Jan 31
Failure is “success” spelled backwards.
This came to me at an ungodly hour of the night (10pm). And you know what? I stand by that. Failure IS success spelled backwards.
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Failure is “success” spelled backwards.
This came to me at an ungodly hour of the night (10pm). And you know what? I stand by that. Failure IS success spelled backwards.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Quiet Ambition 🎧💪
Building a better version of myself, one rep at a time. There’s a certain kind of peace found in the burn and the beat of a favorite playlist. No shortcuts, just consistency and the drive to see what I’m truly capable of. Focus on the goal, not the obstacles.
it’s always been you vs you. no one’s coming to carry your dreams for you. no rescues. no shortcuts. no mercy. fight. build. rise.
making ends meet
monday morning gus was faced with some hefty bills. he invested in a couple chicks so that when they’re older he san sell their eggs. he also picked an odd job to deliver some kalua pork so he asked the locals for a good recipe. mix all that with some beach combing and he was able to pay them by the end of the day!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I've been thinking a lot recently about my disability, the unknown autoimmune disease, and like what could have caused it.
And of course, it could have been spurred by Covid, or stress, or so many other things. But I am of the mind that it could have been caused by my obvious burnout from the above. From covid, stress, and college.
I took about eight years to finish my bachelor's degree. For many reasons. Financial, Needed a full time job and couldn't do both, couldn't figure out a solid major, etc. And once I restarted college at the university during Covid, since I had lost my job at Starbucks at the time, I wanted to go quick. I wanted it to be over with. I wanted to finally FINISH.
So I did full time school for a year, committed to a major and minor. And then my unemployment payments dried up after a year. So I had to do full time school AND a part time job. The job I chose wasn't that bad. I worked part time at a sex toy shop. Sure the company itself left little to be desired (playboy industries). But it was a cool job cause I got to "test out" the toys, (usually meaning like, on my hand, duh), and explain to customers how they could be used. And I felt like I was also actually using my degree during this. (Sexuality and Gender studies).
Then, my senior year I ALSO took on an internship at the Queer Resource Center on my University Campus. And that was an extra 16 hours a week. So effectively, I was juggling THREE JOBS. That, my part time job, and my senior coursework to culminate into a final research project.
You could say I was already within the throws of burnout, cause I was. But I was "keeping up with it". I was getting adequate sleep, I was still on socials, participating in hobbies, doing chores. I *thought* I was *fine*.
The biggest mistake I made, was when I graduated. I started applying to jobs AS SOON as I graduated. I felt this pressure to get more money, to live up to my degree, to contribute more to my household. Even though I was already paying my portion of rent and bills just fine with the part time job. And no one was asking me to do this. Not my parents, not my partner. Just myself.
After a few months, I did land a job. A state job. Applying my degree. It was exactly what I wanted. I quit my part time job. I Committed fully to the full time job (which was three months of mind numbing computer trainings first), and I was good at it.
Then six months in, I crashed.
I started having nightmares, waking up in cold sweats. I started having horrible joint pain. I couldn't think straight during the day and had horrible brain fog. And it only escalated from there. And being neurodivergent too, I was struggling to understand aspects of the in person office, and neurotypical people's attitudes and reactions. That didn't help.
Which brings us here. I'm on leave from the full time job on paid leave until the paid leave ends. And I don't know if I can even go back. From my constantly worsening disease, etc.
I don't really have advice to give, this was mostly a rant for myself. But I guess...if I had to give advice it would be SLOW DOWN.
Please for the love of the gods slow down. The grind mindset is fucking poison. You will hurt yourself. And if you think you won't, you're lying to yourself.
Another thing to add: Yes I acknowledge theres a lot of privilege steeped in this experience. This is just my experience and what I take from it in context of soul crushing capitalism.
...Cruelty Squad is like a funko pop; deeply horrifying in one way, but also stupid enough to laugh at. The level 'Paradise' sees a goo food startup embezzling money to buy chunko pops and urban planets. 'Seaside Shock' parodies Peter Thiel's insane libertarian utopia of floating, government-free cities. 'Maul Madness' imagines the mega mall as a sort of consumer cathedral, full of winding catacombs and hidden spirits. Most of the game's NPCs dispense wisdom that could have come straight from an entrepreneur's twitter account. The game is darkly comedic, and although it leans more towards the darkness as it goes on, the absurd satire never really goes away. It's a tone that I like a lot, and it mirrors its subject matter well. Billionaires travelling to space just to one-up each other is funny, but the pile of bodies they climb to get there definitely isn't. It's worth mentioning at this point that nobody I know really seems to be intrigued or interested in Cruelty Squad. I think getting into it requires you to be plugged into a very specific internet death matrix of cryptocurrencies, technocratic corporations, and politics. Its satire really only lands if you're exposed to anime nazis, epic bacon Elon Musk worshippers, and startup advice guys on a regular basis. And if that's how you like to punish yourself, Cruelty Squad perfectly embodies those people and the world they want to live in. They even included the GameStop short squeeze.
Your lifestyle is only ‘unsustainable’ if you can’t sustain it.
Me crying myself to bed every night is my way of sustaining it