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 â-Uhmmm yes and thank you for the request???
-Of kriffing COURSE Iâll do a pt 3!
-I love asks, they make my day so thank you so much!!
-the beginning is inspired by something that actually happened to me today (but itâs greatly exaggerated in this. promise.)
PREVIOUS PART
WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF DEATH, ABUSE, HOSPITALIZATION.
The first thing that hits your nose is a sharp scent, like toast thatâs been overcooked. You frown to yourself, dropping your pencil on the dining table as Fives follows your gaze. âWhatâs that smell?â you inquire. He shoots up from the couch, darting into the kitchen with a low hiss. âMaker!âÂ
You frown. That canât be good. âFives, did you put something in the toaster?â You donât get an answer straight away, and maybe itâs better that way. When itâs silent for too long, you get up from your seat, ignoring the screeching of your chair against the wooden floorboards. âFives, donât tell me you--â
Everything you assumed youâd see would have been so much better. Burnt toast. Water boiling over the sides of a pot. Overcooked ramen thatâs too soggy to swallow. The bright flames licking at your stove and overflowing to the L-shaped counters is so much worse. How did this happen?, you wonder to yourself. Just what had Fives been up to while you were studying for an exam?Â
Heâs suddenly shouting at you to do something as he fans the fire. It grows in size and heâs screaming, but itâs hard to hear him over pounding in your head. Thatâs when you hear the smoke detector. That familiar beep beep beep beep sound that always went off unconventionally. You never guessed it could have been right, not until now.Â
The words finally fall from your mouth: âCall 911!âÂ
âWhatâs the number?!â Fives cries. You speed past him, whipping out your phone and turning on the sink. The numbers displayed on the screen flash before your eyes, and as Fives dumps water over the hot flames, you calmly speak into your phone. Itâs as if youâve been trained for this, for a life-or-death situation that would most definitely break you in the long run.Â
You were already broke as it was, paying for bills on your own and the college debt that left you waist-deep in nothing. After your mum had been hospitalised due to her condition, youâve been on your own, with only Fives as that little bit of domestic support. He couldnât work, not when he didnât have a passport, proof of his citizenship, or really of his existence as a whole.Â
After all, he was technically still a âfictional characterâ.
When the fire department arrive, you and Fives already have the fire out. It was a miracle that the fire hadnât spread to the rest of your home, but still a complete loss for your poor stove and toaster.Â
âIâm sorry...âÂ
You turn to Fives and cup his cheek. His eyes are downcast as you run your fingers against his smooth skin. He feels guilty, that much you can tell, but you canât blame him. You simply donât have the strength to when you are oh so tired. âI bet it was a malfunction in the machinery.â you quietly answer. âItâs not your fault, love.âÂ
He meets your gaze with doe-like eyes that remind you just how young he is on the inside. âBut I--â
You shut him down with a peck on the lips and link your hands in his. When the firemen are done inspecting the house for any possible flames you mightâve missed, you walk back inside and give your mum a ring. She doesnât care much about the house. Itâs all you and Fives that matters, just as any parent should think. Youâre grateful she isnât angry, and more so that she tells you insurance will cover everything just fine.Â
The next week go smoothly. You pass your test with flying colours, your mumâs health is as stable as ever, and the house recovers with the help of insurance. The only issue you have left is the aching pain in your chest.Â
Whenever you pass that stupid TV, all broken with the cracks and dark memories, it hurts. You know it shouldnât when your father is locked away in jail, but it does, for what could have been. If your father werenât such a jerk, then maybe you could have what you see on TV. The family where the father comes home with the mother after work, and they greet their children with smiles and hugs and kisses and âI love youâs that youâll never be able to hear.Â
Fives isnât blind to the pain you carry. He sees it as clear as day, yet itâs almost impossible for him to make it go away. The most he can ever do is ease it, no matter how hard he tries.Â
Today youâre wrapped in his arms on the couch with a Spotify playlist in the background blaring through a small speaker. Itâs quiet, save for the faint melody of a song you never cared to learn the name of.Â
âIâm sorry,â you suddenly say. Fives perks up at the solemn tone in your voice and brings you closer to his chest. âWhat are you sorry for?â You glance at the broken TV, then the empty house with a long sigh. âThis.â You say it as if âthisâ explains everything. It doesnât, and Fives knits his brows together.Â
âIf anyone should be sorry, itâs me.â he says. âI canât work, I donât have an education. Itâs not like I can join the military either when Iâm not even supposed to exist here.â He rests his head on top of yours and your shoulders slump. âI wish I could help you more.â By âmoreâ you know he means âsoothe the pain in your heartâ. You donât say anything though, and thatâs because youâre still tired.Â
You lean against his chest and close your eyes. His heartbeat is your bacta today. It helps to ease your mind knowing that heâs here every step of the way. He wonât leave you. Never.
Beep! Beep!
Your eyes snap open and you sit up. Fives hands you your vibrating phone, his secure arm still around your shoulders. You tap on the screen and place the speaker to your ear. âHello?â
âIs this (Y/f/n)?â
âYes.â
âYou were the only contact on the list, so I thought it would be fitting to call. Iâm really sorry, but (M/f/n) has passed at eleven fifty-two P.M. Iâm sorry for your--âÂ
The phone slips out of your hands. You canât bear to hear the rest because it hurts too much. After being on your own with the bills, the money, college--everything, itâs like a smack to the face, the final breaking point that sends you over the edge.Â
Fives doesnât need to hear your voice to know what happened. Heâs seen that face too many times to count that itâs ingrained in his mind like the very tattoo on his forehead. Your eyes well and you practically throw your arms around him. âFives...Fives...âÂ
âItâs okay.â he gently says. âIâm still here.â He is all you have left with your parents gone. Youâve been thrown into this wayside world, where nothing is perfect and nothing goes right, but Fives is here. Heâs still here.Â
You donât remember closing your eyes, or falling asleep against Fivesâs chest, but when you open your eyes, all that sticks is fear. The staple screeches of blaster fire and charges blare in your ears as you rake yourself off the dark ground. You arenât wearing your PJs, but a nice pair of Jedi robes you were sure you hadnât ever seen in your life.Â
The bodies at your feet make you feel sick, and not because the lifeless corpses arenât moving, but because you can practically feel the absence of warmth they were supposed to exude.Â
âGET DOWN!â
Arms are around you again, and as dirt and grass and branches of odd plants fly past by, you tumble to the ground in a heap. Itâs hard to see through the dark haze the planet provided, but you know it's Fives who saved you. That much you can tell by the pressure of his grip and the shake of his breath. He hauls you somewhere off to the side, a little further away from the front lines as his brothers barrel past him.Â
â(Y/n).â He grips your shoulders. Hard. You stare up at his frantic eyes, bewildered, and frankly, scared. You could have died, or worse, ended up a mangled mess as you died a slow, painful death. âWhere--what--we were just--?â
âI donât know.â he says. âBut I guess youâre a Jedi.â His gaze falls on the lightsaber swinging from your belt. âCan you...?â You unclip the cool metal that feels so right in your hands. Itâs not too light, and not too heavy, as if it were tailored for you and only you.Â
The mesmerising (colour) light of your saber shines upon your face as you thumb it on. Fives sends you a reassuring nod as he throws on his bucket and whips out a blaster. âYouâre a fast learner, you can do this Cyarâika." You take one glance at the explosions to your left and nearly freeze. Youâre a fast learner? You can do this cyarâika? What kind of nonsense was Fives spewing?Â
Learning how to cook was different from fighting for your kriffing life.Â
Fives doesnât give you much time to think as you swing around you lightsaber. Youâre running on pure muscle memory now, from all the times you had to run in gym, all the times you played around with your plastic lightsaber. Who knew any of that would come in handy?Â
Itâs a miracle youâre even able to block the incoming blaster bolts, as if you had done this for years and not five seconds.Â
â(Y/n)!âÂ
Your shoulders tense. That wasnât Fives, it was Anakin Skywalker. He blocks a few blaster bolts and motions for you to come to him. You do, slicing a droid down its middle like it were warm butter. â(Y/n),â Anakin says again, âwhere were you? Iâve been looking for you for the past fifteen minutes!â
âUh...I...â
Anakin glances at the confused look on your face and you feel like youâve just disappointed him. A frown bursts onto his face like heâs just seen the galaxyâs worst disappointment: you. âWhatâs wrong? Did you hit your head?â He doesnât give you time to answer. He already knows you have no idea whatâs going on, as if an invisible tie connected your thoughts to his.Â
But of course he knew, he was a Jedi.Â
Suddenly, his eyes widen. He nearly drops his lightsaber as he tackles you to the ground, panting, silently begging for time to be on his side. At first, you canât feel anything, but as soon as your arm twitches, itâs there: a burn and sharp pain like youâve never felt before. Anakinâs lips move, but you canât hear a word that comes out of his mouth.Â
You want to cry, to gasp out in pain, but itâs too much, and you black out.Â
Pain. Thatâs the first thing you feel as you sit up with a low hiss. âGlad youâre awake Commander.â Your eyes are wide as you meet Kixâs comforting smile. Although you sense a flicker of joy, thereâs a heavy weight on his shoulders you understand. Heâs stressed, but not just about your condition, but his brothersâ and everyone else his heart could reach. He was a healer, just as you were supposed to be.Â
âYou took a nasty hit there, but youâll be good as new.â he said. âGive it a few weeks or so.â You ripped your gaze from his and took in the sights of the hazy planet. After being thrust into the mayhem, you finally realise just where in the galaxy you were. âKix, this is Umbara, right?â you inquire. He knits his brows together and you just know heâs beyond concerned for your health.Â
âYeah,â he slowly replies, âwhy?â You shrug, but he clearly doesnât want to let you off the hook. Not when youâre needed on the battlefield for a campaign you know will go south. âNo reason.âÂ
âI swear if you have amnesia...â He trails off and meets your eyes, as if searching for a sign to reassure him that he wouldnât have another thing thrown on his plate. âCommander, if I may ask, do you remember what our mission is?âÂ
âTo...capture the Umbaran base not too far from here?âÂ
Kix frowns. Heâs disturbed, as if you told a gory horror story. For a second, you wonder why, but then it hits you like a rock in the face. Anakin saved you, and the orders you relayed just now hadnât been announced until after his departure, when Krell arrived right after. âWait, no--I mean--Kix, I can explain. Fives and I, weâre--â You try to sit up, but he forces you to sit back against a tree trunk.Â
âI think you should sit down for a little.â he said. âJust...give it a minute Commander. Maybe youâre in shock.âÂ
âIf you donât mind me asking, whereâs Fives?â Your open-ness with Kix surprises you, but you blame it on how many times youâve re-watched the Clone Wars on Disney Plus as a distraction from your piling college debt. He frowns again just like before. âFives? I havenât seen him since--â
â(Y/n)!âÂ
Oh that voice. You could spot that even among his own brothers. âFives!â you exclaim. Heâs already at your side, staring at the bandage covering the wound on your shoulder. âHow is it?â he inquires. You shrug. âI thought it would be worse, but itâs okay.â Youâre fighting hard to keep from wincing and Fives can see it. âKix did an outstanding job.â You nod towards the medic, who remains in his spot wide-eyed.Â
Kix knows something is wrong. Since when were you and Fives so close? Let alone so...touchy?Â
âCyarâika, youâre really bad at hiding that youâre in pain. I can see it.â
Kixâs jaw goes slack. Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no. He doesnât say anything as Fives grasps your hand in his because heâs still processing everything. When had you both been in a relationship? When had this even happened? What did he have for breakfast this morning? His memory is all hazy and he knows something isnât right.Â
âFives,â he slowly begins, âwhen...â Kix canât bear to finish the sentence. If anyone found out, he could be court-martialled or even wiped of his memory or executed. He couldnât let that happen to his brother. Not after Echo. Not after all the suffering he endured.Â
Fives suddenly releases your hand. His expression goes blank as he meets Kixâs gaze. âPlease, you canât tell anyone.â Thereâs a graveness in his voice that matches the solemn tone of the planet, as if heâs expecting a lurking enemy around the bend. Kix wants to say more. He wants to lecture Fives and his Commander about how dangerous this predicament was, but he canât.Â
Not when they were looking at him like that. Like their lives depended on it.
âAlright.â he finally says. âI promise.âÂ
When Kix gives the âokayâ sign for (Y/n) to get up, she follows Fives out from behind the cover of the trees. Kix eyes the closeness of their hands, the way their shoulders seem to brush every now and then, and the whispers lost to the wind.Â
âI canât believe this...â he mumbles to himself. He rips his gaze away from his friends and walks over to check on the wounded.
You arenât sure what to do as you pass a few members of the 501st. Some salute you while others continue their tasks. Everything you thought you knew about this arc suddenly goes down the drain. What was going on? Did Anakin already leave? Who were you to these men? To this world?Â
â(Y/n)!âÂ
Anakin jogs over to your side, placing a hand on your uninjured shoulder comfortingly. He furrows his brows as you knit your own as a subtle sign of confusion. âIâve been looking everywhere for you,â he says. âKix told me youâd be fine. He said it was just a graze.â Anakin pauses for a moment and frowns. âWhatâs wrong? I sense your confusion.âÂ
Wonderful. He senses your confusion.Â
âI...â You glance at Fives, but heâs just as clueless as you. Anakinâs hand leaves your shoulder and wraps around a lightsaber on his belt. He hands the beautiful hilt to you, that frown still plastered on his lips. âYou know, if anything is wrong, you can always tell me. Iâm your master, Iâm supposed to help you.â
Wait, what?Â
âItâs kind of my job.âÂ
You almost have the urge to smile, but that last bit about him being your master just hits you in the wrong way. Did that mean you stole Ahsokaâs role? Itâs suddenly hard to look Anakin in the eye. Even though he was trying to make you feel better, it only made you feel worse.Â
Anakinâs lips twitch upward into a reassuring smile and he breaks from your side. âBy the way, we move out in the next fifteen minutes.âÂ
The next hour is a complete hell of blaster fire, grenades, and death. Youâve never fought one day in your life, and a part of you wishes you hadnât. What you know will haunt you forever are the screams of those who fight a war they never had a say in.Â
After a group of Y-wing bombers swoop in as assistance, Krell comes planetside. Heâs taller in real life and much more intimidating than the screen could ever capture. A lingering coldness seems to sink in your bones as he waltzes out of the gunship. You glance at Anakin, but heâs already greeting Krell with a grateful look on his face you just want to slap away.Â
âMaster Krell,â he says. âThanks for the air support.â Krell inclines his head respectfully. âIndeed General. The locals have proven to be more resourceful than we anticipated.â Something inside you tells you to stay alert. It might have been the Force, but you canât tell. Krellâs very presence seemed to cloud your mind and you could only assume this was the power of the Dark Side.Â
It was so much worse than described in the books or movies and shows. The sensation left you feeling cold and overwhelmed with fear youâve never felt before. It seemed today, you were learning more than your puny brain could handle.
Anakin raises a brow at Krell. âBut thatâs not the reason for your visit.â Krell shakes his head. âNo. The Council has ordered you back to Coruscant, effective immediately.â Anakinâs brows shoot upward. You can feel the surprise and blatant worry without having to see his face. âWhat?â he exclaims. âWh-why?â
Krell crosses his arms across his chest. âIâm afraid a request has been made by the Supreme Chancellor and the council obliged. That is all they would tell me.â You purse your lips together and glance at Anakin, who in turn glances at you. âWell I canât just leave my men and my padawan.â
âIâll be taking over in the interim.â answers Krell. His tone comes out rather pushy, like heâs practically itching to take charge and put the 501st to death. The mere thought of what would happen after Anakinâs leave makes you shrink back. Itâs a silent plea to your master not to go, but as everyone around here knows, orders are orders, even if theyâre questionable.Â
Rex glances at you and then Anakinâs troubled expression. âDonât worry about a thing, Sir.â he dutifully says. âWeâll have the city under Republic control by the time youâre back.â Anakin takes it upon himself to introduce the Captain to Krell, who in turn gives a simple âgood to hear thatâ and wishes Skywalker well.Â
Anakin turns to you and offers a comforting smile. For a moment, it makes the cold recede into warmth and love and light. âI know youâll do fine.â He pats your shoulder in a silent telling to relax. âMaster Krell, know that my padawan is more than capable both on and off the battlefield.â
âOf course.â You canât tell if heâs sneering or not. His face is practically glued in a never ending scowl. âI will keep that in mind.â Anakin gives you one last nod and marches off to the gunship. You watch as it soars away, further and further until itâs hidden beneath the thick fog of the planet.Â
Rex makes his way over to Krellâs side. He says something, but you arenât paying attention--well, until Krell speaks.Â
âI find it very interesting, Captain,â he begins, âthat you are able to recognise the value of honour for a clone.â Your eyes widen. Oh the nerve.Â
âStand at attention when I address you.â Krell adds. Rexâs shoulders stiffen and it takes all your willpower not to scream. You glance at the other boys silently watching the exchange with bated breath. They followed Rexâs display, keeping their shoulders back and heads tilted at a perfect ninety-degree angle. You frown to yourself as Krell looks down upon your men. âWith all due respect Master Krell--âÂ
He glances at you like youâre nothing more than the dirt beneath his feet. âNo respect is due when you are interrupting me, Padawan (L/n). It would do you well to know where your place stands.â You open your mouth to say something, but Krell is already talking again. âHave all platoons ready to move out immediately.â He marches somewhere far from your sights and you really donât care where in the galaxy heâs going as long as itâs away from you. âThat is all.â
Fives sends you a look that you canât even begin to explain. You sigh and it takes all your willpower not to say something snarky. Krellâs appearance was expected along with his terrible display of violence, but it wouldnât have ever occurred to either of you that youâd be here to see it.
âHeâs more of a jerk than I thought...â you whisper to yourself. Rex knits how brows together. He looks like he wants to chime in, but the swift flash of conflict in his heart tells him otherwise. It just wasnât what a soldier was supposed to do. You were no soldier though, much less a Jedi Padawan at that.Â
Why should that matter? If you were here, on Umbara where all the wrongs could never be fixed by the rights, then you couldnât think about not knowing what to do. Here, you were someone, not a nobody struggling through college or scraping by with whatever dollars you could spare. Here, you had people who relied on you to lead them to victory. To another day.Â
These men, these boys--they were bound to suffer a fate they had no say in because of the chips, because of Palpatine, because of all the corruption you saw on screen. Now, all this was more than a show. You were in it with living, breathing people. You wouldnât let them down.Â
âRex.â You turn to face him and lower your voice. Even if youâve never spoke to him, interacted with him, or even looked him in the eyes like you do now, you speak to him like a friend, as if youâve known him for all the years the war raged on.Â
âI donât trust Master Krell.â you quietly begin. âI know youâve heard good things about his...accomplishments, but that doesnât mean we can follow him blindly into battle. If somethingâs up with his tactics, I wonât hesitate to change them. Iâm not very good at that though, so Iâm relying on you to help me.âÂ
He doesnât even hesitate to nod. âYes, Sir. You have my word.â His trust and loyalty to you outranks the amount heâd give to Krell on every single level possible. Itâs something you thought youâd never see--devotion to a single cause, a single person, in the face of battle. The only other person you had seen such loyalty in is Fives, but now, youâre beginning to understand the pattern, or rather, culture.Â
You heave in a deep breath and break from his intense gaze. âThank you Rex, I really...I really appreciate it.â He seems to understand your unease and puts it upon himself to round up the platoons. âAlright boys!â he shouts. âYou heard the Commander! Come on, letâs get a move on!â
Good man, that Rex.
---Â
Marching. That is what youâve been doing for the past five hours, and if you remember correctly, youâll be at it for another ten. It was a miracle you werenât as worn as you could have been, but you guessed it was because of Fivesâs energy. It kept you in step, in line with the rest of your men.
âSo I say to her, baby you--â
Cue a long line of sighs and groans. âWhat is with you vod?â inquires Jesse. âYouâre not charming Hardcase.â Kix bumps shoulders with Jesse. âNeither are you. Your cheesy jokes scare people away.â Hardcase sends Kix a funny look. âNot like youâre any better Mr. Pretty Boy, you donât even carry lotion on you.âÂ
Hardcase, Jesse and Fives burst into a tough fit of giggles. Kix goes silent for a moment, heaving in a sharp breath before actually laughing. You gape at him. Itâs impossible to even begin imagining the stress heâs under after seeing so many of his brothers die in his arms. Heâs a medic, but with that comes a responsibility greater than holding up the sky.Â
âYouâre right about that.â Kix admits with another chuckle. âBut at least I can read five textbooks in my spare time without getting bored.â Fives rolls his eyes and you almost smile. âLike thatâs anything to brag about. Our Commander here can probably read ten.â You glance at Fives, who you can just tell is grinning madly under that bucket. âNo I canât.â
âUh, yeah you can.â he sassily replies. âThrow a few reports on top of it and a due date, too. Sheâs amazing.â You glance at Kix, sensing his curiosity that seems to bloom as soon as your eyes meet his. Hardcase and Jesse are quick to catch on, glancing between you and Fives like it were a tennis match.Â
âHmm... Somethingâs not right here.â Jesse comments, peering at Fives. You want to glare at your boyfriend, but how can you stay mad at him? Heâs absolutely right about you and you know it.Â
Kix sends you both a look that clearly says, âare you gonna tell them?â. Now you glance at Fives, who then glances at you, which finally makes you turn to Kix and then the two curious boys. Jesse suddenly stumbles over a rock, not because heâs clumsy, but because heâs shocked.Â
Oh no.
âNot to be intrusive, but are you...?â Jesse tapped the air, as if connecting the dots. âNo way. No way. Does anyone, you know, know?â Everyone eyes Rex, whoâs only a couple meters up front. As if written in a book, Rex turns to look over his shoulder, his gaze so happening to zero on you and Fives.Â
âWhy are you such a loud mouth Jesse?!â Fives whisper-screamed. You face-palm. âThat wouldnât have happened in the first place if we had, I donât know, whispered?â
âHow was I supposed to know? I didnât think I was actually--â
âQuiet back there.â Rexâs steady voice orders. He slows his pace to match your own, tilting his line of view towards the group of rigid boys. âIf you keep that up, youâll find out a lot faster that not everyone is good at keeping secrets.â And with that, he nods your way, picking up the pace to settle back in his old spot.
Hardcase looks between his brothers and you. âI still donât get it.âÂ
You smile at him weakly. Itâs all you can muster. Fivesâs hand brushes yours; a silent sign of comfort. You look up at him, and even with that bucket, you know heâs smiling like you put all the stars up in the sky. All you know in that moment is if you were him, and he were you, neither of you would survive.Â
The galaxy is big, but the universe is wide.
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And I'ma scream and shout for what I love, passionate, but I don't give no fucks. I admit that I'm a lil' messed up, but I can hide it when I'm all dressed up. I'm obsessive and I love too hard, good at overthinking with my heart. How you even think it got this far, this far? And I can be needy, way too damn needy.