#heronhill

“Every weakness contains within itself a strength.”

― Shusaku Endo

“Go hang out with your brother and Lorenzo, Jace. This is a routine mission and I’ve got Izzy by my side,” Andrew said, pressing a solid hand to Jace’s shoulder. Jace tried not to flinch away from the contact because every time Andrew touched him was just a reminder that they were friends when Jace wanted them to be anything but. 

“These new demons are unpredictable, An-- Underhill. There’s supposed to be at least three shadowhunters to each mission,” Jace said, trying to make sure the fear wasn’t as prominent in his voice as it was in his mind. 

Andrew just laughed and patted Jace’s cheek teasingly before he said, “You’re telling me that Izzy and I don’t equal at least three regular shadowhunters? I’m wounded, Jace, really.” Jace rolled his eyes and swatted Andrew’s hand away, unable to stop the small smile from tugging at the corner of his lips. 

“We’ll be at Lorenzo’s for a few hours. Do you-- Why don’t you guys stop by after? I’m sure they’d love to see you,” Jace said, hoping his fib was believed. It wasn’t a complete lie - Alec and Lorenzo had a soft spot for Andrew and an even softer spot for Jace’s pining over him - but Jace knew the only reason the invite left his lips was because he had to make sure Andrew was okay after his mission. Andrew was one of the most talented shadowhunters the Institute had, but that didn’t stop Jace from worrying he would get hurt. 

“We’ll be in and out in no time,” Andrew assured him as if sensing Jace’s hesitation. Jace sighed as Andrew continued, “Then we’ll head to Lorenzo’s and party because we all know he throws the best ones.” Andrew winked at Jace who had to push back the small sliver of jealousy that rushed through him as Izzy came to gather him for the mission. 

When Andrew disappeared to grab his weapons, Izzy nudged Jace and promised, “He’ll be fine, Jace. I’ve got his back.” 

-----------------------

It had been two hours since his sister and his-- Andrew, left to scour the streets for the newest demon attacking mundanes and downworlders alike. The mission was supposed to be complete judging by the elaborate clock hanging in Lorenzo’s living room and Jace felt his fear prickling at the back of his neck and a stutter in his heart each passing moment. Lorenzo and Alec were entertaining the best they could with the cloud of dread Jace seemed to drag into their home, but Alec was seemingly distracted by Jace’s mood as he removed himself from his boyfriend’s side to wander over to his parabatai. 

“Still no word?” Alec asked. Jace was grateful that there was no judgment or annoyance in his tone as he squeezed himself between Jace and the side of the couch. Jace just shook his head and checked his phone one more time even though he hadn’t heard the telling chime of either Izzy or Andrew’s ringtones. 

“I know it’s ridiculous to be this concerned for a routine mission, but--” 

“But you still haven’t told Andrew how you feel,” Alec finished for him and Jace nodded solemnly in response. 

“The timing has never seemed right,” Jace argued even as Alec raised his eyebrows. It was a lame excuse, Jace knew; there was never a good time for a confession of love and risk being rejected by the person Jace had been pining after for months. 

Alec said as much. “You have to put yourself out there, parabatai. I know it’s scary and it’s making yourself more vulnerable than you’ve ever been but--” Alec glanced at Lorenzo and a fond smile crossed his lips, “It’s worth it, I promise you.” 

Jace had wished for that. He saw the way Alec smiled at Lorenzo and the way Lorenzo waved back almost shyly which was so unlike his usual confident self. Somehow Alec and Lorenzo were perfect and Jace couldn’t help but think that he and Andrew would be, too, if he only had the guts to give them a shot. As if reading Jace’s mind, Alec grabbed his hand and flipped it over, pressing his finger to Jace’s wrist gently. He traced what Jace recognized as the fearless rune into his skin before kissing his forehead solidly and making his way back to Lorenzo. He pressed himself into Lorenzo’s side and kissed him on the cheek as if remembering how lucky they were. 

It was all Jace needed to see to run back to the Institute. He made it in record time, stopping at the ops center to take a deep breath and try to push the fear that was flooding through him away. His heart stopped when he saw Izzy dragging herself into the room covered in blood and ichor. 

“Jace, I’m--” Before she could finish, Jace was at her side, holding her up as tears washed away the grime caked onto her cheeks. The fear he had tried so hard to control rose inside of him like lava, burning through every ounce of hope he had in him. 

“Are you okay? Is Andrew okay?” Jace asked even though he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer. Izzy nodded and then shook her head, her mouth opening and closing as if she wasn’t sure how to explain. “Izzy, what happened?” Jace asked softly. He was torn between comforting his distraught sister and wanting to rush to the infirmary to get the answers he so badly needed. 

“They came out of nowhere. We were heading back to the Institute and Andrew, he was--” Her breath caught on a sob as she peered up at Jace. “We didn’t even see them and all I heard was Andrew screaming,” she cut herself off with another gasping breath. “There was another team around the corner to help me fight them but-- I don’t know how he’s doing. His iratze is taking too much time but there’s no venom in his system according to Ragnor. I didn’t want to leave him--” Jace pressed her close and ran a hand over her knotted hair soothingly as she cried into his chest. 

“You need to rest, Iz. I’ll go stay with him, just-- I’m glad you’re okay,” Jace whispered as he kissed her temple before nudging her toward the residential hall. It took everything in him not to sprint to the infirmary but he knew that panic wasn’t going to help Andrew through whatever injuries he had obtained. Jace needed to pull himself together so that he could think and act rationally and he did that by channeling Alec. He focused on the parabatai bond, the way it seemed to flicker with love and laughter and hope, and held onto that comfort as he shuffled to where Andrew rested. 

The moment Jace saw Andrew was like a knife directly through his heart. He felt bile rise into his throat and swallowed it down as best he could before taking a shaky deep breath and stepping beside Andrew’s bed. He was pale, whiter than Jace had ever seen his skin, and his lips weren’t their usual vibrant pink. They were tinted blue and the breath that left them was labored and husky. Jace pulled down the sheet that surrounded him and flinched when he saw the wound covering his lower chest. There was no way his lungs would come out unscathed, but Jace momentarily thanked the angels that it was the side opposite his heart. 

“What happened?” Jace asked as he ran a hand over Andrew’s sweat covered forehead. He was hot, his fever overwhelming him as his body struggled to recover, and Jace took that as a good sign. A fever meant his body was fighting and Andrew was the best soldier Jace had ever known. 

“He’s lucky they were so close to the Institute. I almost didn’t make it in time,” Ragnor commented as he sauntered up to the other side of Andrew’s bed. 

“Is he gonna be okay?” Jace asked as Ragnor combed Andrew’s still body with his magic, the usual soft green color reddening with each passing stroke. 

Ragnor shrugged. “We’ll see if he wakes up,” the warlock commented as his magic disappeared. Jace glared at him but Ragnor was uncaring about it. “I rarely ever see you in here, Mr. Wayland. What makes this one so special?” Ragnor disappeared without waiting for an answer and Jace was stuck on the question. 

What did make Andrew so special? Jace wasn’t sure why his feelings for Andrew were so much stronger than he had ever felt for anyone previously. He knew that Andrew was attractive by any standard. His too-long curly hair resembled Jace’s color almost perfectly and his blue eyes seemed to match the glow of his seraph blade when it lit up in his hand. He was tall and broad, the total opposite of Jace, and his smile never seemed to dim on his lips. Jace would’ve had to have been blind not to notice the incredibly good looks the angels had blessed him with. 

But there was so much more that attracted Jace to him. Andrew was a soldier, first and foremost, willing to do whatever it took to protect and fight for his Institute, and Jace had always admired that about him. Jace hadn’t known much about Andrew’s past, but it was because he always focused on the present and looked forward to the future. Jace had always found himself stuck in the past and Andrew reminded him that while the past was important to learn from, it didn’t matter to nearly anyone besides Jace. It had him looking at the world so much different than he had ever let himself. 

As a man, Andrew was confident without ego, brave without bragging, strong but with the knowledge of his weaknesses. He didn’t want to be anyone other than himself because he was happy with who he was. At first, Jace wasn’t sure he was jealous of Andrew, if he had wanted to be him as opposed to like him. But then Andrew talked to Jace when he was at his worst, touched him when he needed comfort, and looked at him as if he was something worth remembering and Jace was nothing if not gone for how Andrew made him feel. 

“You’ve gotta wake up,” Jace whispered, his lips brushing against Andrew’s ear with every word as he rested his forehead to Andrew’s temple. “You can’t die on me before I can use that bravery and strength you’ve taught me all about, okay?” 

He closed his eyes, gripping Andrew’s hand tightly in his own, and let himself sleep off the panic thrumming underneath his skin. 

-----------------------

“I’m sorry I didn’t--” Izzy’s watery voice rang through Jace’s ears, but he was barely awake enough to respond. There were gentle fingers stroking through his hair and the lull of breathing moving his head up and down to a comforting rhythm. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept so soundly and he didn’t want it to be over yet. 

“You did nothing wrong, Isabelle. Ragnor said that you got me back here just in time, so accept my thank you and go get some rest. You look like hell.” It was Andrew’s voice that had Jace catapulting up from where he was hunched over onto the bed. Andrew winced as his hand fell to the mattress and Jace’s eyes widened in response. When he realized the fingers in his hair must have been Andrew’s, a blush darkened his cheeks and he glanced up at Izzy in hopes that Andrew wouldn’t notice. 

“He’s right, you know. About everything,” Jace said with a nod and a small smile, his need to comfort his sister pushing through the embarrassment he felt from falling asleep on Andrew. Izzy nodded and pressed a kiss to Andrew’s forehead before squeezing Jace’s shoulder on her way out. She looked at him, her eyes clearly stating that he was an idiot and that now was his shot, but Jace had already known that. 

“Hi,” Andrew croaked, his eyes blinking slowly as he struggled to stay awake. 

“Hey,” Jace said with a small laugh of relief. He couldn’t stop himself from lacing his fingers with Andrew’s again now that he knew it wasn’t completely unwanted. Andrew squeezed his hand as best he could but the delicacy of it showed how weak Andrew still was. “You should be sleeping,” Jace said because every other word that seemed to float around them was too serious, too much of a discussion that he wasn’t sure an injured Andrew was ready for. 

“Ragnor’s gonna come knock me out in a few minutes. He wanted to earlier, but I wanted to send you to bed first,” Andrew responded, a smile on his face. Jace wasn’t sure how his smile was so bright when he knew the pain Andrew felt was unmatchable. 

“Well, I’m awake so…” Jace went to pull away but Andrew gripped his hand tighter and didn’t let him move an inch. 

“I was almost killed, Jace,” Andrew said, his voice full of exasperation that Jace couldn’t quite place. He nodded as his eyes glanced down to the slowly healing hole in Andrew’s chest. 

“You think I don’t know that?” Jace spat. He hated that his first response was always to be on the defense. He knew he didn’t have to protect himself from Andrew, but for some reason, his head was screaming at him to run away and hide his heart. 

“I know you know that. And I also know that you’ve been here for almost 24 hours, by my side, when there were plenty of other places for you to be,” Andrew shot back. Jace tried to tear his hand away again, but Andrew gripped even tighter, the pain it caused present on his scrunched face.

Jace apologized and said, “I didn’t need to be anywhere else.” I didn’t want to be was left unsaid. 

“I’m lying in this bed, injured almost to the point of unmoving, and you still can’t just tell me?” Andrew accused, an almost pleading tone to his voice that had every muscle in Jace’s body tensing in worry. 

“Tell you?” Jace whispered, doing everything in his power to avoid the way Andrew was looking at him. Andrew sighed and Jace’s heart stopped beating when he pulled his hand away to rest it on his stomach. 

“I’m awake and Ragnor says I need to not be and right now,” Andrew looked away, “I don’t know that I want to be conscious either.” 

“I was terrified!” Jace blurted before he could stop himself. Jace wasn’t sure what Andrew wanted to know so he decided to just tell him everything. “I was so scared that I was shaking and-- and crying over your unconscious body because I didn’t know how to handle the fact that you were hurt, okay? I feel fear so rarely and I don’t have the weaknesses that others have but--” Jace took a deep breath and held Andrew’s hand delicately in his own until Andrew turned back to connect their eyes. “My weakness is apparently you,” Jace said simply as he gazed into Andrew’s ocean blue stare. 

“Why did it take you so long?” Andrew asked slowly. He didn’t seem half as scared as Jace was or even a little surprised at the confession and Jace wasn’t sure how to handle that. 

“Because you’re so sure of yourself. You’re so sure of me - more than anyone ever has been - and I was--” Jace shook his head as Andrew stroked a trembling hand over his cheek. “You were - are - too important to me to risk losing whatever this is between us. If I have to--” 

“You don’t have to worry about that, Jace. I’ve been waiting for you to come around for weeks and if this near-death experience taught me anything, it’s that our job means everyday matters. I’m not going to wait until you’re on this bed to tell you that you’re my weakness, too,” Andrew confessed, the smile on his face never faltering. 

Jace moved forward as carefully as he could given Andrew’s injuries - he was also giving Andrew the chance to take it all back even though he wasn’t sure his heart could take it - before holding Andrew’s face delicately in his hands. Without another word, he pressed their lips together gently but with more emotion filling it than Jace had ever put into another kiss. He wanted Andrew to understand that even though he was Jace’s weakness, Andrew was also his strength, his bravery, his compassion, his happiness, his confidence, his present, and more importantly, his future. 

---

The next time Jace gets in trouble for trying to sneak out of the Sanctuary to avoid getting caught, this time to test out using the morning star flail that Robert keeps insisting Jace can’t take in the field, he gets assigned weapon and combat gear cleaning duty for the next two weeks.

To his surprise, Andrew Underhill is waiting outside the training room as he leaves Maryse’s office. He tries to look like he’s just passing by but Jace is positive he was listening in.

“Who knew wanting to practice a new weapon would be frowned upon,” Jace comments, covering his frustration with the whole situation with his usual bravado, forcing a smirk on his face. “Guess cleaning all the weapons is one way to familiarize myself with them better.”

“Pretty sure it’s less the wanting to practice and more the going on patrol alone with a weapon you’re not proficient in,” Andrew doesn’t look amused. “Seems like a good way to get yourself killed.”

Jace rolls his eyes. “I would’ve been fine.”

“Sure you would’ve,” Andrew agrees easily enough, though Jace notes with a moment of annoyance that he doesn’t sound genuine. Does he think Jace is that incompetent, too? “Sorry about the cleaning detail,” Andrew adds, which shifts the subject slightly.

“Don’t be,” Jace shrugs. “Isn’t like it’s your fault.”

A strange look crosses Andrew’s face at that, a flicker of hesitation as if he might say something, then changes his mind. Jace almost comments on it but Andrew speaks again, his words quick and dismissive.

“Yeah, no, of course not. Just trying to be sympathetic.” That’s what Andrew says, though Jace can’t help but notice he still looks guilty, but maybe that’s just for the eavesdropping.

Jace arches an eyebrow. “Right,” he says slowly, not sure why Andrew’s being so weird all of a sudden. “Anyway, guess I should go get some rest if I’m going to be up at the crack of dawn wiping down weapons.” Jace turns and leaves Andrew still lingering outside of Maryse’s office, not thinking twice about it.

The following morning Jace shows up to the weapons room prepared for several hours of solitary cleaning. He definitely doesn’t expect Andrew to show up about half an hour in with an offer to help.

“Want a hand?” Andrew asks, eyeing the still very large pile of unpolished weapons.

“...why would you want to do that?” Jace asks suspiciously. This is a punishment after all, and he sure as hell wouldn’t be here if he didn’t have to be. No one in their right mind would willingly subject themselves to this.

Andrew shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep. Sometimes the repetitiveness of these sorts of tasks helps clear my head. Plus, I figured you could use the company. If you’d rather be alone, though, I could go…”

Jace considers the offer. It’s way too quiet in here - Jace always preferred to be around people, to have conversation and distractions so he isn’t left alone with his thoughts for too long. If nothing else, Jace would definitely appreciate the company even if Andrew just hangs out and doesn’t do any actual cleaning.

“Alright, have at it,” Jace finally agrees.

The two of them spend the next two hours talking and joking as they polish the weapons, and Jace realizes that this is probably the first significant amount of time he’s spent alone with Andrew. They get along surprisingly well, and Jace would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit how much he appreciates the way Andrew seems to look at him with an almost reverent admiration, despite being older than Jace. He can’t help it - when you spend the better part of your life trying to impress others, it’s the best feeling in the world when it pays off.

Andrew shows up to help Jace a few more times that week, until Jace begins to expect him rather than wonder if he’ll show. Outside of a few misguided attempts to rein in Jace’s reckless side, which Jace chalks up to pretty standard interactions for a friendship with him, the two of them only grow closer. Andrew is smart, the properly clever sort of smart that Jace loves, but he’s also kind. Much more kind than many raised in the life of Nephilim are. And it’s that kindness, that warmth, that Jace is drawn to the most.

When Jace’s punishment ends he feels a pang of unexpected loss at the idea of not seeing Andrew every day. He goes out on a limb and asks if Andrew would want to have a standing offer to meet up for breakfast in the mornings in the cafeteria, so they still have time outside of training and patrols to just hang out.

There’s a little flutter in Jace’s stomach when Andrew eagerly agrees with a huge smile, and Jace realizes with sudden certainty that somewhere over the past two weeks his feelings for Andrew may have shifted to something more than just a desire for friendship.

He ignores that for now, content with breakfast, daily talks, and getting to know Andrew a little better.

---

“Why don’t you wash up and meet me down in the cafeteria? I’ll see if I can get us some breakfast food cooked up,” Andrew offers. He sounds… hesitant. Maybe even a little scared. Jace doesn’t blame him - Jace knows he must look about two seconds away from self-destructing because he feels like he is.

Jace messed up. He knows he messed up, and he’s going to do something to fix it. He has to.

“No, I just want to sleep,” Jace says, his tone uncharacteristically cold toward Andrew who has recently become the only person to see the best sides of him nearly constantly. He can’t help it when the very sight of Andrew brings a small smile to his face no matter how bad of a mood he’s in… or at least, it usually does. “See you tomorrow.”

They just got back from a failed mission, one that Jace was in charge of. Jace kept most of his control during the debriefing, and now the rest of the team heads off to shower and rest.

Not Jace.

Jace waits until Andrew is out of sight before he slips away unnoticed to the weapons room. Grabbing two extra daggers and a seraph blade, he heads back to where his team lost track of the demons they were after before. He’s only back on the trail for a few minutes before Alec finds him, saying that Hodge sent him to track Jace and bring him back. The look of pure regret on Alec’s face says everything Jace needs to know about how in trouble he is.

“Sorry,” Alec says for the tenth time on their way back to the Institute. “I could always say I didn’t find you,” he offers, sounding unconvinced that would be any better.

Jace shakes his head. “No, then they’ll just punish you, too,” he sighs. “How did he even know I was gone?! I swear no one saw me leave.”

Alec shrugs. “I dunno.” They continue to walk in silence until Alec drops Jace off in the training room where Hodge is waiting, arms crossed over his chest.

Jace thinks that the worst news he’ll hear that night is the clearly stated warning that if he ever tries to go on an unsanctioned mission alone again he’ll be pulled from active duty entirely.

Instead, it’s the revelation of who told Hodge what he was doing that fills Jace’s veins with ice and makes him feel like he’s about to throw up.

“If Underhill hadn’t seen the cameras and warned us as fast as he did…”

Jace doesn’t hear anything after that, the words a buzzing noise in his brain. Underhill. Andrew. The fact that Andrew is the one who betrayed him makes this a million times worse. He trusted him. He liked him. He still does, which makes this hurt so much more. If it’d be anyone else…

Jace wastes no time going directly to Andrew’s room after Hodge releases him.

“What the fuck, Andrew?!” Jace demands before the door is even fully open.

Andrew looks as sick to his stomach as Jace felt only minutes prior.

“I’m sorry,” Andrew manages. “But you-”

“You’re not my goddamn keeper. You nearly got me pulled from active duty!” Jace seethes.

Andrew pales. “I’m sorry,” he repeats.

“Yeah, you keep saying that,” Jace points out, nothing but heat in his eyes and venom in his tone. He’s pissed. He doesn’t want to be pissed at Andrew, but he is, and he needs to get this out.

Andrew, to Jace’s surprise, grows defensive. “Maybe if you stopped trying to show off on your own all the time I wouldn’t have to keep turning you in just to--”

Jace’s jaw drops open and Andrew’s words cut off abruptly with the realization of what he just admitted.

“Keep turning me in?” Jace repeats, shaking his head. “It was you before, too, wasn’t it? By the Angel, Andrew, I thought we were friends! I thought-” but now it’s Jace’s turn to cut his words off abruptly because now is not the time for that, no matter how hurt he feels right now. “You know what, never mind. It doesn’t matter, because we clearly aren’t. I don’t want you to speak to me again, Underhill.”

Jace doesn’t stay for a response, allowing the abrupt shift from calling him Andrew to spitting out Underhill like it’s poison to do all the talking for him.

---

Things continue on in this way for a while - it seems like every time Jace goes off to make a potentially reckless decision Andrew is right there to drag him back. At first, Jace thought he was being too obvious, but no matter how many precautions he takes, Andrew always finds out, and Jace suffers for it. He knows the punishments are meant to be a deterrent but he mostly ignores them - in fact, they have the opposite effect. If everyone is going to assume he’s always out to cause trouble, then he might as well actually be out to cause trouble and have some fun in the process, live up to the reputation and all, right?

The times he manages to elude punishment only fuel more attempts, more risks to see how far he can push whatever fates are working against him here. When he gets away with it he’s rewarded with lavish nights out and thrilling solo missions far beyond anything he’d get cleared for through official channels, as well as any other number of adventures. More importantly, every time he manages to sneak out under Andrew’s seemingly constant watch (because of course Andrew works security at the Institute) it feels like a bigger victory, a louder ‘fuck you!’ to the person who, for reasons Jace still doesn’t understand because he refuses to speak with him, seems determined to ruin his life.

The only time they talk is on missions, and even then Jace shuts down any attempt at conversation outside of tactics and relevant information on whatever they’re tracking or fighting or protecting. He can tell that it hurts Andrew, but he pretends not to care just as intently as he pretends it doesn’t hurt him just as much. Jace reminds himself that Andrew is the one who betrayed him and his trust, after all.

They go on like this for quite some time. For half a year, in fact. Six straight months of Jace glaring daggers at Andrew every time he gets pulled in for breaking some rule or another. Six months of ignoring Andrew every time he practically begs Jace to just stop doing things that’ll get him in trouble in the first place.

Six months until Jace’s curiosity gets the better of him, finally overriding his anger enough for him to spin around after starting to walk away from Andrew in the middle of yet another attempted-conversation-turned-fight.

“I have to know,” Jace says. “What did I ever do to make you hate me so much?”

“I don’t hate you!” Andrew says. “I never hated you! Which you’d know if you ever just listened to me.”

“The thing is, I find that really hard to believe because I can’t imagine spending every waking moment trying to ruin the life of someone I liked.” Jace huffs. “Was it something I said? Were you jealous that the Lightwoods let me head missions-”

“Stop it,” Andrew pleads. “Stop being an ass just to push people away. I’m not your enemy, Jace!” Andrew snaps. “I’m trying to keep you alive, since you have no inclination of doing that on your own. I’m…” Underhill’s words stall out in his frustration as if he’s suddenly wondering if he should be saying anything at all. “I’m looking out for you, you self-sacrificing asshole,” he finishes, then seems to forcibly shut his mouth to not say anything more.

The words sound like they should be insults, but there isn’t anger behind them. Or, at least, there isn’t just anger - Jace can hear the concern behind them, too.

“I can look out for myself,” Jace points out, still defensive but much less angry.

“Sure you can,” Andrew says. “But you don’t. And I couldn’t convince you to, so…”

So Andrew wasn’t trying to ruin Jace’s life, he’s trying to protect it. And if Jace believes him, then he’s been doing it since before they were friends, and while they were friends, and even after, while Jace treated him like absolute shit for it.

“Why?” Jace asks. He’s pretty sure he knows, but he needs to hear Andrew say it. He needs to know and not just assume.

Andrew looks momentarily mortified by the question. “I can’t believe you’re going to make me say it…” Andrew mumbles.

“You wanted me to listen,” Jace reminds him. “Here’s your chance. I’m listening.”

Andrew seems to have lost the drive he had at the start of the conversation when the words were spilling out of him. Now it looks as if he has to force himself to say what comes next, but he does.

“Because I care about you, Jace. Because I like you. A lot. And the idea of something happening to you…” Andrew trails off, looking down at his feet for a moment before lifting his head to meet Jace’s eyes again. “I couldn’t stand it, not if there was something I could do to try and keep you safe. And maybe it wasn’t my place. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I just… even if you hated me for it, I couldn’t just stand back and wait for the night you went off to do something reckless and didn’t make it back.”

A heavy silence falls between them, Andrew done speaking his truth and Jace taking a moment to process it all.

“It wasn’t your place,” Jace agrees. “But as far as reasonings go, not wanting me to get hurt isn’t the sort of thing I can hate you for, is it?”

“I don’t know, you tell me,” Andrew says, looking anxious again.

Jace sighs. “Listen, before all of this,” Jace says, making a vague hand motion between the two of them to symbolize the past six months and everything that went wrong. “Before I ruined everything, I thought there might be something between us. And I get it, if I fucked things up too much to go back now, I understand, but-”

A second later Jace’s words are cut short by the press of Andrew’s lips to his in a kiss he returns eagerly once he recovers from the momentary surprise of it. It only breaks when Jace absolutely needs to take a breath, and honestly, Jace might’ve just gone right back in for more if Andrew didn’t take a small step back.

“You didn’t ruin everything,” Andrew says, unable to keep the small smile from his face now. “I meant what I said. I care about you. I like you. Present tense, here and now, even after everything. I’m not saying we should just pretend the last few months never happened, but… I don’t think it isn’t anything we can’t come back from. Do you?”

“Listen, I know we need to talk about this, and we will, but right now I really just want to kiss you again,” Jace confesses.

Andrew laughs. “We do need to talk. We should also maybe take the night to think things through before we jump into anything we’ll regret, verbally or physically.”

“I hate it when you’re rational,” Jace mutters. “But you’re right.”

“Maybe we can meet tomorrow? Over breakfast?” Andrew suggests.

The idea of having Andrew back, as a friend or something more, feels too good to be true. But here it is - here Andrew is - beaming like the goddamn sun.