Griffith didn't sacrifice the Band of the Hawk for his dream. He did it because he hated himself.
I came across someone else's post, and suddenly it hit me: this is the most honest reading of Griffith I've ever seen.
Everyone says: "He wanted a castle. He was obsessed with his dream."
But let's be real.
Selfβloathing was always there.
β The day he sold his body. He already knew the price.
β Asking Guts: "Am I too cruel?" He wasn't asking β he was checking himself.
β He always sensed something was wrong inside. He just never let it stop him.
Then came a year of torture.
Paralysis. Total helplessness.
A man who controlled everything β now couldn't even control his own body.
And on top of that β Guts.
His Guts.
The one he had "claimed."
The one who was his equal.
Alive.
Living his own life.
Without him.
It wasn't jealousy. It was worse.
The realisation that you're no longer needed. That you're the past. That the world moves on, and you're stuck in the mud, hollow, with nothing ahead.
Yes, the dream remained. It was always there. But when you're empty inside, a dream isn't a driving force. It's the last anchor. The only thing keeping you from falling into the abyss.
But an anchor only holds if there's something to hold on to. And there wasn't.
Then came the Eclipse.
Not calculation.
Not strategy.
Just the only way out of a state you can't exist in.
He sacrificed those he loved β not because he craved power.
But because he hated himself so much he was ready to become someone everyone would hate.
Just so he wouldn't have to stay the person he hated himself.
---
A personal note.
I've sacrificed people (not literally) and goals many times in my life. And every time I looked back and thought: "Why?"
Only years later I understood.
It was never calculation.
It was never strategy.
It was always the same feeling:
"I won't be able to keep this."
Inner uncertainty. Fear I wouldn't manage. The belief that what I was holding would break anyway β so I'd rather break it myself.
I'm not justifying Griffith.
I just recognise that mechanism.
Sometimes people sacrifice what's dearest not because they want something greater. But because deep inside they're convinced: "I don't deserve this. I won't be able to hold it."
So it's easier to burn everything yourself than to watch it burn without you.
