#hell hammer

Euronymous This man would be all over you. You're not leaving his sight, and you'd better be prepared to be in his lap, making out for the rest of the night, or at least until your ex has fled the scene. Then when you get home, he's fucking you into the matress and making you say that you're his.

Hellhammer I could see him nodding at them in a 'watch this' kind of way, then full-on copping a feel. If you're sitting in his lap and wearing a low-cut top, he'll straight-up motorboat you, then look back over at your ex and smirk.

Dead I think he'd get super clingy and be hanging off of you. He would not let go of your hand for the rest of the night and might even be a little insecure about it until you give him a reassuring squeeze and plant one on him right in front of them.

Necrobutcher Unbothered king. He would not be insecure in the slightest. This man knows that you're going home with him at the end of the night, so why should he care if your ex is there?

Occultus Occultus would react similarly to Pelle, but leaning more on the insecure side. I think he'd be pretty unsure of himself and wondering if you're comparing him to your ex inside your head. He'd need reassurance that you're not and that he's the only one you want.

Faust This man would have you in his lap in an instant, or if you're standing, he's got his arm slung over your shoulder, standing so close to you that he might as well be a guard dog. He's using his height to his advantage, sure to make it clear that he towers over them if they get close.

Euronymous This man is possessive AF. If he sees someone flirting with you, he'll go over and grab you by the belt loops and make out with you while maintaining eye contact with whoever was talking to you. He also gets jealous over the dumbest shit. If you're passing out beers and you don't give him his first, or if you're even talking to another man, he'll wait until you leave and mark you up real good and fuck you into the mattress to remind you who you belong to. Definitely kinda toxic, but also hot.

Hellhammer He's confident enough to know that you're going home with him at the end of the night and doesn't get all that upset when he catches his friends or strangers leering at you. I could see him actually getting off on other guys hitting on you and watching you turn them down. I don't think he's insecure at all. You can talk to whoever you want, you can even be a little flirty, but as long as when you're done, you're back to sitting in his lap, he's happy.

Dead I'm not sure he would even realize other people are looking at you. He's so wrapped up in you that he's only vaguely aware of what's going on around him. I think it's safe to say that if you put in the time and effort to properly bag this man, you're not gonna be giving anyone else the time of day.

Necrobutcher I think that the two of you would be too busy sitting off to the side, engrossed in conversation, in a way that makes it painfully obvious that you're a couple, so other people flirting with you would be unlikely. When it does happen or someone is just looking, I think he'd just stare at them blankly until they get weirded out and leave the two of you alone. It would always make both of you laugh.

Occultus This poor little guy would be completely rattled if he saw someone flirting with you right in front of him. I feel like he'd just freeze and start panicking, especially if you don't immediately shut it down or even notice. He would get so clingy, hanging off of you and just standing unreasonably close to you until you finally ask him what's wrong and he begrudgingly tells you that someone's looking at you and he doesn't like it. You'd have to reassure him and pepper his face with kisses, but he'd still be glued to you for the rest of the night.

Faust I think that in general, Faust would very rarely, if ever leave your side, especially at gigs or in crowded bars. Having your very tall, very touchy when he's drinking, boyfriend standing around you constantly, keeps the creeps away for sure. I really don't think anybody's coming up to flirt with you in front of him, but if he catches someone looking, he'll drape an arm over your shoulders and pull you into his side or pull you into his lap, while staring whoever it is down with narrowed eyes until they look away.

Euronymous He'd very quickly learn that he can't just toss you around like a ragdoll and bend you into whatever position he wants you in while you're fucking. Sure, in the moment, you're oddly flexible, but when you wake up in the morning, stiff, with tears in your eyes, he'd be horrified and baby you until you're feeling better. He wouldn't let you lift a finger.

Hellhammer You're gonna have to tell this one what you need and when. He'll get the hang of it eventually, but he's never actually had to take care of anyone but himself, and it would be a bit of a learning curve for him. He'd keep cracking jokes to try and cheer you up while you're bedridden.

Dead He would lie in bed with you all day, watching you carefully, full of quiet worry. Despite his usual aversion to cuddling in most contexts, he'd get into whatever position you wanted him in. He'd do anything to make the pain go away and would probably try and mentally will the pain to jump over to his body instead of yours.

Necrobutcher This man would actively research ways to help manage your pain. At a certain point, he'd know more about your affliction than you do and would be getting you to try new things to see if they work. He'll play nurse and help you tape up your joints, and will roll you another kind of joint to help take the edge off.

Occultus Would do anything to help. Anything. If you can't sleep, he's staying up with you. Can't comfortably hold a hot waterbottle wherever you needed it? No worries, he'll hold it for hours, only getting up to go refill it. Can't get out of bed? He'll bring you anything you need.

Faust Faust would go to all your doctor's appointments with you and take notes on anything the doctor says. On the way home, he'd carry you up the stairs to your apartment to give your poor knees a break and would help you take a warm bath and wash your hair for you before getting cuddled up in bed for as long as you needed.

Euronymous: I've got a full list of Girl Dad! Euro headcanons here, but essentially, I think that he would have a mini-me. He'd dress her up so they match and would try to teach her how to play the guitar before she could even hold it up herself.

Necrobutcher: Jorn would be the responsible dad for sure. He's probably read every parenting book out there before your girl's even born and would be prepared enough for both of you. I feel like any children you have with him would be well-behaved and chill.

Dead: Pelle would be a nervous wreck at first, but he'd slowly grow more confident as time goes on. He'd love taking her out into the woods and showing her his favourite spots, and if she liked to draw, he'd lie on the floor with her for hours, passing a sketchbook back and forth with her to collaborate on his next creation.

Hellhammer: Jan's gonna toss your baby around like a football, but carefully. He'd be the kind of dad who holds her all crazy, but makes sure he isn't hurting her. She'd love it too. You know the videos where people are holding their baby upside down, and it's shrieking with laughter? Yeah, that's him.

Occultus: This man would be so into playing. He'd sit through a full-on princess tea party and enjoy himself, doing funny voices that make her giggle. He'd probably take her everywhere, too. He's cooking dinner? She's parked on the counter. Running to the store? Better grab the car seat, even if it's just for a few minutes.

Faust: Sweet boy would be so gentle with his little girl. He'd carry her everywhere and baby her even as she grows. She'd have him completely wrapped around her little finger, and he'd never be able to say no to her. Any kids you have together would get away with anything.

Euronymous Now, this might be a hot take, but I think that Euro would immediately be thrilled. He'd sweep you up in his arms, muttering into the top of your head that it's all gonna be fine. He'd see it as an out of the whole mess with Varg and the Black Circle. A reason to take a step back without looking like a pussy. He'd mean it, too. If you're locked down with this man, he secretly wants the picket fence.

HellHammer Immediately freaking the fuck out. Blood fully drained from his face, slack-jawed, shocked to his core, kind of moment. He's probably not going to be good at comforting you. It's more likely that you'll be the one comforting him in that moment. He's gonna need some help coming around to it, but I think he'll eventually be on board.

Dead This poor man's immediate thought is that he's gonna fuck that kid up. He'll be panicked, but seeing you so panicked too is reassuring in a way. He'd still be terrified, but after sitting with it for a moment, I think there would be this overwhelming fascination and curiosity, and he'd start asking you what it feels like and asking if he can touch your stomach. He'd gently prod the slight swell of your belly and press his ear to it, trying to see if he could hear anything. I think this would make you feel a whole lot better about the whole thing.

Necrobutcher The most rational and most likely to properly talk things through. Despite his shock, he'll pull you over to curl up next to him on the couch and talk you down. He'd assure you that it's fine and that whatever you're worried about, you'll figure it out together. He's immediately going to be thinking over logistics, like where you're going to live, and planning out extra hours at work to pay for it. He will make sure that you feel taken care of and supported.

Occultus He's gonna need to sit down for a minute. He'd probably take your hand and hold it while he did, just to offer even the slightest comfort, but he's going to be rocked to his core. However, once his brain catches up, he'd crack an excited little smile and pull you into his chest, asking you how you felt about the whole thing and assuring you that he's there and he'll continue to be there every step of the way.

Faust I think there would be an initial moment of freaking out, but the urge to comfort you would far outweigh the urge to let himself lean into the panic. While he's sitting there, holding you, he'll think of the little life that will come out of this overwhelming moment, and his heart will swell. It'd be like a switch is flipped, and he'd start excitedly rambling about what he's gonna do to start getting the apartment ready, and asking you how you're feeling. Can he get you anything? Are you hungry? Does anything hurt?

Euronymous "I told you not to run around like that, and look what happened. For fuck's sake, always so fucking reckless!" "Oh shit, don't cry. I'm sorry, baby. Fuck- Are you okay? Let me see?"

Hellhammer Immediate laughter once he realizes you're not bleeding out "Clumsy girl, are you okay? Want me to kiss it better, or are you still busy kissing the pavement?"

"Hey, hey. I'M SORRY! I know it's not funny. You're fine, though, right?"

Dead "Hjärtat, are you alright? Are you bleeding?" Depending on whether or not there's blood, he's either gonna be hard or feel physically pained FOR you as if he's the one who got hurt. Either way, he's standing there for a full minute with wide eyes.

Necrobutcher "Oh god, babe, I'm sorry. You know how I am with blood, I can't. I'll just stand over here. Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"A band-aid? There's a box in your purse? Left pocket. No, not that one, the other one. How do I know? I put it in there!"

Occultus Immediate panic. Too stunned to speak. Probably throws himself to the ground next to you in despair and solidarity

Faust "What happened?? How did that even happen? I was standing right here??" "Oh, I'm so sorry, Angel. You're okay, I've got you. Does it hurt? I should've been paying attention. Please don't cry, it's alright."