Sexually, I consider myself demisexual-graysexual flux, where I'm typically graysexual, but on occasion, it shifts to demisexual. I believe that still applies. Now for the romantic portion? Here we go!

I've been asking myself for a few months now if I am biromantic. I came to the conclusion a couple of hours ago that when it comes to women, there is a high possibility that I'm greyromantic. I've only had one instance where I was aesthetically attracted to a female coworker and imagined what it would be like to kiss her. That was 8 or 9 years ago now. I don't recall that happening again since.

When it comes to men, I have strong aesthetic attraction, and usually because of that, romantic attraction sprouts. More often than not, the romantic attraction fades. There have only been a few instances where it didn't: the first was my first love in high school, in which I didn't experience sexual attraction; the second was my second love in college, where I wasn't aesthetically attracted to him, but we had a strong bond almost off the bat, so I became romantically attracted to him (whoa, is that demiromanticism happening??). I'll pause here because in both of these instances, they claimed to be okay with me saying I was saving myself for marriage, but both eventually said things that made it clear they wanted to have sex. I wasn't sexually attracted to either of them.

The third instance, though, was a strange online "relationship" I had a few years ago. I did experience sexual attraction with this guy, but it was because of our conversations, which were overtly romantic, so I missed no signals, and then the conversations turned sexual. I'm not ashamed to say there was sexting involved in that, and for all intents and purposes, I count him as my "first" (and only at this point) sexual encounter.

The only other sexual attraction I've experienced with a man happened years after I felt aesthetic and romantic attraction to a first-distant, now closer friend. I had a crush on him since after college, and it wasn't until a year or so ago I felt a strong surge of sexual attraction. I know the two of us wouldn't work out because he's attracted to someone close to me, but when that sexual attraction hit, I was SHOOK. I'm almost sure if there is a one out there for me to find, they will have all of the characteristics that I love about this guy and then match the rest of the missing pieces.

I am also aesthetically attracted to androgynous boys (see all those The Untamed posts from yesterday), so that means I may also be attracted to enbys who were born male. I haven't really tread that road much, as I don't know or haven't met any, and at 35, I'd be surprised if I do. But I do enjoy their look. I also love a "masculine" man with long hair, so ... anything can happen??

Alright, so where does that leave me? Definitely demisexual-graysexual flux still. Is there some term that differentiates grayromanticism towards women but alloromanticism towards men? Or am I still biromantic because I like men and possibly enbys who were born male? Any expert aros who can chime in?