#grace it

    That was what she instinctively thought of the second she met his eyes. Lie again,just as she had been doing this whole trip. She could keep up the charade a bit longer,right?

....

No

Neither of them deserved that. They never did. 

    She let out a deep breath before walking to the child and crouching down to meet her terrified gaze. "Hey, Hazel, its okay"

 "I-I'm sorry" Hazel sobbed,chest heaving with each shaky breath. "I-I didn't m-mean to"

"It's okay Hazel" Grace repeated for her sake. "Don't worry about it"

"But I promised to control it" She forced herself to say through sniffles. 

"You couldn't help it," The woman said softly. "Its my fault for making you hold it for so long"

"Are...Are you mad at me?" Hazel asked,each possibly answer concocted by her mind scarier than the last. 

"No,I'm not"

"You…You aren’t leaving me,are you?"

"Of course not" She opened her arms,a kind smile on her face. "You're still Hazel and that’s all that matters"

     Tears turned to waterfalls,the girl throwing herself into the other's embrace. Grace held her close,a hand running through her messy blonde hair. The only remnant of her past form,still just as tangled and fluffy as before. A finger landed on the hard shell that rest on her back,smile falling.

"We just won't tell Simon”

   Why did she ever think she could get away with this? It was only a matter of time before everything fell apart. Still,the possibility of what could have been was enough to keep her lips shut. The image of the baby faced girl hanging off the train's edge,fingers slipping off one by one until she vanished into the darkness below the bridge and into the deadly wheels...it was far more horrifying than any death she could have imagined for herself. 

"Grace,what is this?"

   She cringed at the familiar mix of confusion and anger. Hearing his tone she would normally play into their once shared fantasy,but this time was different. She couldn't afford to fall back now just for his sake.

   She looked back to the boy,voice stern. "Simon,we...I've been hiding something"

"Obviously!" He motioned towards the child,a sneer on his face. "What the Hell is this?!"

   The eldest woman grew wide eyed at the realization. “Of course,the turtles!”  She ran a hand through her hair,memories flooding back to her like a broken dam. "It was just a stupid hankerchief"

    She turned her attention back towards the child,Hazel quick to bury her face in Grace’s chest. Her eyebrows furrowed before she got to her knees to examine closer. In every other car her attempts led to nothing but failure,a turtle that could hold a conversation while on a long stroll at the most. It was no easy feat but it was all child's play compared to this,an almost entirely human being. “I’ve gotten closer than I could ever imagine”

“What are you talking about?!” Simon asked yet again,frustration dripping through his words. 

“The child,she’s not a passenger. She's one of my failed attempts at making Alrick" Amelia explained,surprised by her own words. “She’s the anomaly I’ve been tracking”

“So...Hazel is a clone of your dead boyfriend?” In all her eighteen years Grace had seen many strange things but this...this was something even she couldn't imagine.

“No,not a clone” The woman clarified,arms crossed. “Something...Something else…”

"I'm Hazel!" The child cried through a cracked voice.

"Debatable" She thought for a moment,mind buzzing with a million thoughts and questions. There had to be some reason this little experiment took such a wildly different detour,so close to a want she had attempted to smother long ago. This time it wouldn't be for her own self interest,this time it would be for science or whatever justification she could come up with that didn't send her back to step one. 

"I’ll take things from here on" She finally decided. "The girl will need to be quarantined before the pulse returns"

     She reached out to grab a frail arm,Grace immediately turning to shield the trembling child. "I don't know why you think Hazel will make your boyfriend come back but I’m not letting you take her"

"I don't have time to argue with you" Amelia reached once more,the other jumping to her feet with Hazel in her arms. 

"You are not taking her with you"

"If the pulse passes through any car with her inside it will be ejected" The woman said,agitated by her defiance. “If you take her every car you go through will have to be dismantled from the ground up!”

"I'm not letting you take her," Grace repeated, stepping back. “Make new cars or just-just ignore her like you did before!”

“I wasn’t ignoring her” Amelia snapped “ I didn’t even know she existed”

“Then keep ignoring her!” The girl yelled out,her hold on the child tight. “You’ve done it for six years and you only want her now when you think she’s useful?”

“I don’t need her for anything! She is a danger to this train and everyone on it!” Amelia shouted,hands curled into fists. 

    The feeling of tears on her shirt returned,Grace looking back down to Hazel. “Don’t listen to her Hazel”

"Grace,let her go"

The girl looked to Simon,eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

“Just leave her with the old woman,we’ll go around the outside and get home” He said,as if they weren't in the middle of a heated spat. 

Her shoulders slumped,heart dropping to her stomach. “Simon…”

"It’s just a null," He said bluntly. "Why do you care about it so much?”

“Because…” What answer could she come up with to satisfy him? Nothing she could think of made sense,even to her.

   A sudden realization hit,the boy pointing to Hazel. “That's why your number's going down "

   She raised an eyebrow at the idea. "What are you talking about?"

"Think about it,your number has been going down ever since we met it" His tone grew more bitter with each word. "You've been changing ever since this whole mess started!"

"You know what..." She hesitated for a moment,mind clearing once she heard a soft whimper from her side. "Maybe I should change"

He tensed,anger morphing to confusion. "W...What?"

"Simon,she's still a kid," Grace said firmly. "She's just like any of the Apex. You would never wheel one of our kids because they did something you didn't like"

"She isn't one of our kids!" Simon shouted. "She's just some mistake made by the train,we don't need her and she doesn't need us!"

"We said she was part of the Apex,just like any of the other kids we rescued" She could still remember the excited smile that graced her face when the red,now meaningless, squiggle was drawn across the bridge of her nose. She had done it a thousand times before with pride yet now the memory left a sour taste in her mouth. 

"That was before I found out she was like this!"

"So you lied to her"

       The boy froze,breathing coming to a halt. No...N-No,he wasn't a liar. He told Hazel - no - the null, everything when they first met. She was going to be part of the Apex as long as she was brave and the human Hazel was brave in her own way. That was the one reason he kept pushing and pushing for them to hurry up this seemingly never ending journey,to get them all to the Apex. But they wheeled nulls and Hazel was a null but he promised she would join their little group. No,no,none of this made any sense. His mind kept running in endless circles,looking for something that proved her wrong. He would take something, ANYTHING, just please don't make everything he lived through in all his ten years on this stupid train mean nothing. 

   An annoyed sigh finally broke the silence. "I'm tired of this,I'm taking the child and that is final"

"I...I'm not going with you"

    Amelia looked to Hazel with disdain. "Don't be difficult,this is for the good of the passengers"

"I'm not going with you!" Hazel cried,tears now frustrated as she clung to Grace. 

"Simon,do something!" The girl begged,the other trying to catch his breath. Imagined claws tore at his lungs and through his insides,mind clouded with so many questions he was too terrified to answer. 

"You have until I count to three" 

   Grace looked to Amelia,her expression enough to send a shiver down her spine. 

"One..."

    Hazel attempted to calm herself,breathing harshly into Grace's shoulder. Relax,Grace would protect her,she promised and she wouldn't break her promises anymore...right?

"Two..."

    Grace's eyes darted back to Simon,the boy's stance unstable as his fingers dug into his arms. The straps of his grappling pack hung off his shoulders, only his elbows keeping them from hitting the ground. Did she truly have to do this? After so long and so many past promises...

"Three"

   She bit her lip,eyes shut tight as she dashed towards the woman. She ducked under her arm,hair barely missing the grip of her callused hands. A field of green pushed her forwards,the girl bouncing off and onto a heavy weight as they both skid across the ground. 

    The thump of his bag echoed through the car, Simon taking the full force as the cloth of his hoodie ripped at the shoulder. 

    Heavy pants escaped her,a tight grip on her sleeve keeping her conscious. "Y...You okay?"

     Hazel nodded,catching a glimpse of the bag. She attempted to stand,a rough hand grabbing her arm as she let out a shriek. 

"Simon!" Grace grabbed his own arm,free hand attempting to pry his fingers off the other's wrist. 

"Just let her go!" He demanded between grunts. 

"You don't have to do this!" She shouted over him. "I-I'll tell you everything!"

"LIAR!"

   A sharp beak clamped around his wrist,the boy letting out a scream. With contempt he reached for her face,Grace quick to knee his stomach. All air was knocked from his lungs,the boy folding over to clutch the soon to be torso sized bruise.  

     The girl scrambled to her feet,grabbing Hazel before making a mad dash to the bag. Its straps were hastily thrown over her shoulder,hands fumbling to find a good grasp on the dirtied rod. 

"GET BACK HERE!"

     Shit,no time to overcomplicate something like this. She looked over to Hazel,grip on her near deathly. "Hang on tight"

      With no thought she took her finger off the small button,watching nervously as the hook flew towards the other side of the cavern. 

      The elder grew closer by the second,Grace giving her one last fearful glance before running off of the cliff's edge and into the pit below.

      The first thing she felt was the wind in her face,body pushing past the whooping stones that fell from the car's roof. The occasional rock scratched her skin,the girl only able to wince as each edge dug deeper and deeper into her arms. Yet the entire time she heard the screams of the two she had left behind,one of anger and another close to a sob. No,forget Simon,he made his choice. Still,that cry...she had only heard it once before yet it still managed to drown her in guilt. 

"Grace!"

      A panicked voice yanked her from her thoughts,a gasp escaping her as she roughly landed onto the cavern's side. Knees aching she climbed up the hook's rope,finally collapsing onto the ground. 

"Grace...are you...?"

"I...I'm okay" She said through tired pants. She looked back to the girl,fighting back the urge to give into the fatigue that wracked her body. "W...What about you?"

"I'm okay," Hazel answered. 

"Good..."

"Um..." She pulled her knees to her chest,looking away in shame. "I'm sorry I bit Simon"

Grace let out a soft chuckle. "I can't believe you actually did that"

"I'm sorry..."

"It's fine Hazel" She reassured her. "You were pretty brave"

"But Tuba said we don't bite"

     Grace froze,slowly turning her attention back to her hand. Her gaze trailed from her palm,down her number ridden knuckles and dressing her arm until it finally stopped at her elbow. Two numbers had disappeared. It wasn't much yet looking at it,she couldn't help the melancholy that creeped upon her back. "You're right...but...this is an exception"

     Hazel reluctantly looked up,the other two barely visible from a distance. All she could see were their blurring silhouettes,one pacing as obscenities were spit from her mouth while another lay limp by the edge. "Is he dead?"

"No..." The Simon she knew could and had taken much worse.

"So...what now?"

     The girl thought for a moment,trying to process all that had happened in just a few short seconds. It seemed almost like a dream,the only thing disproving that being the still bleeding wounds on her limbs. Not enough to kill her but enough to leave behind a slight sting. "I don't know"

    Hazel looked to her own hand,number barely visible under her green scales. She couldn’t help the growing guilt that clung to her back. Did Tuba know? If so,why didn’t she tell her? If not...if they were somehow ever meet again,would Tuba still want her? 

     The sound of a far off clunk caught her attention,prying her away from her old thoughts and to the two on the other side. Her eyes grew wide,immediately jumping to shake the other awake. "Grace! Wake up!"

She let out a sigh,sitting up on her elbows. "What is it?"

       The noise grew louder before she could answer,Grace turning to find its source. Her pulse quickened,fatigue quickly turning to horror. 

       A few feet away were the two,Amelia and Simon,some sort of contraption now being used as a makeshift bridge. 

"No..." She sat up,body shaking violently. "No,no,no,no,no!"

     A small hand grasped at her arm,struggling to pull her up. Grace took hold of the other's hand,coming to her feet. Or at least attempting to. An agonizing pain rocked through her body,each wound feeling as if it was being split open. She let out a pained hiss,falling back onto the red wood. 

    Heavy pants escaped her,the girl struggling to look up. Though blurry vision she could see the child having pulled away. Hazel took a defensive stance,rocks in her arms as she aimed for the two. With frustrated grunts she threw them as far as her tiny body could,each hit barely making a dent. 

"H-Hazel,stop"

"They're gonna get us!" She reached into her pile,hoping that at least one rock could leave a dent or buy the other some time to heal.

     A dizzy gaze drifted past the door frame and into the small space between them and the next car over. From the crack she could see the rail rumble,a strip of white light inching across the other car's roof. It looked like...

'A pulse'

    An idea came to mind,one that seemed crazy even to her. Still,it was either that or be forever torn from the child she swore to protect. 

     Grace pressed a hand on her last open wound,hoping the pressure was enough to stop the bleeding. "Hazel,can you give me a hand?"

   Hazel gave her a nod before setting down her remaining ammunition. With a hard shove she opened the door,the elder stumbling through the exit. She could do this,just think of what could happen if she messed this all up. 

    With a deep breath she pulled the child up and into her arms,the sound of footprints growing close making her brow sweat.  The bridge began to shake,the girl stepping back and watching it split down the middle. This was insane,even for the leader of the Apex. One wrong move,just one slip up and they would both be dead. Still,the single glimmer of hope was enough to push her no matter how foolish it all seemed. 

     She began to run,adrenaline drowning out the shocks of pain in her arms and leg. Dirtied tiles of the bridge began to flip towards them,the car disconnecting from the other and rolling itself into the air. Holding the child close she jumped,hand keeping the other's head pressed against her shoulder. Time seemed to slow,the only sound she could hear being her racing heart. The grip on her body tightened,tiny fingers digging into her sides for dear life.

"I'll leave when I want null!"

    If the Grace that could say something so cruel with only minor regrets saw this she would be outraged. Disgusted at how weak she was,angry at how easily she had destroyed the life she had made of this train and enraged that she had abandoned her one true friend. But if that was the Grace she could have become just to keep people by her side,a Grace that put others down for her own satisfaction,that was the Grace she wanted dead.

    It was then she felt something unexpected. Something that made her finally open her eyes. The dark green floors that lead into one of the train's many cars. She was here. She made it. She was alive. No,they were alive. 

    She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry,the excited rush running through her every bone. She did know one thing,the realization bringing a smile to her face. 

"Are...Are we okay?"

     Grace let out a happy sigh,holding her close. "We're okay Hazel,we're okay"

"GRACE!"

Well...almost okay.

     She turned to see the train car thousands of feet above her. A body rushed to the edge meeting her gaze for a split second. It slowly stepped back before running towards the edge,attempting to copy her daring escape. Only a tight grip kept him from the leap of faith,a hand grabbing his already scuffed up hood. A woman yanked him to her side,surely scolding him for even thinking someone could succeed at something so dangerous twice. 

    The boy pulled away,falling to his knees as he leaned over the edge. Even from far away she could see his face bright red,never ending globby tears falling from his down his cheeks until they landed on his fists. His eyes were filled with so many emotions,pain,anger,sadness,yet only one seemed to smother them all under its cloak. Agony. Pure,unfiltered agony. 

    He reached out for her,thousands of feet apart as he held back sobs through grit teeth. Guilt tugged at her heart,a part of her wanting to use the janky pack one last time. She instead raised her arm,giving him a weak wave. 

    Brown eyes grew wide,the clanging of the gears below meaning only one thing. He let out one last strangled scream,words barely breaking through his cries it faded off with the car. 

"GRAAAAAAAAAACE!"

In a flash they were gone,the train still chugging on without them.

    The girl slowly turned,opening the door in silence. Tired eyes looked around,catching sight of dotted paper folded into what resembled a tree. She made her way to it before setting down the child in her arms. She let herself collapse against the trunk,purple slips of paper falling off and to the ground. A heavy sigh escaped her,eyes focused on the sky. It was a mix of warm reds and oranges,the gold of the origami sun peaking through the swirls of dawn. If she squinted hard enough she could pretend it was yet another comforting sunset from her old home off the train. Few things in the train made her want to return to such an awful place,yet she couldn't help but wonder if the sunsets that now only her family could see looked the same. 'Simon would have liked this'

    She turned,expecting to find her friend staring off into the distance with a rare calm smile on his face. Instead she was greeted by Hazel looking to her with a nervous expression. 

"Grace?"

"Yeah?"

"Your sleeve ripped off"

     She looked to her shoulder,the orange sleeve ripped off leaving only thin strings behind. "Oh...I didn't notice"

 "And your arms..."

      Her eyes drifted towards her arm,a scar running from her shoulder,down the limb and leaking through the last row of numbers. The last digit was left flickering like a broken light,the girl pressing a thumb on it as if to keep it still. She let out a pained hiss,holding her arm out to avoid any more injuries. 

    The sound of ripping caught her attention,Grace finding Hazel tugging at a stray strip that hung from the paper tree's branch. Before she could question her the strip snapped,the child then handing it to her. "Here,it's so you don't bleed to death and die"

"Right" She took the strip from her tiny hands,starting from her elbow with a tired grin. "What would I do without you?"

"You'd be with Simon"

     Grace stopped,eyes full of worry as she looked to the child. She clutched the hem of her sweater vest,shifting from heel to heel. "You...You can go back if you want to"

"Hazel..."

"It's okay" She lied. "I-I can take care of myself. You can look for him and I'll go to the Apex. I promise I'll be safe and find it fast"

     The Apex. In this whole mess she had nearly forgotten about the rag tag group of children no older than sixteen at most. She glanced to her number,then to the child. In her eyes she was the same Hazel she had known since the jungle car,but to Simon with just one word she became an enemy. All it took was one moment to change everything. "Hazel...we can't go back to the Apex now"

"But what about the other kids?"

"Simon...Me and Simon taught them a lot of bad things" She finally admitted. "If we go there now..." In all truth she didn't know what would happen,children were unpredictable after all. What she did know was that if they went now,their second leader gone with a denizen in his place,it would end badly for both of them. 

    Hazel thought for a moment,returning to her seat by her side. She looked back to Grace,eyes focused on the few numbers she could see peeking out from her makeshift bandage. She did the same,her own number a dull grey. Permanent and unchanging. Even in the few similarities they had there was always something keeping her miles away from being one as close to her as she was before. Back when she thought she was human. "Do you miss Simon?"

    The girl traced the top row of her numbers with a thumb,imaging the other's sure to have grown exponentially by the time they met again. Was there even a chance of them meeting again on a train that seemed to go on for infinity? "I don't know yet"

"Its okay if you want to cry"

She looked to the child,eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

    Hazel pulled her knees to her chest,chin rested on them. "Simon was bad...really bad"

"That's a nice way to put it" In all honesty she expected a lot more animosity on her end. If she had to describe someone that killed her mother and hated her very existence something as simple as 'bad' would be the farthest word from her mind. 

"But he was still your friend," Hazel reminded her. "Even when he was bad you wanted him to come with you"

"I..." 

    She could still feel her feet planted to the rocky ground,close to frustrated tears as he stood what felt like miles away. 'JUST ANSWER ME!' Was what she wanted to scream or better yet just grab him by the hood and swing across the pit and onto the other side. They probably could have settled the whole denizen issue if they just had a moment to talk,right? Surely he could understand what she did if he just took the time to listen. But then again,if it wasn't what he wanted to hear,would he listen at all? "I guess I did..."

"Simon was like your Tuba"

     Grace froze at the sentiment. Tuba was someone so kind,so motherly,so generous, and Simon was so...well,he was a lot of things. Stubborn,clueless at times and yet far too blunt at others but at the same time he wasn't all bad. He wrote fantasy novels that were nothing short of comedic in their sincerity but she dare not ruin his dreams. He spent his heart and soul on miniatures and creating worlds he could never see out of junk collected from their many raids and he always found some excuse to be by her side at every other free moment. He was a dork plain and simple but a dork she had spent her most of her life on this train with. 

    Her eyes widened at the realization. Ten years. Ten years of spending cold nights on the train together,ten years of doing the dumbest things to get a laugh out of the other,ten years of being each other's shoulder to cry on each time they thought of their life before the train,and ten years sure that they would spend the rest of their lives on this stupid train together. 

     Tears pricked at the corner of their eyes,the girl quick to wipe them away. No,don't think about the past. It'll hurt less if you just ignore it and move on. Just move on from their mess and onto the next car as they had done before. 

      A pair of small arms wrapped around her waist,a now beakless face pressed against her side. Tears slowly fell down her cheeks,soaking the paper leaves that had collected around the two. For the first time in what felt like years she sobbed,cries loud and pained. She could already imagine her mother hovering over her,scolding her for grieving with no grace. "You're embarrassing yourself" 'You're embarrassing me' is what she truly meant,at least that's what she assumed for so long. Yet this time she didn't feel the shame that had once been forced upon her. Instead a new feeling slowly began to fill her. 

Relief

   Relieved to have escaped what was sure to be Hell if she hadn't taken Hazel in her arms and away from the remaining two passengers,relieved to be free from the shackles of holding so many secrets,and relieved that she could finally start over. No more Grace Monroe,leader of the Apex who tormented denizens for their own amusement. Now she was a new Grace,not one entirely figured out but one she was willing to find. She would figure out how to rescue the remaining children later,for now she lay in the origami car watching the sky turn to a gorgeous dark blue with sparkling paper stars.

"Grace?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

   A soft smile returned to her face,a gentle hand resting on the other's head. "Yeah,I'm okay"

"You're being honest,right?"

She let out a weak chuckle. "Yeah,no more lying"

"Okay...but what are we gonna do now?"

Grace thought for a moment,looking to the sky. "I don't know...but we'll find out together"

Hazel nodded in agreement before letting out a yawn. 

"You tired?"

Another nod from the young girl. 

"You can take a nap,you deserve a break" She released her from her hold,Hazel immediately flopping onto her lap. She couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle. 

     Hazel hesitated for a moment before looking to her. "Are you gonna be gone when I wake up?"

"Of course not" Grace assured her. "I'm not leaving you,ever"

     Hazel hummed before turning back to rest on her thigh. Eyes shut tight she slowly drifted off until she was fast asleep. 

      Grace let out a sigh,her own eyes close to drooping shut. Where to next? The question lingered in her mind,not an answer in sight. Maybe they could focus on her number,try to get it to glow and drop to zero so they could both escape this nightmare. Or maybe she could reform the Apex,make it better and tell each and every child the truth or maybe...maybe she just needed to get some sleep. 

    Head leaning back against the trunk she finally shut her eyes,each muscle slowly relaxing until she placed a protective arm over the sleeping child. Before she could fall asleep a soft song fell past her lips,ease settling over the two once they both sat fast asleep under the origami tree. 

"Don't be a worry baby

No need to hurry, baby