#hellbrain dump

If your sex drive or libido is lower than your partner’s, you may feel obligated to “keep up” with them to make them happy. But you have a right to say no, or not be in the mood, or be too tired, or just not want to right now. Your partner(s) should respect your right to say no and your bodily autonomy.

If your partner(s) try to harass, manipulate, or coerce you into having sex when you say no, they’re an asshole. Having said yes in the past does not mean you can never say no. It is not your responsibility or obligation to provide sex. You do not need to violate your own boundaries to make someone else happy. Your partner(s) should respect your right to say no, and if they don’t, they don’t deserve you.

It means I can’t hold on to the good. I need reminders and reassurances that people don’t hate me, that they’re still my friend, that they’re not leaving, that any silence does not mean they’ve abandoned me. And I can imagine having to repeat this over and over again does not feel good for them. It doesn’t feel good for me, either. I hate making the people I care about carry my emotional baggage.