#greiving process

124.4kg

I've put on 9kg since January 28th this year.

Given how this year has been, that's not really so surprising. I'm not happy with where my body is at the moment, but I'm not surprised.

I'm at an awkward kind of point with my weight and [non-chronic illness] health where I'm so exhausted from everything that I've been dealing with that I just want to rest and try to find myself again. But at the same time, I want to be working to move more and eat better, and get my house in better shape, even though I have to pack it up soon so I can have it demolished.

Part of finding myself again is going out into nature, and when I got to the point of doing that more regularly, that will help a lot. I was going to go to walking group today, but my mental health is not doing so well, and I'm verging on anxiety attacks a lot of the time. The people at walking group are lovely and most of them I consider friends, but I couldn't have coped with being asked "How are you doing?" that many times today without having a full-on attack.

Next week I'm going to see how I go with picking up the threads I need to get on with the process of organising the new house. Once that is happening again, I'll need to get on with packing, which is very physical and tiring, so that will be my main exercise for the foreseeable future, interspersed with trips out to recalibrate with nature.