#hetgnc relationship

Embrace your virago feelings for men, but don’t be so blinded by them that you miss signs he doesn't care about you. Embrace your virago instinct to give and initiate, but be careful not to allow others to take advantage of you for it.

I was in an embarrassing long-term situationship (yeah... long-term situationship) with this guy I was pretty sure was some flavor of HetGNC. His flustered face and demeanor gave away that he had a little crush on me, but he was incredibly shy and so, HetGNC or not, I knew I’d need to be the one making the moves for it to go anywhere.

I was absolutely fine with that, even happy about it, being how I am. However...

While I had been under the impression the whole time that he was "just super into me and wanting me to be the one initiating," eventually it became clear that what he really wanted was a low-maintenance casual girlfriend, or something. Sure, yeah, he'd bat his eyelashes at me and follow me around like a lost puppy and look at me with starry eyes, and he was actually the one to reach out to me initially... but he'd also leisurely take a couple of days to text me back, half the time he was "too busy" to hang out, and eventually, to no one’s surprise but mine, he ghosted me when things got too serious. I'd been led on. Found out later I wasn't even his type. (Shocking: it was “Butchest woman Twitter can handle.”)

Lesson learned:

Sometimes a guy is HetGNC. But sometimes he’s just not that into you. The difference is in whether he's putting in effort to make sure your emotional needs are being met too. Being a virago doesn't mean you can't need anything from a partner, especially something as basic as attention or appreciation.

Yeah! I think it’s very frustrating that the current universal assumption seems to be that attraction to men makes someone feminine, and that there is one way attraction to men feels like (“wow he’s so powerful, I love how feminine he makes me feel!” or something).

I COMPLETELY understand what you mean!!!! That impulse to impress him, the desire to seem all tough and capable and smart (and in more of like a ‘knightly’ way than a ‘girlboss’ way?), the insatiable need to keep him safe (…even if he isn’t in danger 🤣) And etc. And personally, I love to buy flowers, take him on dates, I love being called handsome, being big spoon. I love being a “boyfriend” to my boyfriend.

I will say it definitely makes for a notable and very confusing experience when you’re attracted to men in a masculine way, because… no one ever talks about that being a thing that can even happen 😂

It’s also a beautiful experience, though. Even if the ignorance of society at large can feel heavy— personally, now that I understand it more and embrace it, it’s grown to be a part of my identity that I genuinely love and have pride in. I’ve really enjoyed being able to share that positivity with others through this blog, so thank you for being part of that!! I might be the one running this blog, but it’s the people who interact with it that keep it alive 🖤

P.s. Idk if this was your experience or not Anon, but the way that mainstraight cishet men tend to respond negatively to masculine attraction from women is like… A Whole Entire Topic that I have several posts planned for 😅 I have so much more to say about it but to keep it brief for now since I’ve already rambled so much haha:

1) Nobody talks about how hurtful that can be!!!!

And 2) I want everyone to know that there are men out there who will understand, there are men out there who will not just tolerate the way you’re attracted to men but love it, or even search and long for it too even before they meet you.

Apart from the fact that I just don’t particularly enjoy recreational shopping the way a lot of (usually fem) people do… I also have a lot of bad memories from my youth of shopping with my very frustrated, very stern-eyed, very controlling, very gncphobic mom.

Cue my boyfriend, who loves shopping. It’s one of his favorite things to do. When he’s sad, he goes shopping. When he’s happy, he goes shopping. When he’s bored, he goes shopping.

I used to go along shopping with him just because I know it’s something he loves, and seeing him so happy was enough of a reward to trample the resistance I would’ve had to it otherwise.

I love going into stores with him and watching him get all excited about the bags and watches and jewelry.

I love when his eyes get all sparkly and he points out pieces and how he’d style them.

I love being his shopping buddy.

Recently, I told him that I realized I really don’t hate shopping anymore, even if I’m on my own. Part of that comes from the fact that I can actually look at the clothes that are appealing to me now, for sure, as opposed to when I was younger.

I’ve never taken a floral class, and I am not much of a “flowers person” myself, nor do I have any sort of natural eye for arranging anything with a feminine feel. I felt just about as lost as a stereotypical mainstraight man who had never made a bouquet. I knew it was going to be a challenge for me, but I was SO excited!

I watched a few tutorials, asked the poor florist at my local store so many questions, and kept an eye out for inspiration. I’d been thinking about it nonstop for the whole week— what colors do I go with, what filler flowers do I use and how many, what round flowers do I use, what do I pair with his favorite flower… Then on Valentine’s Day, I picked up the bunches of flowers I’d been eyeing from a couple different floral shops.

Building a bouquet from scratch was a lot of work 😅 but also a bit easier than I anticipated! I was so happy with the final look, and SO excited to see my boyfriend’s reaction…

I brought him into the kitchen and let him open his eyes.

He seemed kind of confused.

Uh oh, I was thinking. Fuck, maybe this was a bad idea.

Rambling nervously, I told him that I had arranged it myself. Picked out the flowers individually and put them all together just now. And that I knew they weren’t the Exact shade of purple that’s his favorite, but it was the closest I could get…

His jaw dropped. “Oh, that’s for me???”

I blinked. “Yes, of course it’s for you!! Who else would it be for?”

“I don’t know! It’s so nice that I just thought it was a centerpiece on the table! I can’t believe you made that for me!”

I had a good laugh about that (and the biggest breath of relief ever 😅) while he stared at the flowers with big, wide eyes and spent the next 20 minutes fawning over them. He teared up a bit and said it was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for him.

Get your guy some flowers!!!!!!

Oh I don't know! This is my first time hearing about it. I'm assuming these are the characters?