#getting personal

ABSOLUTELY! - you see, the 2005 magnavox MSD513F was my childhood crt. though, when i say this i fear it mightve possibly been a magnavox MSD513E, but ill never be sure for reasons you'll see later.

anyways, basically my childhood sweetheart. as an unripe lemon i used to sit down in front of him all day and attempt to carry him. he was wayyyyyyy too heavy, but eventually i got the hang of it.

as you may or may not know, this crt was apart of the TV/DVD combo series of magnavox crts. i would spend every waking hour plopping the same 5, maybe 6, dvds into this guy.

he was essentially my only comfort, my only love, all i ever knew and all i ever had to know. i was in love with him the same way any kid would be. pure stupid love! -- but it was my love; my love to him.

well, of course, one day id have to move out. -- WE, i mean. the entire family, every device, every item! or, thats what i had thought. -- indeed, i had other devices like the playstation portable and playstation vita. i cherished them just as much as the next person, but they were so old they could no longer function. that was alright! i liked them anyways. but oh, my beloved magnavox! nothing could ever replace my magnavox.

well, someone thought otherwise. the family had to move and the morning we had planned to leave. it happened. -- everything i ever loved was gone. my mother had given the electronics to some random neighbor. MY electronics.

she never asked me and she never cared. even as i broke down into tears while we walked down the stairs. she didnt care! "just some old useless junk" she said! -- AS IF!

so i thought as a child, "did my entire life mean NOTHING TO YOU?" maybe an overreaction, but i dont think one could understand the pain of losing someone or something you loved for years and years. or, not when it was a CRT.

now who would lull me to sleep? now whose speakers would i touch that had the texture of grain? now who would endure years of dust that i would gently wipe off? who would have a dvd player so squeaky i could push it back in and out with ease? who would be willing to watch what i watch on repeat? and who would be willing to comfort me in this way? -- this MANNER?

nobody.

nobody!!

nobody!

nobody.

nobody!

nobody.

i can barely see a picture of this model or its sister models without feeling that pang of hurt. that loss. i feel like crying or doing anything with that feeling, but i can't. its just sorrow and emptiness. -- ive lost what i can never have again.

and, oh, the human heart will ache. how it aches so strongly!

will i ever watch your sock puppet shows again? will i ever learn those body parts again? "teach me about the eyes! i love the eyes. let me draw them with you!" but thatll be never again.

ive gotten a small edvd player, but i always feel a little empty whenever i use it. a cold blue start up instead of a flash of light. that amazing static spark when it begins? gone.

how terrible, how terrible! i miss him. and nothing can replace him. i can always get the MSD513E to try and fill that gap, but itll probably always still be there, throbbing here and there as it aches and burns about.

if youve made it this far, fun fact!! i was in love with a specific street lamp at my apartments park when i was younger. thats it. thats the entire fun fact.