#grass wizard

I’ve had this image in my mind all day so I had to make it, Joshua best father

Dva and Mercy’s Awesome Escapade

By Mackenzie Jackhammer aka TheGreennite

One fine day, dva was enjoying a fine breakfast consisting of Dorito Flakes in Mountain Dew. Her bestest friend forever in the wole 🌎, mercy, was there too.

Mercy was trying on different halos to figure out what to wear for the big overwatch reunion prom that was happening next week. Dva Dorito thought that was a waste of time because all the people there were just going to be lame and not even want to talk about memes or the illuminati like she wanted to do.

“Why do you even wanna go to the prom, mercy? It's not gonna be fun like at all.” Dva said while chewing her elite cereal.

“Because I heard Soldier was going to be there.” Mercy removed the shiny yellow halo on her head and replaced it with a slightly more shiny golden halo. “Do you think this will impress him, Hana?”

Mercy said, doing a little twirl and fanning those glowy wing things on her back.

“Eww don't call me by my scrub normie name, Mercinator!!” Dva really got peeved off when people called her Hana. It sounded too much like Hanzo, who she secretly had the biggest crush on. He didn't want anything to do with her though because some asshole neighbor of hers launched nukes at his honorable homeland of No-Gaijin-Allowed-Honamura. “And I dunno, like. Maybe? You've got the wierdest tastes in daddies,” a statement that once said, elicited the largest of frowns on mercy’s ageless angelic aryan face.

“Please never say that again, DEE VUH,  76 is a highly respectable member of the overwatch.” The extra emphasis on her companion’s gamer tag was made while making one of those crazy GMod faces like you'd see back in the days when people played GOOD GAMES like Team Fortress 2 or Left 4 Dead. “And if you don't want to go, you don't have to. No one's forcing you.” Mercy then Harrumphed really petulantly.

“It's not that I don't wanna go, I just know…..SHE….is gonna be there.” Dva made the sign of the 1337 Cross, as she was a really devout CHR15714N.

“What, you mean Lena? She's so nice, though!” Mercy put her hands on her sweet delicious german hips all condescendingly.

“Noooooo she isnttttttt tracer is fucking cancer o h m y g o d” Dva began to devolve into mini dva, which made everything she said and did better for trolling the shit of of ridiculously fast people like Doomfist.

Just then, their next door neighbor walked in without knocking or announcing his prescence. It was that asshole, Jamal the Grass Wizard. He sniffed really fuckin loudly and then the canned sitcom laughter played. Dva didn't know why that happened, but she never questioned it. Grass Wizards weren't just adored assholes loved by society at large, they also had reality breaking mindfuck powers drawn from their overabundant usage of crystal cokainum, the strongest legal drug on the Neutral Grey Markets.

“Sup.” Jamal said. “Any of you seen my roommate?”

Dva and Mercy looked at each other and then back at the glorious grass wizard and then at the closet and then at each other and then at jamal that fucking piece of shit. “No” they both said in a lore-friendly canon way.

“Oh. Damn.” Jamal said after sniffing again. “Well, if you see him, tell him that Yuffster and Sepiroth are late on their Lawn Protection Money and that I need him for a thing unrelated to that.”

The two miraculous savoiurs looked at each other and nodded their heads “yeah sure thing jamal” dva said as mercy continued “but we're kind of in the middle of something important so could you go now”

Jamal stared right at me in my hiding place in the closet and I'm freaking the fuck out oh shit oh fuck he knows but instead he just said “cool. Thanks.”

Then he walked out and Dva continued where they left off before that piece of gobbledygooshgossh walked in and ruined my damn story.

“I hate tracer because she is always talking about her collection of miniature puggles!” It was like. The most annoying thing in the world.

“I feel like something important was supposed to happen just now but we avoided it thanks to a convenient coincidence.” Mercy responded, compelled to completely ignore her roommate's comment. “What were we talking about?”

Dva pounded the last big of cheesy citrus caffeine sludge in her cereal bowl before saying “I was saying that your fetishes are gross and that we don't need to go to the Overbutt Prom.”

Mercy opened the closet doors and took the Valkyrie skin I handed her. “Thanks, Mackenzie.” She said. I would have responded, but my crippling social anxiety prevented it. Instead, I kind of had a seizure and closed the door.

“Ah, perfect! This outfit looks perfect for the overbbooty ball.” She spun around again and I kept having my seizure as Dva checked the windows for watchers from The League.

“Well, whatever. Jamal is gone, you should be safe, Mackenzie.” Dva said, pulling me out of my safey safe closet. I tried to respond in thanks, but being touched by girl hands triggered another axiety seizure.

“Geeze, Jamal, are you okay? I haven't seen you this fucked in the head since your canon adventure with Yuffie, Sephiroth, Cait Sith, and Tifa!” Dva seemed pretty concerned about me but I assured her that I was okay. At least I think I did. Seizures don't translate into english well.

“Oh, come now, Dva.” Mercy said, resting a hand on my shoulder and sucking the life force out of my eyes with her steely fuehrer ubergaze. “I'm sure everything is just….dandy.”

That's when the wall exploded.