#hell freaking yes

          The silence in the author’s room was deafening yet it did nothing to quell the accusatory voices screaming in his clouded head.           Clown!           Monster!           He tossed and turned in the futon. His room was as dark as the bottomless abyss— or perhaps his eyes were squint-shut. He was unsure.           You killed her!           She’s dead because of you!           You don’t deserve to live!           A broken sigh left his quivering lips as he made himself smaller on the futon.           You’re a murderer!           You don’t deserve happiness!           You don’t deserve to die!           The room was stuffy, despite the window being open wide, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. He could not feel his own body, he only felt the agonising pressure on his chest that was weighing him down to the point where it was almost unbearable.           You don’t deserve love!           You deserve to be alone forever!           Your very existence is a collection of sins!           This was his punishment. He knew it. He accepted it. He almost embraced it. Almost.           Your soft voice rang in his ears, completely drowning the yelling voices in his head.           “It’s so cold here.”           His saviour.           “Why’s the window open— Shūji, did you forget to close the window again? Sheesh.” You hushedly nagged him, quickly closing the window.           The love he didn’t deserve.           “You’re freezing.” Your breath tickled the shell of his ear as you spoke, draping thick blankets and covers over his shivering body.           The happiness he didn’t deserve.           Your warmth pulled him completely out of the bottomless pit he had been drowning in. He was suddenly aware of his body again. He could feel it now, like your frantic hands rubbing up and down his cool skin as you pressed yourself closer to his trembling body, sharing your warmth with him.           His head was clearer now and he took a quivering breath. Then, he licked his dried lips which tasted as salty as the tears silently drying off his cheeks. He hoped you had not noticed the state he was in before.           Comfort. Happiness. Love. He was not worthy of any of that. He was not. He…           “Shūji… It’s enough,” you whispered in his ear, placing one hand over his chest as you snuggled even closer to him. “You’re not allowed to suffer alone, remember? We share the same sin, now.”           All he could do was nod slightly as he clutched your delicate hand in his cold ones while fresh tears welled up in his moonlight-coloured eyes.           Suffering. This love brought him suffering. He was worthy of that much. He knew it. He accepted it. He embraced it.           “I’m sorry, (y/n)-san. You deserve to be happy, yet… I cannot make you happy. Yet, I… I wish for your happiness… I truly do, from the bottom of my heart.”           “Knowing that is enough for me, Shuji. I love you. Always and forever.”           Shūji Tsushima was sorry for dragging you into his life, but he sure was not sorry for loving you with all that he was. “I love you, too.”           Being reminded that you shared his same sin engulfed him with a sense of relief, that made him feel guilty. Then, he remembered you chose to share it with him and to love him forever and always. He was content with that. And he would forever be grateful to you.

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