Mid-April, everything changed. 

Yes, a lot changed for Dan, but everything changed for Phil. 

The moment he said it, everything changed. 

“Fine!” he shouted that day. “Maybe I like him just a little bit. Maybe I’m a little bit gay. Maybe I’m bi.” 

Everyone sat around the table gaping at Phil when he announced it. They’d all known for ages, so it wasn’t like the announcement was a surprise; the real surprise was the fact that he came out and said it. The entire group was still in awe when the bell rang. Stacy came up to walk beside Dan as Phil bolted off to class, as he’d been doing often lately. “Congrats, Dan,” she said, jokingly. “You turned him.”

Dan laughed at first, but then he got to thinking about it. He took his seat in his next class, staring off into space; it wasn’t like he needed to pay much attention in that class anyway. Instead he repeated Stacy’s words over and over again in his head. Congrats, Dan. You turned him. Did he? He thought back; according to Louise, Phil liked him in August. Nobody even mentioned the concept of Phil being gay in August. Was he the one that made Phil realize he was gay? He must have been. Who else could have. 

Dan sighed, suddenly realizing he was in the middle of a quiet classroom, everyone else taking notes while he was simply sulking. He literally turned Phil gay, yet Phil was pining over all these other boys and Dan was like chopped liver to him. He was simply a bridge. Phil walked right over him into the homosexual life, and then he was completely useless. 

He was completely useless. 

Meanwhile, Phil was having the time of his life. Dan obviously showed no signs of hurt around him; it was just like every other time Phil unknowingly broke his heart in the last year. Dan was dead inside, but he didn’t want it to ruin his friendship with Phil, so he put on a fake smile and pretended to be his usual happy. This time, however, was worse than all the others because Dan couldn’t even attempt to get over him. He was a fish on a hook, and the hook had pierced all the way through his lip. It wasn’t coming out without a hell of a lot of help. 

Phil’s new attitude towards life wasn’t helping much. “I’ve got five bitches now.”

“Five whats?” 

“Bitches.” 

Dan rolled his eyes, finally chiming in to the conversation he’d heard go down for days. “Phil, you don’t have bitches; you are the bitch.” 

“No I’m not!” 

“He’s got a point,” Stacy blurted, her anime nerd side taking over. “There’s no way you’d be a dom.” 

Phil spent the next few minutes sulking about that interaction, but he soon went straight back into his previous narrative. “So I’ve got five bitches. Wanna know who they are?” 

“Sure,” they both said in uninterested unison. 

“Well I’m not going to tell you.” 

Each of them groaned. Dan loved Phil with all of his heart, that’d been overexaggerated already, but man did he get annoying. “I’m assuming one is bus boy and another is shirtless pic kid? I don’t know about the rest.” 

“Well I met one camping in Tennessee, and-” Dan tuned out after that. He really didn’t feel like hearing background stories on people that he didn’t even know if existed who he’d definitely be getting pictures of later. Real pictures? It was a gamble. Besides, he didn’t need to listen to his crush talking about how great his life was while his own was miserable. It wasn’t going to make anything better. Nothing was. Until Alex showed up at the lunch table. 

Dan had been friends with Alex for a while; they’d moved there at the beginning of the school year and became friends with one of Dan’s friends, so they hung out in the same general vicinity in the mornings. They spoke occasionally and had each other’s numbers, but they weren’t the best of friends. All Dan really knew about them is that they were non-binary, depressed, and really missed New Jersey. But that all changed one day in late April. 

“Sup, fuckers,” Alex said, strolling up to the table with Janice. Janice took a seat beside Phil, and Alex sat down beside her. Phil and Stacy immediately looked upset; neither were very big fans of Janice anymore, and they didn’t know Alex very well. Dan, however, was pleased to see them there. 

“Hey guys!” he smiled as they threw their stuff down and joined the lunch line. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Phil asked him angrily. 

“Welcoming them? Don’t be an asshole, Phil, they’re my friends.” Dan turned his glare to Stacy, knowing she’d pipe up next. “You too.” 

Dan was happy. He really was. Over the last couple of weeks, he’d become closer friends with Alex than ever. They didn’t even have any classes together, but he found them becoming one of his best friends. Every day before lunch, he’d wait at his classroom to see their bright, purple backpack bouncing down the hall to meet him, and they’d make their way to the cafeteria together. It seemed like they filled the void that Phil’s rejection left, just in their idiocy. Dan really needed that. 

But Alex couldn’t fix anything. They couldn’t fix Phil still constantly screaming about his “bitches”, which there were now seven of. They couldn’t fix the fact that every time someone said something about Phil being gay he’d put on a high pitched voice like a rabid squirrel and go “I’m bi!” And they definitely couldn’t fix the war going on inside Dan’s own head. 

It was about midway through the month of May when Dan had a realization. He thought back six years to second grade, which was one of the scariest times of his life. That was when he started feeling... different. He started liking this boy, but looking around he felt like that was dirty, like he wasn’t supposed to like boys. Of course, he grew into the ability to understand and accept his sexuality, but at the time it terrified him. And all this was because in second grade, he had his first crush. And that crush was on Phil. 

He’d forgotten for so many years. Well, he hadn’t really forgotten; it just didn’t matter until then. He liked Phil all the way back in second grade, and now he was desperately in love with him. And that was when he got mad. Phil was the one that made him realize his sexuality, and Dan was the one that made Phil realize his. Dan liked him six years ago! He wasn’t going to let that slip away! He pulled his phone out of his pocket, determination written on his face as he shot a text to Louise. 

It’s time to get scheming again. But this time, no subtlety. We’re telling him I like him. 

Dan seemed to live two different lives for the final days of the school year. The first was with his friends at the lunch table, and the second was with Louise, trying to figure out what he could do about his crush on Phil. Usually he spent his days in the first and his nights in the second. One day, in late May, as the school year was drawing to a close, Alex wasn’t at school because they were sick, so the lunch table returned to its usual annoyance. “I don’t like Alex and Janice,” Phil said. 

“Yeah, me neither,” Stacy chimed in, piping up for the first time in days. 

“What? They’re some of my best friends!” 

“Well we don’t like them, and we don’t want them sitting here.” 

“Okay, I get it,” Dan said, anger starting to settle in. “They’re a bit crazy. But they’re really good friends of mine, and there’s only a week left in the school year, so they’re going to sit here whether you like it or not, got it?” 

Stacy sighed, putting in an earbud. “Learn to put your real friends first, Dan.” was all she said. 

Dan left the lunchroom concerned about his friend group that day. He loved Phil and Stacy; the three had been an inseparable trio for a year now. But he wasn’t going to kick Janice and Alex out; they were his best friends too. He knew Phil and Stacy weren’t exactly the most warmhearted people, but he didn’t know they so strongly disliked his other friends. Thankfully, there was only a week left of school. 

But then again, there was only a week left of school. 

Only a week left to tell Phil how he felt. Only a week left to make Louise do it. 

We’re running out of time, Louise. Dan’s phone was on night mode, and the clock at the top of the screen read 12:03. Usually he didn’t sneak on his phone that late on school nights, but it was important. You need to tell him on the bus ride home tomorrow.

As usual, she gave the same excuse she’d been giving all week. I don’t know if I can get him to sit with me. 

Just try, okay?

Fine. But it probably won’t happen. 

She wasn’t wrong. They had the same conversation every night for the next week until they stood side by side in the band room on the second to last day of school. It was the last for Dan, since he was exempt and was skipping exam day. “You have to do it today.” 

“Or tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sure, but I mean it. Today, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

Dan arrived home half an hour later and pulled his phone out, his thumbs moving like lightning to text Louise. Did you do it? 

Nope. He didn’t sit with me. 

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Tomorrow, okay. This is seriously our last chance, please man. 

I’ll try.

Dan regretted not going to school on the last day very quickly. Yes, he enjoyed the alone time, but he had all summer for that. Meanwhile, the rest of his friends were having the time of their lives. His algebra class even had popsicles. 

At lunch, Phil convinced Dan to FaceTime him. Apparently they couldn’t go one day without him at lunch. Dan was pleased to see that Alex and Janice were sitting with him and Stacy; it was a sigh of relief that they hadn’t pushed them away. They chatted for half an hour before the four of them went back to class and Dan went back to his relaxation. He really did wish he was there; they all seemed to be having so much fun on the last day. Then, around the time classes let out, he got a text from Stacy. 

Phil hugged us goodbye!

No way. Phil hates hugs! They’re too intimate. 

He did!

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I missed my only chance at ever getting to hug Phil? 

Sorry, bro. Shoulda come to school. 

Dan tossed his phone on his bed and sighed. At least he still had Louise. Around the time when he assumed she’d be getting home, he frantically texted. 

Did you do it? 

...No...

WHY NOT? 

There were too many people around!

You should have done it anyway!

Sorry...

“take me back when our world was one block wide. i dared you to kiss me and ran when you tried. just two kids; you and i. oh my, my, my.”

“tag!”

“hey no fair!”

the voices rang out through six year old dan howell’s backyard. it was a normal scene. the two were chasing each other back and forth around the yard while their parents conversed inside over coffee; you know, boring grown up stuff. the two young boys could often be found wrestling and covered in mud by the time the day was over. out of breath, the two fell on the green grass, laughing and trying to catch their breath.

“hey phil.” the younger one began. “i dare you to eat that worm.” he continued pointing to the inch worm making it’s way across the ground. “ew dan! no way!” phil giggled. “i dare you to eat the dirt, dan.” phil proposed. “gross!” dan sneered. it was silent for a minute while dan tried to think of something that was even more gross than worms or dirt.

“i dare you to kiss me.”

“dan ew! kissing is gross! plus. two boys can’t kiss.” dan only smiled. “yeah kissing gives you cooties, my mom says. but i have a friend who has two daddies and he says they kiss sometimes.”

“you can have two daddies?!”

“apparently.”

“weird.”

——

‘i was sixteen when suddenly i wasn’t that little boy you used to see, but your eyes still shined like pretty lights’

“bye mom!” dan called as he rushed out the door without another word. it was the weekend and he wasn’t going to waste any time at home. phil’s house wasn’t too far away - about a twenty minute walk which he made nearly every day after school. dan’s parents were starting to get a little suspicious, but he wasn’t really worried. they used to make jokes about the two boys falling in love - never really believing it would happen.

dan arrived at the house and invited himself in like he did most days, seeing as his parents weren’t home. he made his way up the stairs and called out phil’s name, letting him know he was there. he made his way to phil’s room and walked through the open door, smiling like an idiot at the site of the black haired boy sprawled out on his bed fast asleep.

dan reached down and gently shook the older boy into wakefulness. “mind if i lay with you?” dan asked, to which phil only incoherently mumbled. dan took it as a yes and placed a kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek, settling in next to him and sleeping the day away.

——

‘take me back to the time we had our very first fight. slamming the doors instead of kissing goodnight. you stayed outside, ’til the morning light.’

“dan wait!” the black haired boy called as the younger one stormed out of his house. “don’t talk to me.” dan snapped, obviously annoyed phil was following him on the walk back to his house. “why the hell didn’t you tell me you were going to uni all the way in manchester, phil?! why didn’t you give me time to prepare?” dan yelled, wiping stray tears away with his hoodie sleeve.

when dan had arrived at phil’s house, he had seen phil’s acceptance letter on the table and phil was going to be leaving for uni in two weeks. dan couldn’t bare the thought of being without phil, but right now he was hurt…and mad.

“stop following me! i want to be by myself.”

“bear, let me expl-“ 

“don’t fucking ‘bear’ me right now, phil.”

the rest of the walk home was silent as phil stayed in tow right behind dan; only getting the occasional glare. he was planning on telling dan, he really was, but he needed time to process it too. it’s not like he wanted to be away from dan.

the sun had set and dan had been in his house for over three hours, not bothering to come see phil - who was still sat on his front porch - no matter how many rocks phil threw at his window. the floor of the porch wasn’t that comfy, but he needed dan to know how much he cared.

the sun rose and a sore, achey phil tried once more to get dan’s attention. five minutes of throwing rocks at dan’s bedroom window and the front door opened, revealing a very tired and cried-out looking dan.

after some coaxing the rest of the morning was spent holding dan and telling him how manchester wasn’t that far away and he would see him on the weekends and they would skype every night. it wasn’t long before a few lazy kisses made everything alright.

——

‘a few years had come and gone around we were sitting at our favorite spot in town.

you looked at me;

got down on one knee’

to say phil was nervous was an understatement. he had already talked to dan’s mom and dad and they were elated and even helped phil with the plan. it was going to be simple and beautiful.

phil was in his last year of uni and was spending the weekend with his boyfriend back down south. phil dragged an unwilling dan to their very favorite coffee shop and despite being a nervous, stuttering mess, dan didn’t catch onto anything.

phil had the ring for a while now. it was a simple silver band with their initials carved in the inside of it. he hoped dan would love it….or at least say yes. oh god, he hoped he would say yes.

they finished their cups of coffee and phil stood up, taking dan’s hand. “let’s go on a walk, yeah?” he asked, nervously pushing his fringe out of his eyes. the two found themselves in the park, which wasn’t crowded at this time of day, thank god. phil couldn’t bare to have anyone see him get rejected by the man he loved.

sat on a bench, phil took dan’s hand.

“you know dan, i’ve loved you you’re whole life. from the very first time i heard that someone could have two daddies, i knew i wanted that for us. i knew you were special and i knew i wanted you forever and ever and no one else. so i guess what i’m trying to ask is….”

he swiftly got down on one knee, opening the small box.

“oh my god, phil” dan gasped with his hand over his mouth.

“daniel james howell, will you marry me?”

“yes, phil! oh my god. yes, phil!”

——

‘take me back to the time we walked down the aisle, the whole town came and our mama’s cried. you said i do, and i did too.’

the wedding was simple, just how the two of them wanted it. it was in the church their parents attended and everyone they loved was there to support them. the two of them walked hand in hand down the aisle and shakily gave their vows, but not without some tears thrown in there for good measure.

the reception was nice, but all they really wanted was some alone time, this was their night and they were tired of sharing it. while the dj was in full swing, they made their way to the field in the back of the church and just sat, looking at the stars.

“can you believe it, phil? we’re married. after all this time.” phil only gave a dopey smile, leaning in the kiss his husband. “i love you, dan.” he mumbled against the boy’s lips. “and that suit looks so good on you… i bet it’d look better off of you, though.” he said, his hand on dan’s thigh.

dan only rolled his eyes. “you horny bastard. we’ll have plenty of time for that tonight. but c’mon. everyone’s probably looking for us.” dan said standing up, extending his hand to help phil off the ground. hand in hand, they walked back to the reception, only each other on their mind.

——

‘take me back to the house where we met so many years before, we’ll rock our babies on that very front porch, after all this time, oh my, my, my.”

dan’s parents had moved up north to retire, so dan and phil had bought their house. it had only seemed natural. it’s where they met, it’s where they played, and it’s where they fell in love with each other. it only made sense for it to be the house where they start their family.

the sun was setting and dan was sat on a rocker on the porch, a dark headed newborn wrapped up in his arms. he couldn’t contain his smile, looking down at the baby boy he had phil were parents to. his thoughts were ripped away from him when a brown headed toddler stampeded out the door exclaiming that ‘papa said it was time for dinner.’ dan smiled and followed him inside, laying the sleeping newborn in his crib before making his way to the wonderful dinner his husband made.

later on that night, the kids were both in bed and dan and phil were tangled up in each other in a mess of limbs. the room was dark and the only noise dan could hear was the steady breathing of phil who was passed out next to him.

how was he so lucky that he had his best friend and the man of his dreams? how was he so lucky that he had a family with him? he had two beautiful children and a life that some people could only wish for.

he didn’t know how it happened, but he was sure glad it did.

——