#hamitrash

Things could change in a matter of seconds. One minute you could be fine and the next, you’re alone in this empty void. You don’t know how you got in or why you are in. All you know is that you’re stuck. “Why can’t you admit that you are scared? ” “Excuse me? ” “You heard me. One minute you’re all up and close to me, and the next minute you are acting like I’m the most repulsive creature ever! I-it’s like you’re scared of me Gilbert! ” Lafayette was in the void a lot. You could say that it was his happy place? A way for him to think his way out of situations he could not control. He did not like when he wasn’t in charge of his life. “I’m not scared Alexander,” “Oh yeah? If you’re not, then how come you don’t want to make us official? If you even cared about me then you would at least tell me why.” “I do care, ” “Obviously not! ” This is not the first falling out.  Though, this is the farthest they have ever gotten in the conversation. Most of the time Alex would get so frustrated that he would have to leave, or it would lead to some mislead make-up sex.  Not fixing the big elephant in the room each time. And it appears time was up, and this was the final straw “Look, I’m not saying I don’t like you. I do. I just, ” “You what laf? Say it. Say you’re afraid. Say that you’re scared to be with me. Fucking be a man and say it!” Alex seethed narrowing his eyes at the taller man. He smacked his teeth when he didn’t get a response. “I knew it,” he whispered nodding his head and backing away “I knew it. You don’t even have the balls to tell me why. You know what, ” he sighed turning around and grabbing his keys and wallet mumbling incoherent words to no one. Alex made it to the door before speaking his last words to the man he loved “I guess I wasn’t important enough to you.” ••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Three pounds on the door woke Alex from his late-night slumber. He groaned checking his phone to see it was 4:26 am before sliding out the bed and heading towards the door. To his surprise, it was Laf. A very drunk and laf. “What are you doing here? ” he sighed rubbing his eyes. He honestly did not have the strength to deal with this. Lafayette said something, but it was way to slurred to comprehend. He pushed his way in much to Alex’s dismay “Hey! What the-” he groaned and closed the door moving towards the swaying man. “No, ” laf managed to get out jerking his arm out of Alex’s grip “laf, I don’t have time to deal with you right now. Let me take care of you.” The taller boy shook his head and turned away from the tired lad “I don’t wa-ant your help. ” “Then why are you here? You made it very clear that you don’t want to be with me and I am trying to move on. I-i don’t understand.” “I came to tell you something.” “Then hurry up and spit it out so you can leave.” Shot Alex rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.” “Oh, really now? It’s too late for that.”

“No, Alex I-” Laf tried to say but was interrupted by the impatient man named Alexander Hamilton. “You know what? No. I’m going through this again. I can’t keep going in these circles with you. Just, let me go.”

After a good moment of silence, Lafayette finally spoke “Are you done yet?” “What?” “You know, interrupting me like you always do. Honestly, it’s funny how many times you can use that aspect. Quite impressive.”

“Oh, grow up Gilbert. This is sad.” “No what is sad is that you won’t let me get out a God damn sentence before jumping to conclusions like always!” he yelled punching the wall scaring Alex so much that he jumped back with wide eyes

“Laf,” “I’m sorry I,” he paused and breathed in “I was scared. Alright? I finally admitted it. Happy now?” he laughed raking his fingers through his hair. “I was afraid because I didn’t want you to leave me like others have. With my parents’ sudden death and with my past relationships, I didn’t want to feel that familiar pain again. “

By now he was on the couch with his head in his hands shaking his head. “It’s ok, Laf.” “No, it’s not! I tried to protect myself and, in the end, I hurt you! That is not what I wanted! At all.” he said voice cracking at the end causing Alex to look up at his former lover.  He noticed the tears streaming down his face. His heart ached badly, he did not like to see the person he loved crying let alone upset.

“Lafayette, you weren’t trying to. I know sometimes I can be a little ‘much’ and I may have pressured you into telling me.” Alex started but Laf shook his head “You just wanted to be exclusive and I was dragging it along. I didn’t think about how it was affecting you or if you were fine. I should have cared more.”

 Alex, for the first time in a while, did not know what to say. He did not expect his night to go down like this. With everything that happened between them, he didn’t think that it would lead to him condoling his ex-lover.   “Get some sleep. We’ll talk about it in the morning.” He replied softly making laf lay down.

He quickly got a spare pillow and blanket and tucked the already sleeping man in before going to the kitchen to get a glass of water and headed to the bathroom where he got some ibuprofen. He set them on the table and looked at Laf. “What am I going to do with you?” he questioned rubbing his tear stained cheeks and pushing the hair out of his face.