Weight 19/7/2022: 128.9kg

Weight 2/10/2022: 132.2kg

Loss/Gain: 3.3kg

Overall Loss/Gain: .9kg

Humm, okay, I thought I'd weighed in much more recently than this. Guess not!

Well anyway - I've been back up around 131-132ish kilograms for a while now. And I haven't been taking any real action towards losing weight or improving my fitness. Obviously.

I'm still... There's a big part of me that is completely sick and tired of the way I look and feel right now (no self-hatred, though, which is a nice change!). And I really do want to change and get back to being a person who actually feels like *me*.

But there's this kind of hopeless frustration and lack of drive that's still preventing me from doing a lot of things I want and need to do. I've managed to break through with my writing, because that's something I can easily keep track of on a day-to-day basis.

I'm not sure about using a tracker/accountability app for fitness and weight loss, though, because of my tendency to fixate on calorie intake and inadvertently aim below my recommended intake, which is bad for my chronic reflux and IBS etc. Not to mention my mental health.

Perhaps I need to make a clean-slate "fitblr", since my main tumblr here is a complete mix of dash content now, and use that to help me focus? IDK, I guess I can try something like that and hope that there are more than just 20-something fitness models out there these days! 😅 I have nothing against 20-something fitness models, per se, but when you're closing in on 50 and full of creaky joints, their content is not aimed at you!!

Anyway. I've always been the "make 500 separate tumblrs for separation" queen, so I think I'm going to go and do that and see if that helps me with my focus, planning, and tracking.

Weight 4/7/2022: 128.4kg

Weight 19/7/2022: 128.9kg

Loss/Gain: .5kg

Weight 25/6/2022: 131.3kg

Weight 4/7/2022: 128.4kg

Weight Loss Goal: Lose 36.3kg (131.3-95kg)

Measurements Goal: I’m not sure what to aim for with my measurements, but I would like to get my stomach (measured at the navel) much closer to my waist measurement (measured just below the ribs, I have a ridiculously high waist). 

Fitness Goals: I hate being sedentary and unfit, so this is where a lot of my focus is going to go, trying to find a new balance that allows for chronic pain as well as fatigue. 

exercise 7 days per fortnight

increase work outs monthly

work on incorporating resistance and/or weight training

increase walking distances

basically just get to the point where I can move much more

Food Goals:

cut out soft drinks, stick to mostly water

mint biscuits and ice cream are to be very, very rare treats

hot chips no more than fortnightly

cook good things in bulk and freeze

be aware of portion sizes, don’t “upsize” to counter flagging energy

Timeline:

I think with my current energy levels and executive dysfunction, aiming for two years is a good goal.

Exercise I need to get onto immediately. For myself, and because I need to get Galahad back to the beach for water physio.

126.9kg

Added 2.5kg since November. *sigh*

124.4kg

I've put on 9kg since January 28th this year.

Given how this year has been, that's not really so surprising. I'm not happy with where my body is at the moment, but I'm not surprised.

I'm at an awkward kind of point with my weight and [non-chronic illness] health where I'm so exhausted from everything that I've been dealing with that I just want to rest and try to find myself again. But at the same time, I want to be working to move more and eat better, and get my house in better shape, even though I have to pack it up soon so I can have it demolished.

Part of finding myself again is going out into nature, and when I got to the point of doing that more regularly, that will help a lot. I was going to go to walking group today, but my mental health is not doing so well, and I'm verging on anxiety attacks a lot of the time. The people at walking group are lovely and most of them I consider friends, but I couldn't have coped with being asked "How are you doing?" that many times today without having a full-on attack.

Next week I'm going to see how I go with picking up the threads I need to get on with the process of organising the new house. Once that is happening again, I'll need to get on with packing, which is very physical and tiring, so that will be my main exercise for the foreseeable future, interspersed with trips out to recalibrate with nature.

120.5kg

A whole 100g less than last time I weighed myself, lol!

120.6kg

I haven't weighed myself properly for I don't know how long. I haven't been concerned about losing weight, just staying as healthy as possible. But since losing my father and stepmother, I haven't been moving much and I haven't been eating well, and both of those things have led to me putting on weight that is making me feel sluggish and blah.

Currently, we are still clearing out the house, Doing that has meant I have to be on my feet a certain amount, and I've been eating better during the day, but not so much in the evening. Also, too much bread, which tends to cause me to hold a bit more weight.

I finally weighed myself the other morning and I’m at 115.4kg. I just checked back on here, and that’s the same as I was back in July. Given that I’ve been living with stress and a less than ideal kitchen situation, I’m perfectly okay with being stable body wise for the past six months.

So, I took a photo of the side of my neck for reference trying to work out a tattoo design. And I haven't looked at my profile too much lately, so seeing that my jawline has disappeared again is disappointing.

This year has been so exhausting, I really do want to concentrate on eating better and getting out more, but concentrating on anything is so freaking hard.

I keep hoping things will settle down and I'll get my focus back when I get "this one thing" sorted, but "one thing"s just keep happening.

The past month or so has not been good for weight loss. I’m having issues most likely related to my IBS, and am fluctuating around 5kg, sometimes from one day to the next.

2/6/20: 115.4kg  3/7/20: 113.5kg

Loss: 1.9kg

I realised yesterday afternoon that I’d forgotten to weigh in on the morning of the first and  the second, so whoopsie, but better late then never?