#hamhammoody

The moment you realize you're never going to be the person you used to be is a very hard moment. You'll never be that small again, or that innocent, or that daring. Your body will begin to creak, and your favorite pair of jeans won't go over your hips anymore. Your mind will run in seven different directions, and you'll learn what it means to be a parent and a child at the same time. You'll learn what it feels like to grieve the person you thought you were or maybe even the person you thought you'd become. You'll think you're the only person losing the parts of yourself that really made you who you are despite knowing everyone else is also on their own journey. Oh, how scary it is to realize you have grown.

I have a learning disability. It makes it really hard to take what I know and put it on paper. I've never truly been diagnosed, but I know it exists. I have a learning disability and I've spent too many nights for me to count, trying to express the words inside my head in a way that makes sense with little to no results. I dreamed of being a writer, and I try year after year, but that dream has yet to come true.

I want to run a 5K this year.

One of my students told me she has a crush on someone in our class and that her crush isn't a boy... "she is a girl" and all I had to say back was "I thought so!" before almost giving her a high five. Middle School is honestly such a weird place and it makes me happy to see my little bi child enjoy and understand the gay panic I never got the chance to recognize.

As pride month has officially come to an end, I feel the need to add to the conversation, several thoughts that have been on my mind this year. Our identity and validation for that identity do not - and should not - be based upon our public practice of said identity. I came out as bisexual to my best friend almost 4 years ago. He was incredibly accepting where my boyfriend at the time and several of my other friends were not. I've never felt comfortable or safe telling my family so I haven't. (Which is my right to. We are all allowed to decide who does and does not know.) I don't feel comfortable actively dating a girl in public for this reason. This doesn't make me any less of a 20-something-year-old bisexual mess of a girl. My feelings are still valid and they still matter despite the lack of open practice of my identity. The fact I'm not dating a girl does not make me suddenly straight as so many assume. Yes, I am in a committed relationship with my best friend now and I'm pretty positive he will be the person I will build my future with, but this doesn't make me any less bisexual. He incourages me to not be ashamed of how I'm feeling and who I'm attracted to as my celebrity/stranger crush at the moment (especially if it is a girl). Most people in my life don't know my identity, but as I've gotten older I've learned that that's okay. Not everyone has to know because at the end of the day the only person who really needs to know and have acceptance is myself. So I encourage those young bisexuals out there to strive for inner acceptance and validation more than anything else. You'll truly understand your identity at that point which will allow the fun part to really begin... living your best little bisexual life!

Sometimes I think of mean things to say to people I actually like and have to remind myself that the only way to keep friends is to actually be nice to them and not remind them how unfunny they are.