#hawkslonggoodbye

hi hiiii!! this was a fun one, tysm!!! 🫶

"I could feel you watching me," A voice says, low and so close to Buck's ear he can feel the hot breath ghosting across the side of his neck. He jumps, whirling around to come nearly chest to chest with Eddie — rosy-cheeked and shining with perspiration and something that looks a lot like freedom; it's in the smile that's tucked into the corner of his mouth, in the loose flop of his hair across his forehead, in the way he'd been moving out on that dance floor only moments ago, unburdened and unrestrained and completely liberated — of course Buck had been watching, he hadn't been able to take his eyes off of him. Buck is thankful that it's dark in here, that it's a little warm already too; maybe that will help hide the flush that darkens his cheeks as he grasps for some sort of explanation, "Oh... I—" Eddie's hand curling around his bicep stops him, and the look in his bright eyes makes something in Buck's stomach flip as Eddie sways forward, closer, even further into Buck's personal space, mouth curling pleasantly around the admission, "I like it when you look." It punches the breath out of Buck, and simultaneously fills his sails completely, bolstering him enough to swallow, tilt his chin up to meet Eddie's eyes, and confess right back, "I like looking."

🐄 - what trope do you feel like you're milking in this particular fic?

Fake dating, of course. And Esteban seems like the kind of guy who's going to go all out, with schmoopy pet names and a hand in Eddie's back pocket, and he's the perfect height for Eddie to just kinda rest his temple on the top of his head. And you know he's an excellent cuddler, and he's a man with eyes, he's not gonna say no to Eddie when hand or maybe even mouth stuff happens.

But it's like actually all fake for real, obviously. Absolutely zero shenanigans are going to ensue, it's just your standard defrauding of the US government.

date auction au and "what makes this fic grow? What do you need to make it grow?"

so this one started off as spec fic back in january, when i wrote a shitton of it, and then got stymied in production hell when canon officially jossed it, so now i'm in limbo with a lot of usable parts... but others that i'm just kinda like. hmm. do I want to rework some bits so it's a little more clearly grounded in what actually happened to define the AU of it all, versus the "going in blind" spec approach I started with? like for example, i definitely have Eddie's moments of "wow i sure don't wanna date randoms" in there from "Secrets" (which dropped around the time I started this) but Buck's emotional beats are pretty localized to "oh I'm being weird about Eddie...... and I can't stop myself" which. like. clearly we all have an appetite for! But I feel like I need to add some more meat on the bone to really make it hit. Do I mine some of the canon I've thus far discarded for that, or do I just make it up?

Short answer: I dunno! it's been a few months since I really dove into this fic and tried to work out the kinks, so I think I just need to attack it with fresh eyes again and play with the pieces. I know I really love what I have - like, let's be real, Buck and Eddie going on a "platonic" romantic Valentines Day date is the bread and butter type situation that makes this ship so fun to write, and I really do like the way they can just... feed off each other when that happens! So I do think that once I just pick a direction I'll be able to knock it out, I just need to sit with it long enough to make a real decision. (or else someone can just lock me in a basement and force me to write til it's done? i'll try whatever at this point.)

hiiii I am feeling a bit better, thank you!

Thank you for ask!

5. A antique phone stand I use it as plant stand

"Buck."

Eddie has heard before that people in comas can hear things, and that even if they can't, talking to them can help. He's never really bought into it, and even now he feels stupid, but Eddie is fraying.

"Buck." Eddie puts his hand on Buck's wrist, and one fraction of the tension in his body eases. "I don't know if you can hear me in there, but man. I need you to come out of this."

(I will be honest I've only just started this fic so we're not into anything juicy yet)

I would be delighted 🥰

When I started shipping it: before I even started watching.... the gifs and unhinged posts are what compelled me to watch

My thoughts: at this point beejhawk is ALL of my thoughts, so. You’ll have to be more specific. It’s all mash all the time up there

What makes me happy about them: hmm let me see... the way they hold on to each other, keep each other sane in an insane situation, bicker constantly, absolutely 100% get each other right away, just are totally on the same bullshit... soulmates baby!!!

What makes me sad about them: everything about GFA... I will Never Forgive BJ for leaving without a note, even though he does come back... their inability to really voice what’s happening between them, although they are able to acknowledge it more than Hawkeye & Trapper ever are.

Things done in fic that annoy me: hmm. Hard to say. Honestly I think the caliber of beejhawk fic is kind of stunning, I appreciate something about pretty much every story, even if I don’t appreciate *everything* about it.

Things I look for in fic: LONGING... YEARNING... A HAPPY ENDING (usually)...

Who I’d be comfortable with them ending up with, if not each other: I mean... again... it not being canon forces us to confront this. BJ obviously ends up with Peg, that’s the only acceptable non-Hawkeye answer. I hope that Hawkeye meets a nice handsome boy in Maine and is able to finally move on and sort out some of his issues, while still treasuring what he and BJ had.... wow, I’m sappy tonight.

My happily ever after for them: basically BJ has to go to Maine, and he has to convince Hawkeye that them being together is a good idea, and then Hawkeye moves back to California with him and they co-parent with Peg (who could be a lesbian - I’m not picky) and live happily ever after. What can I say... I am a simple girl with simple needs

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: they switch

28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?

Just. Just do it.

Get it down and worry about things like 'making sense' or 'being good' later.

Have a running note on your phone or a physical notebook for you to get whatever weird dialogue or random imagery down as soon as it comes to you and. You Do It.

I didn't Do It for like ten years and it sucked and now I just Do It and it's good. :) Most of the stuff I've posted aren't even full stories, they're just unattached scenes I can't get out of my head but I Did It and I Liked Them so I Shared Them and other people Liked Them and so I Did It more and have kept doing it.