punishment while we got the bed. It never occurred to me that he wanted us to have the bed, to keep warm and be as comfortable as we could. That we’d only been able to take a few items of furniture from our former home and he’d chosen that bed as one of them. For our comfort. So we didn’t have to sleep on cots, or on the floor.” She rubbed at her chest. “I wouldn’t even let him sleep in the bed when the debtors shattered his leg. I was so lost in my grief and rage and … and sorrow, that I wanted him to feel a fraction of what I did.” Her stomach churned. He squeezed her shoulder, but said nothing. “He had to have known that,” she said hoarsely. “He had to have known how awful I was, and yet … he never yelled. That enraged me, too. And then he named a ship after me. Sailed it into battle. I just … I don’t understand why.” “You were his daughter.” “And that’s an explanation?” She scanned his face, the sadness etched there. Sadness—for her. For the ache in her chest and the stinging in her eyes. “Love is complicated.”
My Tumblr is in many ways like a reading journal for me, to document the stuff that lands hard and that I want to remember.
This whole scene is really fucking messy, in a different way from ACOSF chapter 50 by the lake. And yet the two echo each other in how, in both scenes, Nesta is facing things that hurt to face.
There doesn't need to be a perfect resolution to feelings about a really complicated familial relationship like that between Nesta and her father. It isn't going to be resolved with a perfect bow tied on top.
It can, however, be faced, acknowledged, and (eventually) let go.
That this scene demonstrates this is everything. It's validating and real and true.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
"Nesta had never heard a voice like Gwyn's—by turns trained and wild, as if there was so much sound fighting to break free of Gwyn that she couldn't quite contain it all. As if the sound needed to be loose in the world."
This is how Sarah J. Maas writes artistic expression in her main characters. Aelin. Feyre. Bryce. Nesta. A description of them like this is in every one of their book arcs—where artistic expression originating from that character needs to be in the world.
I don't think SJM gifts this experience, this need to express artistically, to women characters if she doesn't plan to give them the space to tell their own story, where typically artistic expression is a key into who her main characters are and what they need.
