You and @kttybot need to stop hurting me with Lucifer/Kitty. 😭 I don't think I read anything on your blog regarding Lilith? Can you go further into depth about why hearing Lilith's voice out of Kitty wasn't a comfort and more of a trigger for him?
Me and @kttybot plot A LOT behind the scenes. Plenty of which we still haven't even introduced to the Tumblr followers yet!
Buuut, yeah, you'd think hearing the voice of someone who was your entire world and miss dearly would be a comfort, it wasn't. It was definitely triggering to him, it's a topic he never touches on, never mentions her name, etc. For his own sanity if anything.
I've left what had happened to Lucifer and Lilith kind of up in the air because I don't really have a Lilith to flesh out that part of him yet, really. I have the wonderful @hellarchy but we're in the midst of settling in Hell before rebuilding it and making it their own in v ; the fall and revival. Plus they have a lot of active muses too. ❤️
But I imagined some sort of falling out had happened. Or she's dead. Or Lucifer has convinced himself that she's 'dead' only because she's no longer with him/around/in contact with. And Lucifer hasn't come to terms with it and still wears his wedding ring. His depression's really done a number on his mental state.
He still has photos, videos, etc hidden in crevices in his home that he refuses to look at and acknowledge. And the one audio clip Kitty ended up finding was the one he used to torment himself over and listen to on repeat, just to hear Lilith say she loves him again. That's why it was so triggering to him to hear her voice out of Kitty's mouth for multiple reasons:
1. How did she find that audio? 2. Why did she think this would help him? 3. He was finally getting better with his depression because of Kitty's influence, so he's grown to have feelings for her and to hear a ghost of a person he's been trying to forget out of the mouth of someone he currently had feelings for fucked him up. It was whiplash.
So he reacted, violently, out of character. But that didn't make it okay. Kitty didn't know, she was designed to be the perfect companion and she's been thus for him, it was on Lucifer because he never opened up and talked about Lilith really with her. It was already bad that some traits of Kitty reminded him of Lilith but that he was easy to let slide and overlook. Kitty knew he missed Lilith and just wanted to help him.
But because of this event, he hurt someone he vowed to never hurt and it'll trigger him back into his shell, destroying the progress they've made because the two things that he doesn't talk about that keep him chained to his depression is: Lilith, and Heaven.
He's grown comfortable in the wake of his depression; and so, he'll revert back to the man he was before Kitty and him met, not contacting or reaching out at all and sticking to what he knew best to cope with what he knew: creating in the silence of his home. His self loathing gets worse because he hurt someone that he cared about the most due to his flaws.
He'll never forgive himself for it.
