#hashkafa

A minhag is a specific custom. Hashkafa is an overarching worldview, which may determine things like which areas of Torah study are emphasized, how the person relates to the secular world, etc. People with a certain hashkafa may tend to have a particular minhag. Minhagim can also belong to specific families though rather than larger groups.

And then I moved here, and for the first several months, I was surrounded by Lubavitchers 24/7. I live in a Lubavitch neighborhood and I worked in a Lubavitch institution. I slipped into being a Lubavitcher™, and for a while there, I lost myself a little. That’s not to say that everything that happened during that period was bad or wrong or not me. There are a lot of good things and there was a lot of good growth that came about, and I’m certainly not about to dump it all out the window wholesale. But I made certain decisions in the name of chasidishkeit and What Lubavitchers™ Do and perhaps peer pressure (real or imagined) that just weren’t healthy or sustainable, at least not for me.

Since I began my current job - where I work primarily with non-Lubavitchers who are more Modern than I am - and became friendly with various coworkers, I’ve felt too-long-dormant parts of myself waking up - seen them express themselves, seen how much better and more myself I feel. It’s not exactly something you can call clarity. I’m confused now, a lot more than I was before - a lot more than I think I’ve ever been in my frum life. There are a lot of things I have to figure out for myself. What works and what doesn’t work and what is worthwhile and what is not worthwhile and most importantly, why. There are things where I know that neither extreme is right, but I have yet to define a feasible middle ground, and I’m not sure how to get there. I have a lot of thinking to do. But the important thing is that I am not complacent and someday, one way or another, I will get there.

While that answer is mentioned in seforim, (a) it has serious difficulties associated with it - even the Raavad, who mentions it, describes it not as a real answer but as "a bit of an answer", meaning, he agrees that it has problems. And (b) the Rambam's answer is much simpler. 

The problem is, if the only reason that Hashem knows the future is because from His perspective the future "already happened", then His knowledge of the future would be limited to only the future that actually will happen.

But Hashem would not be able to know what will happen in a future "what if" scenario that will not actually take place.

For example, we know that everything Hashem does is "gam zu l'tovah". So if Hashem let's say wants to decide whether someone should break his arm, He will consider: If he breaks his arm, such-and-such will happen; if he does not break his arm, then scenario B will happen, and so forth.

Yet only one of those scenarios is actually going to be the future. And so, if Hashem only knows the future because it is to Him like the past is to us, because time isn’t a constraint, then while we understand how Hashem knew what will happen, how can Hashem know what would have happened in different circumstances, since that scenario never existed, neither in past, present, or future?

From the fact that Hashem knows not only what will happen, but also what would have happened, it is clear that Hashem's knowledge of the future is not only because He can see the future like we see the present, but also, He is able to accurately know what will happen not because He sees it in the future. And therefore, He knows what we will choose NOT only because He "sees" us choosing it in the future, but through some other means as well.

There is another objection to this answer as well, leveled by the Ohr Someach, but it is actually related to the above. He says, if to Hashem the future is like the past, and it "already" happened, then why would Hashem send a Navi to tell the people to do Teshuva if He already "sees" that they will not do Teshuva? Or, worse still, from His perspective, that they "already have not" done Teshuva? Obviously, says the Ohr Someach, if a Navi is sent to tell people to do Teshuva, that means they still may do Teshuva, yet Hashem "knows" that they will not????

The same problem exists in this answer. The cause and effect have nothing to do with time - your choice is the cause and G-d's "knowledge" is the effect. Because you chose, therefore G-d knows your choice.

But the problem is when you never did choose in reality, but you would have chose had you gotten the chance. Does G-d know what you would have chosen? Obviously yes. But if that is so, then there must be a mechanism that G-d uses to "know" things besides the fact that He is above time. Because even if you remove time form the picture, the Q is how can G-d know what you "would have done"? Clearly, then, G-d knows you so well that He knows what you would do under any circumstance. This is more than just "seeing the future", since there is no future to see in this case.

But if that is so, then G-d has to be able to know what you would do under any circumstance based on the current facts, since there are no future facts to enable His knowledge. But if what you would do is already determined by current conditions, then you are locked in to that choice way before you make it.

That means no bechirah.

If possible, you should sit down with this girl and explain to her that you want to be a certain way, and ask her to help you stay the way you want. Do not mention that she is the bad influence, just tell her that you're not 100% strong, and you need her help as a friend to do what you want. Assuming this girl is a real friend, and she is not bitter or angry about religion, she will probably help you.

Even girls who are not themselves perfectly Tzniusdig will often help their friends in their own Tznius who come to them asking them for such help. Sometimes they even feel guilty about what they are doing deep down, and by helping someone else be tzniusdik they feel "redeemed", and that they have some "connection" to tznius, even though they are not willing to apply that connection to themselves. This is called using the Yetzer Horah against itself.

A side-benefit of this is that the girls who help others in their struggles even though they themselves are not willing to struggle thereby often make it easier for themselves to become more tzniusdik. They get a sense of satisfaction from helping someone else be good, and they begin to want that sense of satisfaction in helping themselves be good.

So try that, if it is possible.

If not, the next best thing is at least to make a deal with the girl to please not influence you, and if she sees that you are being influenced to let you know.

That's one half of it. The other half is to fortify yourself by balancing this bad influence with other, good influences. Surround yourself with friends who dress properly, and among whom you would feel out of place dressing improperly.

Please don't feel unfortunate that you need others to "control" your tznius habits. your in your growing stages now, and the need for such "safeguards" is altogether proper for you.

The mesilas yeshorim opens his Sefer by saying that he is not writing anything people do not know already. But merely reminding people of that which they do know.

Just knowing Tochachah will not always mean action will follow.

Rav Yisroel Salanter ZTL used to have his Talmidim sit and chant one line of Mussar over and over like a mantra. The idea of Mussar is that is must penetrate you. Not merely be known by you.

Use Gedarim Siyagim, and focus on one idea at a time. And spend time on the idea until it sinks in.

Don’t worry that it doesn’t happen right away. It’s not meant to.

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Use the Sefer Orchos Tzadikim. Follow his program and work Middah by Middah, according to the order of the Sefer.

An alternate idea is to do the same thing, but with the Mesilas Yeshorim.

The difference between the two Seforim, in this sense, is, Orchos Tzadikim focuses on improving the person one Middah at a time, whereas Mesilas Yeshorim focuses on improving the total person, little by little.

The Ohr HaChaim seems to be at odds with the Sefer HaChinuch which says there is no reason for a person to want revenge against anyone, since whatever the other person did to you was anyway decreed by G-d.

A lot of people think that the Ohr HaChaim argues with the Sefer HaChinuch. But it doesn’t have to be so.

First, the Chofetz Chaim (al HaTorah Mishpatim) proves from the Gemora that even if someone hurts you, it is still Min HaShamayim. The Gemora is talking about the fact that the Torah gives a doctor permission to heal. “Verapoh yerapeh” the posuk says. Explains the Gemora; You might have thought that since G-d decreed a person be ill, it would be forbidden to heal him since you are contradicting Hashem’s decree. But, the Chofetz Chaim points out, the posuk of verapoh yerapeh is referring in context to a person who is injured by being hit by another person. You therefore see, says the Chofetz Chaim, that even when one person hits another person it is a divine decree.

The Chovos HaLevovos also mentions that when one person harms another it can only be by divine decree. Rav Chaim Volozhen (Ruach Chaim) also explains along these lines the Mishna in Pirkei Avos, “He saw a skull floating on the water. He said to it: Because you killed someone were you killed – and the person who killed you will be killed nonetheless”. On the other hand, the Ohr HaChaim who says that a person can harm another even against the will of Hashem and that’s why Reuven was helping Yosef by lowering him into the pit, is really a Zohar, on the spot. The Ohr HaChaim does not quote it, but it’s there. The Metzudas Dovid in Daniel (3:26) similarly asks why Channia, Mishael, and Azaryah didn’t simply jump out of the fiery furnace when they had a chance. Even though they would have had to fight Nevuchadnetzar, still, by staying the fire they were as good as dead anyway so why not chance jumping out and fighting? He says that the fire is not a Baal bechirah and only burns when Hashem decrees. Nevuchadnetzar, on the other hand, is a Baal bechirah and could kill them even against Hashem’s wishes. The same idea as the Zohar and the Ohr HaChaim. There are numerous other sources with this idea as well, particularly in the Chassidishe Seforim.

There doesn’t have to be any disagreement. For sure, Hashem can, and sometimes does protect people even from Baalei Bechirah, like when Moshe Rabbeinu’s neck turned to stone. Or on Chanukah, Rabim b’Yad m’atim. So here’s the question: If Hashem decides to protect Yosef from his brothers, Yosef will be protected; if He decides to let the brothers kill him, he will die. So why's that different than the snakes and scorpions?

The answer is that Hashem’s decision to protect or not protect people is not random, but follows certain rules. Hashem takes into consideration the person’s merits, zechus avos, other zechusim, and various different factors then decides what to do. At times, there are circumstances that upset the balance. Like for instance a Makom Sakanah, where Hashem will not afford a person his otherwise warranted level of protection. Or the Halachah that prohibits us to walk on a bridge together with a Rasha. If Hashem decides to punish the Rasha, by collapsing the bridge, we will c”v be in danger. But let’s try to understand this. If Hashem wants an innocent person to live he will live; if he wants him to die he will die, so why should the fate of the Rasha accidentally affect the life of the Tzadik because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time? The answer is of course Hashem can save him, but just like there is such a thing as a natural Makom Sakanah where there is a specially strict system of life and death, so too there are situations, such as being on a bridge with a Rasha, that are similarly dangerous such that Hashem uses a more strict system to determine whether a person lives or dies. So no matter what, a person’s fate is in the hands of Hashem. It’s just that there are certain circumstances that even if a person would normally be given life, under those circumstances, his Zechusim would not be enough to save him. So it’s the same thing with Baalei Bechirah vs. non-Baalei Bechirah. The system Hashem uses to determine life and death based on a person’s merits was designed for non-Baalei Bechirah situations. When a Baal bechirah is involved, it’s like being on a bridge with a Rasha, or a simple Makom Sakanah and the usual system of what kind of zechusim you need to live is no longer applicable. Of course Hashem can save you, but it's harder to be saved from baalei Bechirah just like it's harder to be allowed to live when walking in a makom Sakanah.

So there need not be a Machlokes here. The Ohr HaChaim, the Zohar, the Metzudas, and all the other seforim that say a Baal bechirah can over ride Hashem’s plan only need to mean that they can invalidate Hashem’s usual method of running the world the way a Makom Sakanah can. So it’s true that a Baal bechirah can kill someone even if he doesn’t deserve to be killed, the same way that walking on a bridge can kill someone who otherwise would not deserve to be killed. But just as the collapsed bridge and the death of all who are on it is totally Hashem’s doing, so too death at the hands of a Baal bechirah is totally Hashem’s doing. You would need a greater level of zechusim, even greater than what you would normally need for a miracle, to be saved from a Baal Bechirah. And your usual zechusim would not help. The usual manner of the way the world runs would not apply. Instead, there would be a stricter system. So Reuven did help Yosef by putting him into the pit, because against snakes and scorpions, because Yosef’s zechusim as a perfect Tzadik would certainly spare him from snakes, but when dealing with baalei bechirah, Hashem doesn’t necessarily save even someone with perfect zechusim; Chananiah Mishael and Azariah were smart for facing the fire instead of Nevuchadnetzar for the same reason.

Just a reminder, the Ohr HaChaim is merely duplicating the Zohar ad loc, so let's refer to this as the Zohar's opinion. It's not a question of "upsetting the balance." It's a question of Hashem shifting His level of method of judgment from the mode that He usually uses to one that is stricter when Baalei bechirah are involved. Nobody questions the fact that when someone kills himself it is G-d that decided, allowed, and caused the person to be successful. Had G-d not wanted the guy to kill himself, he wouldn't have been able to, since he needed G-d's help to do it. However, also, nobody disagrees that G-d does not want this guy to kill himself, since He said Thou shalt not kill! So which is it? Does G-d want this guy to be killed or not? The answer is that for sure G-d would have preferred that this guy not kill himself. In that sense we say G-d did not want this guy to kill himself. However, after the guy used his free will to decide to kill himself, G-d now willingly and proactively decrees that this guy's decision should become reality. Nobody forced G-d to do this. In this sense we say G-d wanted the guy to get killed. It's two different definitions of "want". Look at it this way: G-d willingly makes this guy to kill himself now that the guy decided to do it. But G-d would have preferred that the guy not make that decision. When we drive a car it is not considered a Sakanha since Shomer Pesayim Hashem, but if we jump off a roof, or drive wildly, then yes, we upset the balance and G-d now responds to our wildness by shifting His method of dealing in the world and now deals with you stricter. The only thing that disturbs the balance is bechirah. If a person is disturbed and cannot control his actions it is not a Bechirah decision.

Many Seforim talk about the Ohr HaChaim. The Be'er Mayim Chaim in Chayei Sarah on the posuk V'ekod V'eshtachaveh explains with this principle that even though Hashem arranges shiduchim, a person with his bechirah can reject his proper zivug. The Divrei Yoel in Ekev explains with this principle that even Hashem does not give a person a Nizayon more than he can handle, however, a Baal Bechirah can, meaning that a Baal bechirah who tries to influence you to do an aveirah may present you with a Nisayon stronger than that which Hashem would have given you, that is, a Nisayon too hard for you to handle. This is why it is so important to avoid bad influences, much more than other Nisyonos. Rabbi Mattisyahu Solomon shlita, the mashgiach of Lakewood, in his Matnas Chaim (Vol. I, "Ais lischok") writes that it always bothered him that the Tur writes that Shabbos HaGodol is called by that name because the Jews miraculously got away with shechting the Egyptian god as a Korban Pesach. He asks, why is this miracle any more impressive than all the miracles that the Jews had in Egypt when they were spared from the Makos for instance? According to this Zohar, Rabbi Solomon's questions disappears, since all the other miracles involved the Jews being saved from animals and other non-Baalei Bechirah. The fact that the Jews were saved from the Egyptians who were Baalei Bechirah is a much greater miracle. I had an idea that this Zohar is the meaning of the posuk in Mishle (17:12) "Better to encounter a bear bereaved of its cubs than to meet a fool in his foolishness". A fool is a Baal bechirah, and can harm you worse than a crazy bear, who, no matter how bad a mood he is in, is not a Baal bechirah and only listens to Hashem. There are countless places where this Zohar and the OhrHaChaim is discussed.

The Sefer HaChinuch says that you should not be angry at someone for doing something to you because Hashem caused it. This is true even if the damage came through a Bechirah-loophole as you may call it, since even in such a case, Hashem clearly acted to make the Bechirah-choice come true. if someone shoots someone else, even though it does not show the usual mode of Mishpat, but the point of the Chinuch is, if Hashem allowed the gun to shoot, and the bullet to reach its target, etc. etc., why be angry at the shooter? Hashem Himself contributed to the shooting. The Sefer haChinuch was talking about whether you should be angry at someone; the Ohr HaCham is talking about whether the normal indications of guilt and innocence are in effect. The answer is no, the usual scales of guilt and innocence are not in effect, but you should still not be angry at the person, since Hashem did make him be successful. In other words, if someone shoots someone else, the victim may not be as guilty as he normally would have to be in order to sustain such damage through a non-Baal bechirah, but despite his not being so guilty, Hashem still was involved in his being shot. But even according to those who say it is part of Hashem's plan, it doesn’t mean that Hashem involved the murderer. The murderer involved himself. The person would indeed have died of natural causes, but the murderer wanted to murder him and decided to murder him, and so the murderer did. That is why he gets punished - because he independently decided to commit the murder. Yes, G-d knew he would decide this, but so what? That doesn’t make the murderer any less evil. The decision to murder and the attempt to murder someone is what makes someone evil - and this murderer did all that. In a case where you put yourself in danger, the danger is given permission to attempt to hurt you because if you violate the Mitzvah of V'Nihsmartem, by putting yourself in a sakanah, the punishment is, you can get hurt. So you did that to yourself with your Bechirah, and Bechirah is not pre-determined.

Understand that, even according to the Ohr HaChaim and Zohar, that a Baal Bechirah can override the default plan Hashem had for you, they definitely agree that if Hashem wants he can intervene and save you form the Baal Bechirah - He can even turn your neck to stone if He will it. It’s only that the level of intervention needed on the part of Hashem is difficult to merit - "zeiin inun dnitzli mibaalei bechirah". However, Bitachon can provide that merit needed for even proactive intervention by Hashem. So according to them [it’s not just that]  that because Hashem is protecting me therefore I have bitachon, but rather, since I have bitachon therefore Hashem is protecting me.

How does the ohr hachaim / Zohar camp deal w/ the pasuk: "Hashem Li Lo Irah, Mah Yaaseh Li Odom" ?

That was the Brisker Rav's proof against the Ohr HaChaim.

I would venture to say that the Ohr Hachaim would hold something like Rav Yisroel Salanter's idea of Bitachon (not like the Chazon Ish) - that Bitachon can enable someone to obtain something they otherwise would not have obtained. So if you have Bitachon that you will get a gold watch, you will.

Therefore, even according to the Ohr HaChaim and Zohar, that a Baal Bechirah can override the default plan Hashem had for you, they definitely agree that if Hashem wants he can intervene and save you form the Baal Bechirah - He can even turn your neck to stone if He will it.

It’s only that the level of intervention needed on the part of Hashem is difficult to merit - "zeiin inun dnitzli mibaalei bechirah".

However, Bitachon can provide that merit needed for even proactive intervention by Hashem.

[The discussion here got a little involved, and still just the tip of the iceberg for sure, so apologies for less readability. I may post some selections outside of the text wall]

According to the Ohr HaChaim, which is based on the Zohar, the decisions of a Baal Bechirah[one with free will, a person] can override Hashgacha Pratis in this sense. In other words, if it was originally destined for a person to keep his job, and someone exercised his Bechirah to fire the person, then that person will end up fired. In order for him to not be fired, Hashem would have to intervene with a much-greater-than-usual level of Hashgacha, which usually does not happen.

In context, he is talking about Yosef HaTzadik, who was thrown into a pit of snakes and scorpions in order to "test" to see whether Hashem wanted Yosef alive or not. The Ohr HaChaim asks, if the brothers wanted to see if Hashem would save Yosef, why did they have to throw him into a snake pit? Why couldn't they just stab him in the chest or hit him with a rock?

His answer is, had Yosef died because the brothers hit him with a rock, it would not have shown that Hashem wanted Yosef dead. Because even had Hashem wanted Yosef alive, because the brothers are Baalei Bechirah, they would have been able to kill Yosef even if Hashem's plan was for him to remain alive. A Baal Bechirah can override Hashem's original plan. But snakes and scorpions have no bechirah and they only bite someone when Hashem tells them to. The default level of Hashgacha employed by Hashem in this world can be overridden by Baalei Bechirah.

We should understand this in a similar way that we understand the effects of a Makom Sakanah. If the default value of Hashem's world plan is that Reuven for example should live till 120, if Reuven hangs around in dangerous places, he may die prematurely, because once a Makom Sakanah is involved, the default level of Hashgacha that is used by Hashem to run the world can be overridden.

So too when a Baal Bechirah endangers someone, it is like a super Makom Sakanah. An entirely new level of intervention is needed by Hashem in order to save this person.

Of course, Hashem can always save someone, even by turning his neck to stone. But that is rare. Usually a Baal Bechirah wins over everyday Hashgacha. As the Zohar says: זעירין אינון דניצלי מבעלי בחירה.

But not everyone holds like that. The Chovos Halevovs, just to name one, holds that if someone hurts you, that means there was a decree Min HaShamayim that you should be hurt. 

And the answer to your question [how someone can be punished for hurting someone], even though there is a Gezeirah MinHaShamayim that Reuven should be killed, for example, there is no Gezeirah that Shimon should be the one to kill him. Shimon chooses to kill Reuven on his own.

But still, Shimon would be unable to kill Reuven unless Hashem allows him to succeed. he needs opportunity, motivation, and the convergence of countless factors that make Shimon ready, willing and able to kill his friend. Hashem provides Shimon with those factors, and Shimon provides one thing: The decision to commit the murder. Hashem knows Shimon chose to kill Reuven, or would choose to kill him under certain circumstances. For that decision, Shimon is a Rasha. If Hashem does not have mercy on the Rasha, He will allow him the circumstances, and sometimes even proactively provide him with the circumstances, to carry out his Bechirah-decision to kill.

Sometimes, if Hashem's judgement deems it just, He will go out of His way to manipulate things in order to allow Shimon to kill Reuven, per the rules of בדרך שהאדם רוצה לילך מוליכין אותו and הבא לטמא פותחין לו. (See also Medrash Tanchuma Vayeshev 4 - Norah Alilah al Bnei Adam.)

Hashem may even manipulate events so that Shimon gets hurt because of Reuven so Shimon would have motive to kill him. He can also make them meet in a dark alley on a day when the local police force are on strike, and that Shimon happened to have just found a loaded gun on the street, all so that Shimon's Bechirah decision to kill Reuven will come to fruition. Hashem knows this will happen, but בדרך שהאדם רוצה לילך מוליכין אותו.

Shimon chooses to be a murderer. Reuven has a Gezeirah on him that he will be murdered. Hashem manipulates events so that the Rasha's decision comes to fruition.

If there would be nobody who chooses to kill Reuven, Hashem makes sure that there is. He can cause people to be born at certain times and in certain places, to go through certain life experiences, and have certain interactions with the intended victim. Hashem manipulates entire universes so that His plans will be actualized.

People make choices; Hashem takes those choices and makes His plans happen,